Legal drugs aren't any better than illegal ones

The title says it all. Basically, it has been awhile since I've been around here and decided to update my situation along with a bit of venting for myself.

I have horrible ADHD, I can't concentrate for shit, people complain about not being able to multi-task, hell I can't even single-task. Awhile back I was busted for pot, went on probation and decided I needed to quit drugs; So, I DID. about a month into probation, I suppose my brain decided I needed a medication to function properly but really the only thing going through my mind when I seen my doctor for ADHD was, "I want some drugs, I wanna be 'high' again." I know I have adhd but I went to the doctor and sugar-coated my condition to recieve medication I wanted. I recieved adderal and was very happy with the outcome. Sure, I abused it, more than I should've but finally I started to take the drug properly. When I take adderal properly, it does wonders for me, it truly does but then the hell eventually started.. I was losing weight, bad, I now weigh between 110 and 115; I'm 5'10. These is very unhealthy and I'm pretty underweight, I was always small but never this bad. They decided to lower my medication, I was only taking 20mgs twice daily but when they tampered with the medication I started to swing between depression and bad fits of rage. Obviously this is just withdrawel but school just recently started, I have no motivation and have no concentration what so ever. Obviously, adderall left me worse than I was before the medication. Tommorow they're going to look into changing my prescription but the only thing I see they can try that wont make the weight loss horrible would be strattera and I doubt it'll work.. I thought I quit drugs 7 months ago, I was wrong.

I notice so many people on here asking how to get scripts, trust me, Don't even waste your time. This drug is evil, the addiction is horrible and quitting it just after a short amount of time has proven to be very fucking hard. Sure, it may get you 'speedy' or 'high' but eventually this thing will consume you, eventually you'll realize you need a pill just to wake up in the morning. Untill I have my morning dose, I feel like watered down dogshit. I hate being dependant and I figure a lot of you will too.

I just got off house arrest 2 weeks ago, I was on house arrest for 3 months and nearly went CRAZY. Just when I get off they tamper my doses and I get an attitude back. When I was on the adderall it did make me a better person, I wasn't a dick and I didn't have an attitude what so ever and that very effect kept me from getting into more trouble. What i'm scared of is I'll revert back to that 'old person', who will I be without the medication? If I even obtain an attitude and show no progress I will be sent to a juvenile correctional facility untill I'm 18, that's about 6 months. I think in 3 months or less I'll be out of all this legal bullshit, I don't want to screw up. I believe the court has provisions set for those people whom are having their medication tampered with and changed so I may be safe. I don't know, all this scares me.

To all the people considering adderall: It's no safer than any illegal drugs. Just because you can get it from the doctor doesn't mean the after effects will be better than any other drug. I made a lot of mistakes in my life but I'd say going to adderall was my worst. I've lost most of my friends over my 'change' and this shit is hurting my relationship with my girlfriend, some people fail to realize that medication changes people; sometimes, not for the better.

I see the addiction, I realize I have a problem but why can't I seem to change now that I want too? I KNOW THE PROBLEM, I know when I'm a dick while going through withdrawels is hurting people close to me but I don't notice the rage untill AFTER it already happens. I don't know who I wanna 'be' anymore, I don't wanna go to whom I was before because that person only meant trouble, the person I am now isn't working out at all. I have no sense of direction, I need help but don't know how to ask for it nor do I know where to start. I'm still addicted to drugs, I still sometimes miss them, I miss the escape, I miss just saying 'fuck it' but I can't do that now.. I need to make something of myself, not only for me but for the love of my life, I want to do good but I can't find a starting line.

 

Im gonna tell you your problem, think about it real hard. Its not the drugs fault, its YOU. Say you want to stay out of trouble and stay sober, it all starts with you. You have to want it with ever fiber of your body. "I know the problem" ok now thats the first step and often the hardest one. Adderall never made you a better person because you were under the influence of a drug. Dont get me wrong adderall when used properly does wonders for concentration, but it doesnt solve behavioral/life problems. I think its more than just withdrawals your going through. Adderall was a temporary 'solution' but in reality your problems were slowing getting worse and worse. The problems are all dumped on you all at once and now you have to deal with them on top of fighting addiction.

I dont mean to come off as being mean or that i know everything about you. Im in almost the same position as you. I had problems that i didnt even really realize until it was too late. All i knew was that i hurt. I did every drug under the rainbow telling myself excuses that i knew deep down were lies. I became numb and apathetic, the drugs werent enough to make me feel good or bad. This is where i discovered the drug 'crime' and became instantly hooked because i could feel. It was exciting, my adrenaline would race and i would feel invincible during and after each time i didnt get caught.

Now im facing 8 juvenile felonies and 1 "stike" adult felony. I spent 3 weeks in juvie and now im out on house arrest for 3 months. Im most likely will be getting 6 months for the adult charge. I have had alot of time to think about things as you can see. Now all im left with is "Now what?". Like you i need to make something of myself but i dont have that 2nd chance until i get out of jail. I guess what im saying is try to look on the bright side of things, its never too late.

You have already crossed the starting line. I think you need someone to talk to, a therapist can help even if its just to vent.

It took me awhile to write this because it came from my heart (and because i have focus problems too haha). Like i said i dont know you and maybe none of this applys to you, but i hope it helps in someways.

 

Thanks for the reply.

I fully understand what you're saying, I was thinking long and hard about it last night, (as I have been for the past few weeks now) and I suppose this isn't the drugs fault, it really is mine.. I went to a counseler a few times but when she persisted to say I had a mood disorder, I refused to believe her, she said adderall would send my moods in a downward spiral and now I believe her. I can't afford a therapist/counsler, so I suppose I'm on my own here. I do believe though that if it wasn't for the adderall at the present moment, I wouldn't have these fits of rage, they're slightly getting better though so that's good.

Anyways, sorry to hear what you're going through, I just recently finished my 3 months of house arrest and that stuff SUCKED. I can truly say even just that sentence gave me a whole new view of the 'law', it did give me a lot of time to think, so in a way it was a good thing that all of this had happened. may I ask what the charges were?

 

When i was in juvie the psychologist said i might be bi-polar, i didnt really believe him. Sometimes i think about it and it could be a possiblity, even if its true, its probably mild.

As for my charges, two residential burglaries, two counts of car theft, four counts of receiving stolen property and finally another burglary charge in adult court. Dont feel sorry, i did the crime and now im doing the time. House arrest does suck though, i cant imagine how shitty my social skills are now.

 

none of these situations would exist if we had sane drug laws -_-

 

Re-re-re-regulation!

 

Yeah! Ugh, my social skills sucked afterwards, I was finally able to be a 'nice outgoing' person and bam house arrest fucked it up. I seen 2 different psychologists whom both said I had a mood disorder, maybe they were right but I don't want pills for that, I like MY MOODS, they let people know how i'm feelin!

 

I could have told you that. They are giving that soul killer to second graders man... Its so fucked up. Smoke weed dude, well at least wait till you get off probo.

 

man this sucks. Im so sorry. I mean i havent taken adderall since last year (and its my favorite drug) but in the last three weeks, ive been taking vyvanse like candy. Just earlier today at school i took 160mg of it, that was at 9:40AM and its 4AM now and my hearts still beatin faster than normal and im completely awake, i got school at 8AM. Im not even trying to get to sleep right now cuz i know i cant. Ive decided to never take that much again, but this acually was good for me to read. I mean i still want a script, but i think if i get one, im acually going to take it like im supposed to and see how it works out.

They are a amazing rush, but if im going to take them, im going to try and avoid addiction and when i abuse, not to take more than once a week. Everytime my vys wear off i feel depressed becuase i have to go through the next day without it, thats a mild depression that lasts a day. when i do this stuff i can talk like a charm and my luck goes way up, nothing goes wrong sadly.

 

Yeah, well adderall (any stimulant pretty much) is an amazing rush, when I used to abuse those things... WOW, the rush was amazing but very addicting, I found myself doing it every day (up the nose).. I realized that was a major problem considering every time it wore off I became majorly depressed for no reason, when I started taking adderall as prescribed, I found myself to be happy! Bleh, well I haven't taken adderall in 2 days, started off with strattera instead and it seems to help slightly but wow, the rage from lack of adderall is tearing me apart.

 

tbh scripts wont help anyones situation unless you are so strong. and yea some people can do drugs, even for a long period of time and then just drop it no problem. but it takes someone with incredible willpower depending on what it is your doing. my advice is to stay away from stimulants and hell i think we all know about downers too. but it all depends on the person. most people trick themselves.