Hey everyone sorry for the length, I'm a guy who just graduated high school as a virgin. My high school years were really confusing and I never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. I always thought of myself as straight except for being attracted to one guy. This guy was my bestfriend since my young childhood and we both grew up and discovered sexuality together though we never actually touched each other we did watch each other masturbate. As I got older I began to picture scenarios in my head in which I had actually done something with him and I would masturbate to these ideas. eventually these feelings led to me being attracted to other guys and aso masturbating to the thought of other men but after climax I am disgusted by the idea. However there is one other interesting factor. When I have a lot of contact with women and generally am around them I don't have these feelings as much. So all this leads to three questions: 1) Could I be Gay?Bi? 2)Can people develop homosexual feelings, even if there not gay? 3)Does contact with people of either sex affect sexual orientation? Thanks to anyone who can answer these questions, especially the last two. I think I know the answer to the first
Love is a curious conundrum. It's a central aspect of existence. It's painful, it's confusing, It's wonderful, it's sex, it's dreadful, it's amusing even though the joke is sometimes on you. The confusion might not go away, we might live on without closure, the complexity of life might intensify! This is open for a lexical dispute The word gay itself has a tumultuous history, it's meaning being constantly being over turned. It continues today as the younger generations use it to describe a wide variation of situations, objects and people that may be inadequate, unsatisfactory or displeasing. However, the word is mainly used to mean homosexual. To answer your question, I will substitute homosexual and gay for vegetarian. Can people develop vegetarian feelings, even if there not vegetarian? the answer is to me is of course! I'm sure some people would disagree, saying that if you experience any homosexual attraction, by definition you are gay. Because I am somewhat of a relativist, I acknowledge this viewpoint as a subjective interpretation, as I believe this is the medium for the expression of all Ideas. What is important for you is that achieve an understanding in accordance to yourself, your values, your ideas, your feelings, your consciousness. The world is a maelstrom of conflicting ideologies, cultures, customs, values, moralities and meanings. And In the middle of the tempest we must bring love and meaning into the world. I can't answer this question directly, even though I've had minor sexual encounters with members of both sexes. All I can say is that sexuality flows deeper than face value. It's so much more than simply the anatomy that determines your sexuality, because a person you love is more than a possession, so it's not like selecting and deciding about some material object in a store. I'd say it's more the other way around. Your sexual orientation affects the people you 'contact' =)
1) Yes 2) Yes 3) I think it does. If you are bi and not gay, the gender you have sex with more starts becoming more attractive to you. Just my opinion.
The official science would tell you that your sexual orientation is basically determined by the object of your sexual desire. Judging by your post alone, at this time in your life, the predominant objects of your sexual desire are other men. This makes you, for the time being, in the eyes of 'official psychology' a gay man, postcoital revulsion notwithstanding. The problem with this presently reigning approach is that it may have very little value in itself. To you, you are, who you are. One or the other label are completely insignificant to YOU personally. For those around you, it is NOT about whom you find desirable that matters but it is WHAT you really do, that matters. In other words, people around you really want to know what is the predominant pattern of your sexual behavior. They want to know, if you are str8, gay or bi, because they want to know, if they are compatible with you, and if you are a possible partner or not. There is plenty of evidence that people can develop homosexual feelings, even if they are straight. Most of that evidence refers to 'situational homosexuality' which develops among str8 men in prisons, barracks, closely-knit all-male communities that do not allow straight men to seek release with women. I do not think that this really applies here. Many str8 men develop homosexual feelings at their late teens and early 20's in search of their own sexual identity. At times, such homosexual feelings are not really different from the situational homosexuality, since some of the young guys at hand still lack the courage, skills and resources to sexually connect with a female. A good male friend sharing the same predicament is usually an ideal release outlet under such circumstances. If there is something like 'situational homosexuality', there ought to be something called 'situational heterosexuality'. If gay guy surrounds yourself with females, with no attractive male in sight, he'll soon start viewing the females around him as possible outlets of his pent up sexual energies. It really boils down to liking what you do as opposed to doing what you like... So, where do you go from here? Decide to respond to your natural urge. You are now building your life and in reality, you want to make sure that you DO what you like to do, instead of learning how to like what life (or your own faulty judgement) made you to do. Go, play and have fun. Once you decide what works for you best, start building your life around that concept, keeping in mind that things may change and that sexuality tends to be very fluid at its best... KD
