I was recently communicating with a young friend in South Africa who is Afrikaan and has fallen for a black girlfriend. His parents are reacting civily but apparently not overjoyed. Reminds me of the attitudes in the United States that I encountered when Brenda and I became lovers. I later saw the nuances of racism - even among well educated and liberal friends in a college town. This article was published in the Gainesville Sun, (Florida) Parents' Forum on Sunday April 24, 1994, with a foto of Shale and grandsons KJ and Kevin. Since this article, interracial adoptions have become more the norm, both with celebrities and with less known parents, but the dilemma of dealing with a child who becomes too close to someone of a different race surely still exists. Cycle of Prejudice That Must be Broken Rob Boyte February 1994 Teaching Tolerance is the title of an educational program for children by the Southern Poverty Law Center. With the distressing news that racism is becoming ever popular, with incidents of racial polarization even among young college students, it is time we emphasized the beauty of diversity to our children and young adults. But, my parenting tip is not about teaching tolerance to children. Children are born tolerant. It is when their innate acceptance of diversity is corrupted by prejudicial attitudes around them that they develop mistrust, fear and hatred of those who appear different. Teaching Tolerance is a remedial course; an attempt to undo the harm that was done before the child reached school age. It's a difficult task, trying to break the cycle of prejudice. There are many parents who are so polarized against "them" that they actively teach their children intolerance. Hopefully, those children can be redeemed in an enlightened education system. This parenting message is for that vast majority of people who feel they are not prejudiced, treat every race with respect and let their children play in mixed race groups. This is the civility expected in our officially integrated society, but children are very quick to pick up on their parent's true feelings. This is where the cycle of prejudice must be broken and it requires the parents' self-evaluation of their true feelings. Do you really want your child to accept diversity? How about embracing it? How would you feel if your teenage child dated someone of a different race? What about eventual marriage? If these questions are disturbing or cause concern, then it may be that you haven't resolved all of your personal prejudices, which will send conflicting messages to a child who is being taught racial equality. You may want to explore why these questions disturb you, for true acceptance of diversity does not have limits. Of course I advocate a color blind society and realize that I am in a minority for doing so. There are social workers and official policies that advocate adopting children only within the same race, for the noble reason of preserving some racial/cultural difference. These attitudes are finally being debunked as divisive and detrimental to children and there may yet come a day when children of various races will truly be brothers and sisters. It would be nice if we could break the polarity of white and black, and learn to appreciate as children do the myriad of colors people come in - from pink to dark brown. I am tan. My wife, daughter and grandsons are brown. Some of my nieces and nephews are brown, some are tan - not much darker than me. My six-year-old grandson doesn't yet know that I'm "white." He just sees me as another "bright" member of the family. Someday, he'll encounter people who will tell him about "whitey" and the oppression. I just hope that his experience with Grandpa Rob will diffuse such racially based hatred.
I wouldn't mind who Rose (my beautiful daughter) brought home, man/woman, black/white as long as they treat her with the respect she deserves and make her happy. I am mixed race(some would call me brown,most people call me mandi!) , and also believe in a colour-blind society, but which also respects the beliefs/culture of individuals in that society. All forms of prejudice are ignorant, unintelligent, and unproductive for humankind as a whole. It is us, as parents/grandparents/carers/older generation that have the responsibility to teach our kids, not to just to tolerate racial diversity but, as you say, embrace it. But what if the parents are racist? Is our educational system really going to change these beliefs? With mixed religion schools and nativity plays? Sorry for rambling. I have so much to say about this,and so many dreams for our society living as one, but sometimes it's hard to express Peace
I am really an advocate of teaching our racist past here in the States and am quite disappointed that our schools do not show from where we have come, with the hope that we never go back. I ask young ppl all the time if they are aware that in most of the US it was illegal for blacks and whites to intermarry until 1967 when the US Supreme Court intervened. And most of them are not. We all know how racist South Africa was with its townships and strict segregation, yet most in the US don't know that our laws were just as bad well into the 20th Century. Oh and it was into the 21st Century before homosexual acts were decriminalized by the US Supreme Court. Ironically it was a mixed race gay couple who were involved in that case as well.
I realised that I made a mistake in my previous post(read 'non-mixed schools') I whole heartedly agree. If the parents/carers fail, the educational system is the next resort.But what if this fails too? The cycle continues if our children are not being told a true history.
Things have improved in my lifetime and here is an entry from my travel journal: On Monday Oct. 8, 2007 I left St. Louis, taking the train to New Orleans. On the way we pass Brookhaven Mississippi, my family's hometown where I spent many childhood summers. I was talking to some Australian travelers about the racism in the Deep South, some of which I experienced first-hand in segregation days. (I remember as a teen drinking out of the "colored" drinking fountain at the J.C. Penney store in Brookhaven, just because I wasn't supposed to and it was such a silly law) When we got to Brookhaven, instead of the normal one or two passengers, there were at least 30 kindergarten kids getting on the train for a 30-minute ride to McComb, the next town (coulda been a hundred kids with the commotion they brought to the train). They were from Monticello, a smaller town 20 miles East of Brookhaven. What really struck me about these kids was that there were little brown ones with little blond, blue-eyed ones and they seemed to have no idea of the difference. The Deep South has really come a long way in my lifetime. Black-White Kids in Mississippi 2007 The reason I revisited this observation was because of my Carnival Cruise in April 2009. As with any cruise there is an infinite variety of people from all over the world thrown together on this one small floating city of four thousand. As usual, besides the Europeans and European derived Americans, there were many East Asians, Indians, Caribbean Islanders and Hispanics from all over Latin America. There were several black/white interracial couples as well. And, as I observed on my last cruise, this was not the usual makeup of the population where many of these people come from and it would be nice if they could take this cosmopolitan mindset back home to the heartland. As if to bring home again that the new generation is perhaps not being burdened by the fallacy of the past, where whites and blacks were not allowed to swim together in the Atlantic Ocean in Miami, I watched two little boys, one black the other white, get into the hot tub to play. Best Buddies on a Cruise Apr 2009 They came together and were very familiar with each other, as if they were best buddies. This happens with kids on a ship and I only saw these two from afar so I don't know if they were friends before embarkation or just paired up for these four days. But the color difference did not matter to them, they were just two boys at play; two friends. Pretty much like my own adolescent grandson and his best ship buddy on our first cruise in 2007. Kevin & Friend - Caribbean Cruise March 2007
Well, with all the good news about how things have changed in the racist south and that ppl are accepting differences in a color-blind world, this comes along in the news. Interracial couple denied marriage license in Louisiana By MARY FOSTER, Associated Press Writer OCTOBER 15, 2009 NEW ORLEANS – A Louisiana justice of the peace said he refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for any children the couple might have. Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says it is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long. "I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else." Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said. Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said. "There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage," Bardwell said. "I think those children suffer and I won't help put them through it." If he did an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said. "I try to treat everyone equally," he said. Bardwell estimates that he has refused to marry about four couples during his career, all in the past 2 1/2 years. Beth Humphrey, 30, and 32-year-old Terence McKay, both of Hammond, say they will consult the U.S. Justice Department about filing a discrimination complaint. Humphrey, an account manager for a marketing firm, said she and McKay, a welder, just returned to Louisiana. She is white and he is black. She plans to enroll in the University of New Orleans to pursue a masters degree in minority politics. "That was one thing that made this so unbelievable," she said. "It's not something you expect in this day and age." Humphrey said she called Bardwell on Oct. 6 to inquire about getting a marriage license signed. She says Bardwell's wife told her that Bardwell will not sign marriage licenses for interracial couples. Bardwell suggested the couple go to another justice of the peace in the parish who agreed to marry them. "We are looking forward to having children," Humphrey said. "And all our friends and co-workers have been very supportive. Except for this, we're typical happy newlyweds." "It is really astonishing and disappointing to see this come up in 2009," said American Civil Liberties Union of Louisiana attorney Katie Schwartzmann. She said the Supreme Court ruled in 1967 "that the government cannot tell people who they can and cannot marry." The ACLU sent a letter to the Louisiana Judiciary Committee, which oversees the state justices of the peace, asking them to investigate Bardwell and recommending "the most severe sanctions available, because such blatant bigotry poses a substantial threat of serious harm to the administration of justice." "He knew he was breaking the law, but continued to do it," Schwartzmann said. According to the clerk of court's office, application for a marriage license must be made three days before the ceremony because there is a 72-hour waiting period. The applicants are asked if they have previously been married. If so, they must show how the marriage ended, such as divorce. Other than that, all they need is a birth certificate and Social Security card. The license fee is $35, and the license must be signed by a Louisiana minister, justice of the peace or judge. The original is returned to the clerk's office. "I've been a justice of the peace for 34 years and I don't think I've mistreated anybody," Bardwell said. "I've made some mistakes, but you have too. I didn't tell this couple they couldn't get married. I just told them I wouldn't do it." OK, an UPDATE: Things seem to be progressing as they should. Sat October 17, 2009 Governor calls for firing of justice in interracial marriage case HAMMOND, Louisiana (CNN) -- The actions of a justice of the peace in Louisiana who refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple have prompted some top officials, including Gov. Bobby Jindal, to call for his dismissal. Jindal said the state judiciary committee should review the incident in which Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace for Tangipahoa Parish's 8th Ward, refused to issue a marriage license to Beth Humphrey, 30, and her boyfriend, Terence McKay, 32, both of Hammond. "This is a clear violation of constitutional rights and federal and state law. ... Disciplinary action should be taken immediately -- including the revoking of his license," the Republican governor said. Sen. Mary L. Landrieu, D-Louisiana, said the committee should "use its authority to have Justice Bardwell dismissed from his position." "Not only does [Bardwell's] decision directly contradict Supreme Court rulings, it is an example of the ugly bigotry that divided our country for too long," she said. Bardwell has not returned repeated calls from CNN this week. Yeah, I got a question for Bardwell. What about the President of the United States? :toetap05: (The nation which laws you presumably have vowed to uphold - you backwater jerk). Obama is the product of an interracial marriage. Seems he's turned out OK.
A final update to this racist jerk in Louisiana who refused to marry an interracial couple out of concern for any kids from the union (Like Barak Obama). Well, they finally convinced the simpleton that he was violating the law, embarrasing a traditionally racist state that was trying to get past that and he was a couple centuries behind the real world, if not his own little backwater community. Louisiana justice who refused interracial marriage resigns November 3, 2009 10:47 p.m. EST (CNN) -- A Louisiana justice of the peace who drew criticism for refusing to marry an interracial couple has resigned, the secretary of state's office said Tuesday. Keith Bardwell resigned in person at the Louisiana secretary of state's office, said spokesman Jacques Berry. The state Supreme Court will appoint an interim justice of the peace to fill Bardwell's position, Berry said, and a special election will be held next year to fill the position permanently. Bardwell, a justice of the peace for Tangipahoa Parish's 8th Ward, refused to perform a marriage ceremony for Beth Humphrey, 30, and her boyfriend Terence McKay, 32, both of Hammond, Louisiana, and sign their marriage license. The two were married by another justice of the peace. The couple filed a federal discrimination lawsuit against Bardwell and his wife, Beth Bardwell, on October 20, claiming the two violated the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment. Bardwell, speaking to CNN affiliate WBRZ, said he was advised "that I needed to step down because they was going to take me to court, and I was going to lose." "I would probably do the same thing again," he said. "I found out I can't be a justice of the peace and have a conscience." (He found out that a "Justice" must uphold the LAW, not his own personal beliefs - what a jerk!) Sen. Mary L. Landrieu, D-Louisiana, who had called for Bardwell's dismissal, said Tuesday night that "Bardwell has finally consented to the will of the vast majority of Louisiana citizens and nearly every governmental official in Louisiana. Bardwell's refusal to issue marriage licenses to interracial couples was out of step with our Louisiana values and reflected terribly on our state. We are better off without him in public service." Initial reports were that Bardwell refused to issue a marriage license to the couple, but in the lawsuit Humphrey and McKay say they obtained the license from the parish court clerk's office and contacted Bardwell to see if he would perform the ceremony and sign the license to legally validate the marriage. Humphrey wound up speaking by telephone with Beth Bardwell, the lawsuit said, and Beth Bardwell asked Humphrey if they were a "mixed couple." When told they were an interracial couple, Beth Bardwell said, according to the lawsuit, "We don't do interracial weddings," and told her the two would have to go outside the parish to marry. Bardwell did not return repeated phone calls from CNN in October, but told CNN affiliate WAFB that he had no regrets about the decision. "It's kind of hard to apologize for something that you really and truly feel down in your heart you haven't done wrong," he said. In addition, he told the Hammond Daily Star in an October story that he did not marry the couple because he was concerned for the children that might be born of the relationship and that, in his experience, most interracial marriages don't last. "I'm not a racist," he said. "I do ceremonies for black couples right here in my house. My main concern is for the children." Humphrey said in October that she wanted Bardwell to resign. "He doesn't believe he's being racist, but it is racist," she said. According to the lawsuit, Bardwell estimated he refused to marry at least four other interracial couples in the past 2½ years. "Defendant Beth Bardwell ... aided, abetted and conspired with defendant Keith Bardwell to deprive plaintiffs of their constitutionally protected civil rights," according to the suit. No response to the suit has been filed, and it was unclear whether the Bardwells had retained an attorney. The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages, claiming that Humphrey and McKay suffered emotional distress as a result of the incident. Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal has said he believed Bardwell should lose his license, and the National Urban League called for an investigation into the incident by the U.S. Justice Department's Civil Rights Division, saying in a statement that Bardwell's actions were "a huge step backward in social justice." According to the Census Bureau, Tangipahoa Parish is about 70 percent white and 30 percent black. The U.S. Supreme Court tossed out any racially-based limitations on marriage in the landmark 1967 ruling in the case Loving v. Virginia. In the unanimous decision, the court said that under the Constitution, "the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State." CNN's Shawn Nottingham contributed to this report.
