I've been surfing the web for a bit researching ED. From what I have seen, I think I have a psychological form of it, and I would like a few second opinions. I'd also like some actual advice if this is the case other than "Time" or "Counseling" which seems to be the generic one liners on most informational sites have. I apologize for the abrasive tone but it has been a bit frustrating. First let me illustrate the setting for you. Then we can dissect the many possibilities. As of now, I began a "relationship" with someone, mostly in quotes because its pretty much on hold if I can't get myself sorted. She means a lot to me but I had to spend years with someone who had sexual dysfunctional and I didn't want her to go through something similar or rob her of full pleasure. Thankfully she is very understanding and giving me time to research and cope with what is going on. I have 0 problems attaining an erection, I do not go limp during masturbation nor have a "lazy erection". My problem is somewhere between a few seconds to a minute after putting on the condom and going inside of her, I go limp. I do no lose sexual drive really but as soon as I realize it has happened I feel worthless and shut down. Up until recently I have only had intercourse with one person. My ex-Fiance and I were in a relationship just short of four years. Although it started off as a fairly healthy sex life, she had a breakdown and became heavily medicated and developed Anorgasmia which is apparently a legit side effect of the main drug she was prescribed. After years of being unable to help her achieve an orgasm via penetration (sex, masturbation, fingering, dildos, nothing worked) it took a huge toll on our relationship. Although we both wanted to blame the medication, there was the tinge of accusation towards myself. This of course racked me with guilt and made her spiteful of me, part of why we finally called it off. Many times I would feel too guilty to orgasm during the actual act of sex regardless of the fact that she was on birth control. I never had a situation where I just went limp though. I did however loathe condom use since she was on BC but when we first started having sex I used them without fail. The other thing I did not think of when this first started happening was nervousness. I get really nervous, especially with her. I make her orgasm multiple times through fingering and oral and the fact that I can do this (and apparently well) is a huge self esteem booster but when it actually comes to having sex with her, I am definitely nervous. Nervous about pleasing her, and now nervous about keeping it up. I also have to use a condom (at least I would presume, as far as I can tell she is not on BC and I'm not 100% sure she is STD free but I haven't developed anything yet) which I admit is a turn off. But not like this I wouldn't think, because the brief amount of time I am having sex, I am enjoying it immensely. Another option I haven't touched on too much, is perhaps her in general. I've never dated a BBW before, and don't get me wrong, I do think she is sexy, but I'm wondering if there is some subconscious block from years of media brainwashing of "This is gross" even though consciously I have no problem with it. She isn't what I would consider morbidly obese and I do find her good looking clothed or not. I wonder if this condom thing though has some legitimacy to it... The first time was almost at instant flaccidity with a normal condom. Normally I would wear a Magnum (Large not XL) so I thought maybe that was the problem as the sex was kind of of capricious, I wasn't prepared and she was. The second time though lasted longer, was nice and in a different position but as she got close to climaxing I went limp. Anyway, those are the things I have been meditating on after searching around. What do you think?
I think your problem is your creating a self-perpetuating cycle of defeat. At one point you probably tried to have sex, were nervous you couldn't perform at a level you thought you should, and it affected your erection which also really took a hit to your self-esteem. From that point you continue the cycle of "Well, if I get nervous then I won't be able to get an erection, and then I'll feel like shit because of it." So everytime you think about the condom or whatever your problem is you associate that thing with a negative emotion. Your brain responds to it and it affects your body. You just have to break that cycle. I'd say the best thing to do is to not think about it. Some nights my girlfriend and I try to have sex and it's great. I can instantly perform and it's great. Other nights it takes a bit more. Maybe some massaging, or sensual foreplay. Whatever it takes to get my out of worrying and into the game. Don't worry about your erection, don't worry about making her orgasm (i know it's hard but trust me. Thinking about it will fuck with your head and your body will respond in turn). When you start telling yourself "I have to get an erection. I must make her orgasm" it makes you feel like crap everytime you don't achieve your goal. Just focus on being intimate with her. Kissing, touching, massaging, whatever you two enjoy. Just enjoy having fun and being together and everything will come together just fine.
just keep tryin with her, ur gettin worried about somthing. go to the store, or bodybuilding store, and buy some testosterone supplments. they make u really hhorny, and really hard. fuck there good. there just herbal so dont worry.
