I want to separate myself from other people so that it won't affect me if I'm isolated or alone for a period of time. I want to be able to work, exercise and do everything by myself without ever considering another human beings existence. I want to be completely self reliant, devoid of any emotion which may slow me down. I'm finding the only way to overcome things like these is to tackle them head on and submerse myself in "the deep end" so i become desensitized to my surroundings and environment, so for example maybe moving to africa for a while and enduring hardships or even a stint overseas in the armed forces?
Booze and a shit load of it. In all seriousness though, you can't. I was that way for a few years and I was extremely good at it. But I've recently developed feelings for a person, and all those emotions and thoughts and actions and everything come straight back as if they were never gone. It's impossible.
because relying on other people for anything is a one way ticket to pain and misery then maybe it's just a case of what will be will be?
If you'd like to be self-reliant than just be. Cook your own food, grow your own food, bicycle by yourself, sit alone, read alone, masturbate, eat alone, talk to yourself. Nobody is telling you you have to do everything or anything with others. It's as simple as just being. BTW, if you really would just like to be left alone, then public forums are probably not the best place to do that.
I work alone at stupid hours, so sometimes I can go like 36 hours without speaking to anyone, it's not good for your mental health IMO.
Your solution sounds like a one way ticket to pain, misery and loneliness. What do you mean by "rely on other people"? If you mean, they will do (or attempt) what they say they will, then its a matter of choosing to rely on reliable people. You need to find trustworthy people and hang with them, avoiding the un-trustworthy. Experience is the only test, so when deciding if someone's word is worthwhile, trust them on little things before trusting them on big things. If you mean they will look out for your interests as well as theirs, that's more difficult. They may not see your interests the same as you do. An extreme example is your parents. Their flushing your ganja stash is their way of looking out for you, even though you may have a different opinion of what your interests are. BTW, how many other people's interest do you consider and look out for? There are reliable people out there. The best way to find them is to become one of them yourself. Become the kind of person that other's can rely on. You'll discover that you'll end up hanging with other reliable folks and avoiding the un-reliable. You'll also find that you are able to rely on yourself more, so that other's actions will give you less pain and misery.
you are covering a lot of ground in your "wants" list. if you want to be self reliant (and you werent raised in such a fashion) then learn survivalist skills. learn to bake a loaf of bread. like lunarverse said, cook your own food. if you want to get away from people then become a hermit, or a surveyor for the parks service (after learning the survivalist skills please, nobody wants to look for your sorry butt in the woods XP) but more than that, and between the lines, it sounds like you aren't listening or analyzing your own emotions. sometimes when we are around people all the time, its hard to hear yourself think, but how often do you think when you are given the opportunity? do you know why you feel the way you do, or do you stop at a general description of your feeling. mad glad sad vs furious joyous or heartache-y. it sounds like you can't see the tree for the forest, cant see yourself for the crowds. but if you work toward being able to depend on yourself in times of need you will feel better, just dont cast off everyone else. we as humans (im assuming you are non interplanetary here) are social creatures. we want someone to watch the small children while we pick the grain or hunt the deer, you know? society is already growing apart like an overwashed quilt. the seams are falling apart. and as for pain and misery? you cant argue with pain. ive had 2 miscarriages, then had twins,. then lost one to SIDS. Pain is an inherent part of life. misery is a choice. if you make good, livable decisions in the moment, you never have to look back with regret. pain becomes a part of you, integrated, a lesson learned, a self truth revealed. misery is a scapegoat for not facing what IS.
save up and buy a place with a huge yard...like acres...lots of them...but make sure its close to other people so you can get some interaction to stay off the cabin fever thats my plan
