I started practicing pagan beliefs when I was 15. Around the age of 18/19 I got out of ALL practices because I started following a strict logic reasoning of atheism. I feel a big hole missing that science can't seem to explain. I have been so sure that there aren't any gods or anything supernatural for a long time, yet I still ache for the way I used to feel when performing rituals, or reading the stories of the old gods. I was a follower of the Norse and Celtic pantheons for 4 years. I really miss it. Has anyone ever had a similar experience?
I'm going through the same thing. Im comparatively young, but I used to consider myself Wiccan, and then moved more to a spiritualism sort of way, and I'm begining to question even that.
I've been a practicing Pagan for a little more than 10 years. I'm also a student of comparative religions. I blend a lot of belief systems into my own personal belief system and I call myself an Eclectic Spiritualist... I'm finding quite a few others who hold this same beliefs and use the same title. Now I hope there will not be someone who will tell me "You can't do that", that's what stopped me from posting here anymore before. A person's faith is highly personal, and it's not up to anyone to tell someone else what should be involved in their religion. I don't understand why anyone feels threatened by one someone else believes. If you don't agree with what I believe, fine.. that's your right. But you don't the right to tell me, or anyone else, that what they believe is wrong. It may be wrong for you, but it's perfectly fine for me.
I'm in pretty much the exact same situation - even down to the ages! At first I explored my spiritual side, then some bad things happened in my love life (all I'm gonna say) and I kinda withdrew from everything that wasn't cold logic and purely fact-based, naturally leading me to Atheism. Nowadays, my beliefs are a lot more complicated.. I see the God and Goddess as aspects of Nature (a term I extend to include the Sun and the Moon and the planets as well), but I also believe the experience of the divine doesn't imply the existence of a creator God (or Goddess). I tend towards the Buddhist thinking on the subject: we are here, this is now, the past is merely an illusion. I've no real wish to declare for one path or another (i.e. Wicca, Asatru, Druidry etc) so you could call me an eclectic panentheist pagan (Apologies for the fairly disconnected ramble!)
I think I know what you mean. My dear friend recently went from being a spiritual pagan to mostly a skeptical atheist and I started studying more into atheism, objectivity, the scientific method, and all of that. Science is wonderful imo but it has limits as to what it can provide for the human experience. Science is analytical, "rational", and some would say left brained, while spirituality, religion, and art speak to our feelings, emotions, our holistic side. The part of ourselves that deals with consciousness, our connectiveness to everything, the magic that is life. I would say, don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable with, just do what feels natural. Don't listen too much to one side over the other. It is not about being right or wrong, it is about awareness and finding what you seek within yourself. You can argue about what existence is for thousands of years, and you will never really know for sure. That is a part of being a human. We will always be limited in what we can know. Nobody is going to punish you for being wrong, because all of us are wrong in some ways. Be humble in this fact, and be open to the messages that you receive. Don't suppress your spiritual intuition in favor of science. Educate yourself, but remember that science has only touched the tip of the iceberg compared to what is left to unveil. Just try to enjoy yourself for a while and see what comes out of it. You don't have to take myths as being literal. You can still have rituals and be spiritual even if you don't believe in anything "supernatural", if you want. Life is magical onto itself...no matter what form...and after a while you may find that some experiences are completely natural. Your callings, too, are a part of nature...to suppress it would be unnatural...we are spiritual creatures. and well, that is part of how I look at it. Do what you will.
