I posted this in True Confessions too: I don't even know where to start. Last summer my mom abruptly left my dad after 23 years of seemingly happy marriage. My dad was shocked with the news - they hardly argued or anything. I still lived with both of my parents at the time -- so one day she was there and it was a normal family, and the next -- it was all a nightmare. After my mom left, for some reason she never really made a huge attempt to speak with me (we never had the BEST relationship, but we didn't hate each other), and it's probably my fault mostly -- wow..now I'm going to start crying. I kind of gave her the cold shoulder when she left. Over the year, though, she hasn't attempted to call me; she hasn't attempted to see me. She did send me a card for my birthday and a small Christmas gift, but I only figured she felt obligated. About 6 months ago, my dad moved and got a new house. When that happened, because he did it with hardly any notice, I felt completely abandoned by my parents and put up my guard with them both. We didn't talk much for a while, but I'm slowly opening myself back up because he didn't do anything wrong. He loves me and tells me and tries to do things with me but I can't seem to let my guard down and really converse or spend time with him. I've been staying here because I really had no reason to go -- the bills were all paid off for a while and I could live for free (not for too much longer, though). My grandparents live next door and have helped me extensively. I honestly haven't a clue what I'd do without them. Everyone has their crutch, whether it be cigarettes, alcohol, narcotics, etc. I can happily live without all of those, but my grandparents are my only crutch - I get by because of them. They are the closest family I have and I love nobody like I love them - nobody even comes close. I've mostly been fine. I've been upset a couple times over the past year, but that's normal. I kind of ignored the entire situation and blew past it and I think that's coming back to get me. I never really had closure. The past few nights I haven't been able to sleep, and when I finally fell asleep, it's because I cried myself to the point. I'm constantly thinking about the entire situation. During the day it'll just hit me that my parents that I grew up with seeing so happy don't even speak to each other. Essentially throughout the day, I constantly remember I have no family -- and as a kid, I was so happy to be one of the few kids with both their parents. The entire separation thing has started to get to me, and atop of that, I can't stop worrying about my grandparents. They're are in their mid-70's, and I can't accept that one day they will be gone. There isn't a day where I don't think about there imminent death - and it fucking kills me everyday. I can't stop thinking about it when I go to bed, when I'm working, when I'm driving. And to add to it all -- the job/money situation sucks. I also have no appetite. I've had 3 meals over the past 4 days. Tonight I ate half a corndog and was on the verge of vomiting. At work tonight, I felt pretty faint because I hadn't eaten, but still no hunger. My "personal" life - or lack there of - is in the shitter to. Every girl that has interest in me, I push away. I've become almost -- scared of sex -- which if you knew me a year ago -- I was the complete opposite. Since all the stuff with my mom went down, I've had 0 relationships and I haven't had sex. I have a date tomorrow night, and I really like the girl. I'd love the idea of someone there as a companion - but being in a relationship scares me, and letting myself get that close to someone intimately again just -- it frightens me. And nobody knows any of this. I'm really good at keeping everything stored inside. My grandparents and dad pretty much think I'm happy as hell, which I do have fun and am a happy person, I just have this underlying depression eating at me. Another thing is, I don't remember the last time I told my grandfather I loved him or even the last time we touched each other - let alone a hug. None of the males in our family have been the way. If I told him that or hugged him I know he'd love it, but -- I'm still scared or nervous about doing it for some reason because that's something I really want him to know. I'm all fucked up. I don't know what to do.
Hardly arguing was probably it, there wasnt any passion, she was bored silly. Kids were grown up, no need to stick around anymore, she was still getting attention from other guys, ended the marriage so she could go around shake her tail feather, sex it up for a couple decades before she gets stuck in a nursing home not being able to remember her own name. She's your mum, but she's a woman and a human being, dont be hating her for wanting to live
Personally I'd advise talking about the relationship you have or did have with your parents and how you were raised with someone professional. At 22, you seem awfully bothered about what your parents are doing are relying on your grandparents now as you feel you've been "abandoned". You have little adult life from what you describe, like meeting girls, having fun and NOT having a "crutch". You need to find out why this is, why you're still overly attached It does sound like you have mild depression, and this needs to be dealt with or it may grow. It's not usual to be so preoccupied with whats happening with your parents at your age even if they were together for 20 odd years. You're a grown man and your focus should be your life now. You weren't abandoned, you're a man not a boy. You need to get yourself together so you can get your own place and live like one Getting on with your own life is harder if there are unresolved issues surrounding your childhood, so talk them through with someone. Even if just your doctor, they can refer you to the right person In the meantime, put all your energy as best you can into living for you, and back off your grandparents. It isn't healthy to be depending on them THAT much. Good luck with your date
JoeyPB, Go hug your grandfather dammit! He ain't gonna be around forever. Do that shit NOW! Go out with the girl and be interested in her, she'll take your mind away from your troubles if you let her. Don't trouble her with your problems all at once though. Be cool, get your shit together and time will heal all wounds. Tell your grandparents how you feel about all of this, they know your parents better than you do or at least one of them. They've been around a long time and might be able to make some sense of this thing that's got you screwed up. Old people are smart as shit, they just don't talk about it. Get something to eat, hell I'm getting depressed just thinking about the food your not eating, bet grandma makes some mighty fine cookin' too. Talk to your mom, she wants to tell you why she left but you've got to listen and not get pissed. What Vanilla Gorilla said. It's natural for you to think it's your fault but it's never true, so don't beat yourself up over it, life throws some shitty cards at you sometimes but it's up to you to work through it and come out on top. All of your answers are within your family, use them. Tell your dad how you feel too. Let us know how your doing. Peace!eace: - Dale
