I've known this girl for about a year, during which time she was psuedo seeing an aquantince of mine but nothing serious as she wasn't looking for anything serious at the time. Their 'kind of' relationship has trailed off over time to now a mere friendship (though rarely seeing eachother) In the past two weeks her and I have hung out every single night (Which before this we would only hang out on my group of friends weekly visits to the techno shows on Tuesdays, our favorite local band on Thursdays, and our normal hang out at another friends house on Mondays). On the 15th at around 1AM (now the 17th) we sealed the deal by sleeping together and have every night/morning since. In fact I haven't slept at home since then. She is 9 years older then me, I'm 23 and she is 32. She has three kids, one who just turned 13 by one guy and then her other two, one almost 10 and the other 6 from her marriage of 9 years (the two most recent years they have been seperated and been going through a vicious divorce). She left him because he was cheating on her with another guy... From what I know of her from the past year and how she has thus far acted around me she doesn't need my money (the two dads of the 3 kids are very well suited financially and pay for most of the kids needs). She is one of the most kind and considerate people I know and isn't anymore crazy then the next woman. She was hesitant about dating a guy (me) so much younger then herself, but I believe my life experiences have matured me at least a couple years farther ahead then my peers (Iraq, living on my own far from home, foreign relationships, deaths, military, general world education and views on life). She isn't looking for anymore children (she actually just recently had a date to have her tubes tied pushed back due to scheduling) however in the heat of the moment during unprotected sex I did unload in her =/ ) So my reason for saying all of this... I gave a bit of a description of who she is. I've never dated a woman with children before... I'm looking for any advice so I don't screw this up because I've really fallen for this girl. Thank you.
The biggest thing I can tell you is not to expect to be her first priority. Her kids have to come first. Other than that, I'm sure it should be fine as long as you guys are honest with each other and can work on any issues that come up in a mature manner. Since it's only the beginning it doesn't seem like she's expected you to help with any parenting duties. I'm sure you'll be friendly to her kids when you meet them or get to hang out with them as a family. People might think the age difference is odd, but they'll make their own judgements - what matters is what you two feel and if it can work around the kids. Good luck!
lol, i have a similar story. i had a girlfriend who was 32 with 2 kids when i was 22. now i have a girlfreind who is 26 with 1 and im 23. i dont know why im doing this again. its very challanging to be in a relationship with a momma, for a number of reasons. idk, i dont have any real advice other than to just be you, and dont over or under extend yourself. how do her kids feel about you? how do you feel about them?
So far the oldest has already been asking her when he gets to hang out with me again and her daughter (the middle child) has been saying good things about me evidently. The oldest actually told me the other morning while his mom was in the kitchen that "my mom likes you" which was pretty cool. I think the kids are awesome honestly. The oldest is already spinning and mixing vinyl at only 13 which is pretty sick. Thanks for the advice on the priority deal sea of grass. That is one thing I've been working on... Patients.... Which is comming along nicely.
Dude, get that saving the damsel in distress complex under control. You get involved with all that chick's dysfunctional bullshit and you will undoubtedly will become miserable.
no offence junkie, but its hard to take your advice about women seriously with your username. there are all kinds of different reasons a man would choose to be in a relationship with a single mom. one if them could indeed be a damsel in distress complex, but thats not universally the case in each individual situation.
Thanks Archemetis. Yeah, I don't know where junkie would of gotten the 'damsel in distress complex' out of my posts thus far. I haven't made any hint that she is in any distress. Neither can I tell how junkie would of assumed she has 'dysfunctional bullshit', at least not anymore then the next person trying to get through life. Anyways, thanks again for any advice guys. Her and I have been having a blast together and things seem to be running smoothly. Was actually at her 13 year old's birthday party today. I'm still open to any other comments or suggestions though.
Basically all I can say is don't start building relationships with these kids unless you are confident that you will be able to remain a part of they're lives. Having a relationship with mom is one thing but don't get involved with the kids without being absolutely sure you can commit to this. It is unhealthy for kids to have people coming in and out of their lives and can really create abandonment issues. Be careful. You may be having fun and all but there are other people involved and dating a single mom means dating her kids as well. Think about whats best for them before you think about yourself
Good point MissBHave. So far I'm really into this girl. That said though, I recognize it could just be the honeymoon feeling people often get when dating someone new. So far so good though, but I will keep that in mind.
Take your time.TAKE YOUR TIME.Raising kids is very difficult,especially if you are not as mature as you think and the kids are someone elses.Kids take a lot of attention(they need and deserve it )--and not just here and there.Pretty much most of the time.Taking them here and there for differant events,sports,school stuff,meeting the actual dads--oh it can be hell.However,it takes a real man to do what you're asking about--a real man.There will be plenty to sort out and if you two are able to communicate as you go along--none of that passive-aggressive crap--you might have a chance.Every person raising kids alone deserves someone to love and help them thru life---are you one of those?
just be careful babe and always put whats best for those kids before what it is you want you sound like a great guy you never know what can happen