Our Relationship With Ourselves

I've been going through a strange valley in my life recently and it is starting to make me realize how little importance I put on that just "me" time.
In the last few weeks I have been quite alone not by choice.

I have lost my lover of 3 years, my best friend has moved far away. I have severed ties with three of my really good friends due to the fact that their hearts were becoming more and more black. I am moving to a brand new area to go to school for mathematics (super interesting I know ) in September and even if I wanted to contact any of the other friends in my life (they are people who I was good friends with in the past but we drifted apart for whatever reason) there would be no point in reestablishing a relationship if I have to leave in less than a month anyway. I don't go to the bar and have no other activities because of my upcoming move. So I've been little lonely...Thank god for you Internet people

But anyway I didn't come on here to whine or ask what I should do so please don't take it as that. For the first time in maybe ten years I am not with at least 1 other person every moment of the day. It has made me realize how much I don't know me. Its made me realize that I have been so preoccupied with other people for so long, I never learned how to hang out with me. I'm finding out that myself is a little lazy and doesn't do much other use several different elicit substances.

Tomorrow, I am going to begin working on me much more (excesses, reading, meditation, health). I need that inner connection back. Did you know that some Buddhist monks choose to live a life of complete solitude beginning at the age 15. I sometimes wonder if in our daily lives we get so tangled up with other people we forget what hanging out with our real best friends (our mind, heart, and soul) is really like.

 

dude, that's awesome that you're taking on such a positive attitude about this.

i'm sorry to hear about your girl and your friends; it's hard to lose such an integral part of your world. you should look at this as a new beginning though; especially moving to a new area next month! you can make new friends and start fresh, all while discovering parts of yourself that you may not of had access to nurture while in a relationship and constantly surrounding yourself with other people. a sobriety break never hurts either!

self-mastery is no easy task.

 

This is exactly how I have been feeling. Its nice to have me time, but I still apperciate being around loved ones. Its just nice to know that I don't need someone around me constantly to be at peace.

 

I've tried kicking myself out. But that didn't work, I keep comeing back in. I argue with myself all the time, but I'm always right. I always say this is the last time, but I do no listen. I wake in the morning hopes that he is not there, but each time looking the mirror he reappears.

This fight will never end, for I will always get back up again. :tongue: