so ive been talking to this girl for a couple weeks and she is definitely into me. she is really cool and fun to be with. shes no supermodel, but she is cute. the catch is, the other day she told me she was saving herself for marriage. i had been considering a long term relationship, but having already had sex with numerous women, i just dont know i want to enter a most likely sexless relationship. thoughts?
ok i'm going to try here..... bare with me. i was raised lds. i have had relations with more than one guy. and my parents always want me to come back to the church. and although i agree with some of the principals of the religion (but fuck organized religion... never mind this isn't about religion haha) i don't think i could date a nice mormon guy who was a virgin and be able to tell him hey i did this and this and this and you've done NOTHING.... i mean it makes me feel bad for him. like he saved himself for something special.... and i didn't think it was that special at all i shared it with other ppl. i can't do that. i won't do that. i'm not going to give up sex for someone who wants to wait till marriage. i want to marry someone who feels the same way about sex that i do. i feel that having sex is healthy. there's nothing wrong with sharing it with multiple partners. it's all the experiance. (i'm not dissing on people who want to wait. i just think that ppl that wait till marriage should marry someone who is waiting for marriage too.) there's my 2cents. hope it helps or something
hmmm. i feel you on that. sex to me is an important part of any relationship. not just for the sex but i believe you can get to know your partner on a deeper, more personal level through sexual experiences you share. i dont feel like its something i should have to give up, or be in a relationship without that deeper connection, ya know?
exactly. i mean why would you marry someone that you didn't know if you were totally and completely 100% compatible with... not 99%.... just seems silly to me. making love with someone you truly care about and feeling that intense electricity between you and your lover is probably the most amazing (natural) feeling ever. it's bonding if nothing else. sex as sex is good it releases endorphins and can get rid of stress and it's a good cardio work out amoung other perks =] i wish you luck with your situation
agreed. im a huge lurker at the hipforums, but its good to know when i personally have an inner conflict people are here to share! glad i could talk to someone that doesnt have a biased opinion on the situation.:cheers2:
no problem. i'm glad that someone here actually took my opinion into concideration. it was a good conversation. =] i always enjoy having an intelligent conversation with someone. sharing ideas and opinions different views. when you can look at both sides of a story or situation it makes it so much easier to be an open minded person.
we are so on the same level right now haha. thanks again for making 10 minutes of my night enjoyable. my bed is calling.. late.
I'm guessing she's relatively young, still. Is it possible she could change her mind? Sex, as it should be (I think), is something that one naturally progresses to when one has that connection with someone else. Perhaps she just has not 'progressed' to that point so far... You must like quite a bit to consider a long term relationship so maybe you should give it a chance. Don't get yourself in too deep to something that could ultimately end up hurting both of you but maybe at least to the point where you can discuss her choice. Maybe you can just enjoy some time together. But as long as she's adamant and you don't consider her to be your one true love then I would give a long term relationship a miss. It will become a conflict eventually.
see thats where it gets tricky. i know theres is some chance that she could change her mind, but like you said, i be risking hurting her/myself in the process of finding that out.. ahh so complicated!
In my experience, girls often change their mind about this. But until they do, you'll be treading water for a while. Just don't be jerk and pressure her or anything, because it is completely her decision. Now, just because she won't have sex doesn't necessarily mean she wont do other things with you, but again that is her choice, and something you both should talk about. Who says you have to jump right into a serious relationship right away? I mean why don't you go out on a few dates and hang out with her to see if you even really want a serious relationship with her, keeping that "no sex" thing in mind. I was once interested in a girl who was very adamant about remaining a virgin until marriage. After going on a few dates and getting to know her very well I decided that it was worthwhile to get serious with her because i was very into her, and we clicked on all cylinders. We did end up doing a bunch of sexual stuff after a few months of just kissing (all at her request), and after a year, she decided she was ready to lose her virginity, so it happened. We weren't even talking about marriage at that point. After another year and half we ended up splitting up, but neither of us regretted the relationship. Hope my story helps.
We do have a bias, it just looks like yours! (and that's perfectly OK) I have a bias in that I am sex-positive BUT I can see the romantic thought that a young woman waited to have sex with a life partner. Steel Pulse, you said you see sex as a way to connect. I am one of those bed on the first night if it feels right sorts. I understand your view. I'm now in a long distance relationship and we have met, but we have yet to spend time together intimately (we met at a concert, hung out through it and had to exchange info- he's in Cali, I'm Colorado). Being on the phone instead of in person has forced us to really know each other BEFORE we hit the sack. We have discussed a lot of our history, where previous relationships went wrong, what we seek in a new one, what our strengths and weaknesses are in a relationship. We've fallen in love, and developed the long-term sort of love underneath it, completely over the phone. And yeah, lots of phone sex. Which also has its benefits. We know what turns the other on, off and what we might want to introduce. I imagine our first time together will be radically different than any other first time I've had, because we have talked about acts and attitudes.
If you don't want that sort of relationship, ditch it. Find something that suits you and let her find someone who cherishes her deal. She may change her mind over time, but it will 99% because she knows you would want it to happen. Consider whether she would change her mind had she been with someone else who wants to wait. Suss her out, maybe cutting the chord is for the best.
drumminmama, what i meant about having a bias is that my a couple of my friends are a little upset that i dont really want to pursue it. this is not because of the actual situation, but only because they are also friends with the girl and they think she is good for me. i understand this, but as my guy pals they really cant judge who is good for me, as they have never been in my shoes and dont know how i think, what i want out of a relationship, etc. i mean we can discuss these things with each other, which we have, but they will never truly understand what goes through my mind. how could they? on the other hand i have friends that do agree that it would not be right pursue it, as it wouldnt be fair to me. now i think about it you are right, and everyone does have some sort of bias on this situation due to personal opinions in general, but i guess your's would be a little less bias being as you wouldnt want me to pursue just cause you think shes "a nice girl". i dunno, im rambling..
I would move on. Sex is a big part of a relationship. I don't understand ppl that wait, what if you wait, get married and they suck in the sack...better to know what your dealing with now before you take an oath before god to be with that person til death. Believe it or not, not everyone knows what they are doing in bed. Sorry, just my opinion.
I didn't say I thought she was a nice girl. I didn't mention her at all. I was referring to your comment that we responders had no bias. EVERYONE has bias. We are thinking creatures, so we have a point of view.
sorry i wasn't being clear. i didn't mean that you said she was a nice girl, i was saying that was a reason that my buddies didn't agree with me, and because you don't know her you obviously wouldn't say something like that.. words are confusing
I was planning on waiting, but changed my mind. Back when I was in that mindset, it would have been a major turn off if someone tried pushing me into it... I would have still dated people who had had sex before, though... I don't know what made me change my mind, but it was all me... no one talked me into it or anything... she may change, too... she may not. If you feel like sex is a huge part of a relationship, I wouldn't get with her yet. If you really like her, it shouldn't matter too much, and if you end up loving her, it's possible to love her enough to wait for her... so if you really aren't interested in a relationship without sex... don't start one with her.
