A Girlfriend of 1 Year 3 Months who cannot stay over...

Ive been with this girl for 1 year and three months; I left my home country of Scotland to be with her in Mexico - I live on my own in Mexico City... she still lives with her parents... it is fine for me to stay over at her house (but not sleep in the same bed) however she for some non-logical reason cannot stay over at mine.

We are both 23 years old.

What is up with this?

She claims its to do with tradition; however she now claims that she will move in within 3 months(does anyone know of a tradition where you wait exactly 1 year - 6 months before you move in/sleep in the same bed)

its all coo coo to me

 

I wouldn't worry about it, if she is gonna move in in 3 months then you get what you want. I don't know of any tradition and it seems weird. Maybe she just wasn't ready to sleep in the same bed with you. Have you two had sex? Sorry if this questoin is a bit out of line.

 

u moved from scotland to mexico?
................................................
really?
................................................
i don't even know what to say about that

 

^ bwahahah thats what i was thinking.
but yea thats strange. maybe she just has crazy parents? are they christian?

 

As i understand it she is Christian. Her parents probably do not agree as they are scared she might lose here virginity? but talk to her about it because it might be diverent reason.

 

we have had sex. that is the weirdest part; I think she is scared to give up the innocent image to her parents ... which I could understand if she was 16 years old.

they are a catholic family who have failed to follow the rules of being catholic(e.g her parents didn't get married; they live together and have had 2 children)

 

I'm sorry i know this is redundant but
really?
scotland to mexico?
i just don't get it
post a pic of this chick please
she must be a goddess

 

sounds pretty funky to me....just ask her and talk about it and see how it goes?
the whole "tradition" thing is really odd..ask her what tradition it is? maybe its in her family or something.....? good luck!

 

damn!
peace junky is a hottie

 

MissBHave; yes Scotland to Mexico - im not posting a photo;

PeaceJunky; I have talked to her .. she still tries to use the tradition explination but obviously I pinpoint the flaws in her explination

UPDATE: I have decided to get a flight out of here in a month and go back to Scotland; ive been to this country three times this year .. she has yet to visit my family or get to know any of my family

 

i'm sorry
not trying to be insensitive

 

I understand .. but I dont think it would be fair to post a photo of her here. I wouldn't like it if people were posting photos of me in forums without my permission regarding relationship problems yanno hahahaha just to protect all parties...

I thought about the move from Scotland to Mexico too .. Scotland - a great country along with england has the best economic status in the entire world including the USA.

Mexico - *before I came* I thought "piss poor country .. with a bunch of drugs and tequilla lovers ..."

Scotland has a lot to offer people; but for someone who has lived their there entire lifes .. its a very cold country(not just because of the weather) and very narrowminded... the money is the best .. but uhhh ... its pretty much a dead place to live.

Mexico .. now that ive been here; its very much alive ... people are cheerful ... they are full of love...

But again .. looking at my opinion from a detached point of view - its very biased against my own country.

 

You ending it with her then?

 

Duck - no its not ended...its politics of relationships - she has said to me that she will visit my family in a year from now ... to which I responded people can change alot in a year .. I can change .. you can change .. new people come into our lifes. In her mind she thinks it would be okay to let the relationship hang for a year... I dont think it can work that way

 

Ah, got you.
I think that's a very good way to handle the situation. It seems like she could not be too ready for the relationship or committed to it at the moment, and this way you aren't wasting your time and if it's really "meant to be" (really matters that much to yins) you will make it work in the future.

My only question is if you are fully prepared to do it.

 

Yes you are completely correct - I think she has prioritized things in her life in a way that the relationship is around no.4 on her list of things to do .. and thus isn't as commited as I am(prioritized at no.1) therefore it would only be logical for me to prioritize the relationship back to where it was originally (around a 4 on the list of things to do) and let her change her Priority of the relationship alittle higher on her list of things to do...

if she changes ... great... perfect...
if she doesn't ... its a shame .. but I think i would have no option but to live with it

 

Sounds like you got it all figured out and you have prepared yourself mentally for whatever happens. Good luck with all of it, and I wish you the best with or without her.

 

I have a pretty similar situation (aside form the moving). My girlfriend and I are both 21 and have been together for almost 3 years. Her family is Catholic and even though I stay over there on a regular basis (also not in the same bed) she is absolutely not allowed to stay here. I think it has to do with parent being able to monitor their children, regardless of age, when they are at home. They can make sure that we don't sleep in the same bed or do anything else 'inappropriate'. If she were staying at my house, they wouldn't be able to see what's going on. An added frustration, and one I really don't understand, is that while they treat my girlfriend like this, she has two siblings who stay out several times a week, whether at a friends or significant others. So while I don't really have any answers here, rest assured I understand your annoyance.

 

I could understand your situation if her parents fully followed the code of Catholic religion ... but this girls parents did not .. that is the most frustrating thing for me(they arn't married and have had 2 children together)

as for your situation ...are her siblings male? for some reason catholic familys allow males to do what they wish... if they are female; then it makes no sense at all why your girlfriend can't stay over at yours.

is this your first girlfriend? I have had quite a few partners from the age of 15 ... and all of them have been able to stay ... i had girls stay in my bed when I was 16 years old who were partners ... now ... 7 years on .. I am dating a girl who cannot stay in the same bed(it feels like im dealing with a 13 year old situation)

you are completely correct .. its all about the parents monitoring the children .. they need control as they are losing a lack of control in their power of reality and exercising some imagery power in the universe that they do not have

also .. I dont understand why my girlfriend or your girlfriend don't go against their parents wishes .. my only conclusion is that they are scared to offend or get dissaproval from their parents ...

Im not saying .. go against your parents wishes; but at the age of legally being able to do anything .. I do not understand why they are holding onto some age old belief ...

I think all these modern religious familys forget that not so long ago ... people used to have sex with each other ... but maybe im just old fashioned because I have sex with people ...

the problem I have .. is that Ive had sex with this partner .. and uhhh .. they can't sleep in the same bed ....

have you had sex with your partner?

obviously if you have .. that is the most frustrating part .. and also knowing that the other persons parents must think you have had sex ..


Ive dated someone from Israel of all places and slept in the same bed with them ... in their parents house... while the father had over 14 different guns in the house ...

my situation is completely retarded.

 

With that information, I agree, your situation is pretty darn awful. With her parents in the situation they are in, you think they would be more understanding or wouldn't care about her staying the night with you. My girl has both a brother and sister who stay out over night as they please. She is the youngest though so that may still have something to do with it. But still, at this age, I don't see it as a big deal to be doing things that your parents may not be entirely comfortable with. And her parents are strongly against sex before marriage, but I'm not sure they know exactly what we do. They're even opposed to people living together before marriage, which I think is stupid. How are you supposed to know if you're compatible if you've never lived together?