how to stop using the needle, i'm dead serious.

Discussion in 'Psychedelics' started by Pellinore, Sep 16, 2009.

  1. Pellinore

    Pellinore Member

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    Thank you. I just want to say sorry for getting this emotional. I was coming down, took alot of shots today, just took another shot, coming down from this stuff is really painfull, i will do one more shot tonight, i hope i can sleep after it, and start out clean again tomorrow. The reason i'm asking for help here, is because so many people irl tried to help me, but i just dissappointed everyone again and again, i can't do this anymore. I can't go out again and say "i'm back on the stuff". If anyone has advice, just post it in a pm. I'm not looking for attention, i just can't let everyone down again. And i want to stop this before it turns into a complete nightmare. Once again, sorry for getting so weird, its the brain rushes that cause me to become like this. I'm really ashamed about it. I shouldn't lose my cool this easy.

    edit: thanks peaceandrasta, doing it safer is one step forward
     
  2. Xanonimity

    Xanonimity Member

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    Why don't you just try taking the pills instead of IV, and doing it less and less or smaller doses less often, tapering yourself off that?
     
  3. Pellinore

    Pellinore Member

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    I can try that for a while, i used to snort it in the past, but the rush from injecting is just so many times bigger. One more shot tonight, and then i will try to stay clean, if i really need something, i can use it the normal way. Its just, a few months ago, i went so far with it, that i ended up in a hospital, and 40 days in a mental instutite thingy (was for people with depressions and addictions). I just need to stop with it now, before it starts all over again, getting the pills isn't a problem. and i can't do this to my parents again, and to those who supported me all the time.
     
  4. Pellinore

    Pellinore Member

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    I'm still looking for something, getting clean isn't that hard, just need some willpower, but is there anyone with experience or with good advice on things to replace all this drugs? I tried to do artschool at the beginning of this month, and i got hooked up with speed for a while (i spent 140 euros on speed a few weeks ago, so it wasn't really a little that i used, as i said before), i began using it because the pressure was just to much, and i had to quit school. after quitting i got to get clean for a week or two, but i couldn't handle sitting home anymore without having a future, so i began using today. Mr. writer gave some good advice on how to get the rush in other ways. But i don't know, how do i escape from everything without drugs when everything gets to much? how do i feel alive, when i'm just drifting around in life? its easy to stop with drugs, but it doesn't solve the cause of why i began using it in the first place. so how do i get my mind somewhere else?

    edit: i will try to sleep now (or atleast rest) and come back tomorrow. I'm not weak or anything, its just sometimes so easier to just say "screw it all, lets take that needle and get a awesome kick". its maybe hard to understand, but once i started injecting things, everything else became boring, only a shot could make me feel something.
     
  5. Hippie McRaver

    Hippie McRaver Senior Member

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  6. Mr.Writer

    Mr.Writer Senior Member

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    First off, stop apologizing for making this thread. You have a very serious problem man. This thread is like 1% of what you should be doing. You should be making a thread in many other forums, addiction forums and the like, it will help you.

    People are going to make fun of you and ridicule your problem, but only because they don't know your whole story. I don't know your whole story either, but I know that no man is an island, and I know that you weren't "normal" one day and shooting Ritalin multiple times a day and depressed the next. You're at an age where a lot of people, including myself, find great, serious difficulty in life.

    Life is not going to magically start fulfilling you. It won't. This is the harsh truth you must really learn for yourself. The only way I know that you can learn this is to finally find the one thing that you put into life, which makes life bearable. Right now you are like a passenger to your own existence, and you have found this one thing which, for a few hours, makes you feel like it's finally you living your life as you want it to be.

    But this thing was never meant to have that role; not for long at least, for your squishy human vessel was not engineered by aeons of struggle and diversity to be good at having Ritalin injected into it. If you continue on this path, you, will, die. So right away realize that amphetamine is not something which gives your life meaning, but a thief, who steals years off your life, and like a chemical Indiana Jones, replaces the weight of that with chemical confidence so that you, as the guardian of the temple of your life, do not cry out against this crime.

    Your one hope, and the one hope of any addict, is to finally see this crime for what it is, and to perform your sacred duties as temple-man. Clean it out.

    Clean out all the dirt in yourself. When your domain is healthy, life will begin sprouting and raining down on you, and you will forever look back at these years in confusion, wondering why you didn't see it all along.


    Out of the night that covers me,
    Black as a Pit from pole to pole,
    I thank whatever gods may be
    For my unconquerable soul.

    In the fell clutch of circumstance
    I have not winced nor cried aloud,
    Under the bludgeonings of chance
    My head is bloody, but unbowed.

    Beyond this place of wrath and tears
    Looms but the horror of the shade,
    And yet the menace of the years
    Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

    It matters not how straight the gate,
    How charged with punishments the scroll,
    I am the master of my fate:
    I am the Captain of my soul.


    - Willian Ernest Henley

    Also, if you want to look even more emo in your sig, may I suggest black eyeliner? ;) :cheers2:
     
  7. spiralout23

    spiralout23 Member

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    the chick on that video was absolutely disgusting, I had to turn it off.
     
  8. Hippie McRaver

    Hippie McRaver Senior Member

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    yeh its a tough watch
     
  9. Pellinore

    Pellinore Member

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    THANKS FOR THE ADVICE WRITER!!

    and thanks for the shock therapy raver (altho i knew most of those things)

    Almost 6 am, have been up all night, still shooting up. this is horrible, in the past i would never wait to come down and then sleep, i would just keep shooting up untill i just fell asleep because of exhaustion, everytime i use more of this, the kickback gets greater, i should have stayed with one shot. have been thinking alot, if i get out of this alive, i will dedicate my life to writing and meditation, atleast for a while. Writing is perfect to escape into a whole other world, while meditation will make me feel more alive and in touch. everything is insane, my arm is messed up, and there is only rush and come down, i managed to endure the coming down for 3 hours, but then just screwed it up. i can't believe all this is happening all over again, i hope i run out of pills soon, and that i will have the willpower to not get new ones. thanks for all the support, i think i will be stronger once this episode is over, i have a general idea how to stay clean now, and how to find a little purpose in life again.

    once again, sorry if i sound weird, all these rushes and running thoughts are scrambling my mind.
     
  10. Mr.Writer

    Mr.Writer Senior Member

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    if youre not gonna eat often, eat very well when you do. dont munch on chips or something, try and eat as many food groups as you can in what little goes into your belly.
     
  11. Pellinore

    Pellinore Member

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    I iv'ed 20 pills of 30mg in one day (its the modified release, i don't know how well my extraction method is, but i think i get most of the rilatin, its also without binders), normally you take 30mg for a whole day orally. I'm phsycally and mentally broken. thanks for all the help and advice, i don't have that much pills left, and unless i want to die, i have no other choice now then just come down and rest for a day or two. actually i have no idea why my heart is still beating, even tho its a weak and out of pace beat right now. i hope that i can stop with it after having come down. and i hope that i won't inject more, you don't feel much of pain when you're on it, the pain comes after, i can keep shooting up and not feel a thing untill its to late, i hope this won't happen. Just one more step away from ending all this insanity.

    ps: i won't be posting here anymore untill i'm entirely clean, don't want to get all ackward and post weird things again because of coming down, and all the emotions that come along. and thanks for all the advice, all this made me realise that i can chose another way then ruining myself and my life. I hope i can leave my years of drug use behind now, altho i wished it so many times before.
     
  12. pr0ne420

    pr0ne420 Senior Member

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    Bro, love is BETTER than the story books. Its just dem drugs all up in yo brain. Smoke weed instead of shooting soul killers, or better yet, stop doing drugs in general because you obviously have a problem. Is rehab still an option?Brainwashing is good if your fucking LIFE is on the line. Google NA or AA meetings in your town, go to them. If your willing and really want to get clean, get involved with NA/AA. Or you could try meditation, psychedelics, spirituality if you think you can do it without the help of others. But I suggest some NA/AA meetings.
     
  13. deleted

    deleted Visitor

  14. rollingalong

    rollingalong Banned

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    how to stop using the needle, i'm dead serious.
     
  15. pr0ne420

    pr0ne420 Senior Member

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    I have seen some fucked up shit irl. I have seen all those fucked up internet videos of dudes cutting their dicks, people cutting eyeballs out, assholes killing some homeless guy, but this video is the most horrible thing I have ever seen in my life. With this one, I can say whole heartedly that I wished I hadnt watched it. So sad.
     
  16. Hippie McRaver

    Hippie McRaver Senior Member

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    it is terrible, I had the same reaction

    however the message is clear, dont shoot up pills or you will fall apart
     
  17. Mr.Writer

    Mr.Writer Senior Member

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    yeah that's pretty tragic, you gotta feel bad for those ruski homeboys just looking for some chemical fun. imagine if that shit happened to you from something you thought was perfectly safe.

    dude, 20 pills a day? holy shit man, you're right, i DONT know how you're still alive. i don't think you have many of these days left man, before your heart clocks out. will it be worth it? for ritalin? fuck that shit, don't pay some rich company from your wallet and your life. you're better than this.
     
  18. spiralout23

    spiralout23 Member

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    If you have enough self control psychedelics can help you alot. Go into it with serious intent and explore your brain and find out why you do this and where its leading too, I know they helped me alot with my addiction to heroin.
     
  19. Pellinore

    Pellinore Member

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    did it again today, it just feels to good, and if i'm not on it i just feel like a wreck, tried to find another prescription, my brother used to use those pills, but he quit recently, so figured no-one would miss those prescription, we got some pills at home left, but they are in the firesafe and my parents always have the key wit them. if i had acces to more pills, i probably couldn't leave it, guess i'm lucky options are running out. I think i know why i do this, it how my life turned out to be, and the dissappointment, as i kid i always had big plans about the future. I tried to take up life again many times, but everything just fails again and again.
     
  20. Pellinore

    Pellinore Member

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    i shouldn't tell this, the reason they wanted to keep me for 3 more months at the institute thing, was because they thougt i had some disorder, where my mood goes up and down, and that that in combination with addiction is very dangerous (and that the injecting of rilatin was a passive suicide attempt etc). some doctor once said when i was a kid that i might have some form of bipolar stuff. I don't know, i just stop caring about everything when it just all gets dark, i just want a way out of it then. tried so many anti-depressants, they all make it alot worse, if i could just get my normal life back.

    I don't know about psychedelics, tried it a few times, had some terrible things in my childhood and all, and they all came up again during those trips, i did feel relieved in a way after it, but still unpleasant. I listen alot to music, lately its been just iggy pop, but that just adds to the feeling that everything has gone to waste, so instead trying to listen to stuff like bruce springsteen and all.
     

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