Over forty years on and I’m still confused. What happened to me, was it real or was it hallucinatory I just don’t know? I dropped some LSD and while waiting I had some smoke. Then with a friend went for a walk. I didn’t enjoy his company and I was feeling stoned and a bit paranoid with the pot so I went off on my own. I was feeling a little bit guilty about leaving him as I wasn’t sure how he would be reacting to that: I was torn between returning to him or continuing on my own. The agitation built up so I decided to lie down in the grass and try and relax. I closed my eyes and saw vivid pictures swirling around that made no sense, this only added to my agitation. So I opened my eyes and got up. Still wandering around thinking hard about what to do, I couldn’t stand it anymore I had to stop all the mind stuff churning on. I knew a bit about meditation and picked a spot to sit down so I could meditate. I sat down and made an effort to be silent within, by this time the acid must have been kicking in. I felt myself moving upwards, I saw geometric symbols, up and up I went until I saw the universe all around me, stars and galaxies; it felt like my creation and I was the centre of it. The thought occurred to me if this continues I’ll not get back to my body so I relocated back into my body and opened my eyes, (this was more of a reaction against dying than a free decision). I felt completely different no longer concerned for my friend and I sensed a strange separation between my head and the rest of my body. I felt I was my head and the rest of me was a vehicle a machine. I pinched my thigh hard to feel pain. I felt pain of course but it wasn’t me, there was no attachment; it was as if pain was just a negative thought. I had the impression that this how mystics down the ages must be. I remember smiling at a boy and his girl and heard him say to his girl, “Who does he think he is Jesus Christ” I thought to myself “Well yeah sort of.” I walked a bit and then sat down to see if I could go back to deep space but I became conscious that I was actually two beings, there was my mortal self, my body identity if you like and this god like self, a massive being who had no identity who was the essence of everybody, it seemed very familiar as if I’d woken up from a body dream. Well that’s about it thanks for reading this far. I still don’t know to this day if it was all about a brain hyped up on acid or whether it was a glimpse of the truth. Oh my friend I met later, he was fine and had no qualms about me walking off.
Sounds like you caught a glimpse into something surreal. What is one to believe when fasting for days and meditating if the transcendental visions they achieve were real or just some strange chemical reaction in their brain. But this is something only you know in the end, follow your intuition is all I can say and don't worry too much about it, what are you going to lose or gain either way at least you got that far, it's more than many people can say. I enjoyed your story too by the way, if that's any consolation.
And thats what i love most about it...Ive been thinking about how personal my acid trips have been and all i have to say is thats its almost like it was meant to be in a very strange way.
