ok so get ready because i am about to unload, i really just need somebody to talk to some advice, someone to tell me im not crazy fuck i really dont know what i need. Let me start off by sayin that i am 21 years old. i have been so depressed lately, suicidal thoughts, cant sleep cant concentrate, wake up every few hours, mind is constantly racing, having all kinds of thoughts i dont want, anxiety for the first time in my life all of this just makes me want to give up. I have been having alot of unwanted sexual thoughts, i think this is somewhat normal but it gets to me. But basically all this is happening all at once and it just overwhelms me every single day, i just want to sleep at all times. I feel like i cant even think, i feel retarted in school i cant get any math that i know i can do but i just cant seem to make my brain work, i am stuck in a constant state of reflection. When i smoke i feel crazy/ get horrible anxiety and the unwanted thoughts just keep coming. I think alot of this is due to me relizing who my parents truley are and my opinion totally changing of both of them relizing neither of them are who they claim to be and both of them deal with there issues in fucked up ways. I really dont know what im saying here just firing off what ever i can think of sorry if its not understandable, i just have been crying for the last hour and needed somewhere to vent and i figured here would be a good spot. I just need someone to talk to / tell me im not going insane/ help me thanks all for your time
:grouphug: breath... do you have a journal to write things down in? sometimes that helps me when i feel overwhelmed. take a walk when you can.
yes i do have a journal, but at this point its just full of thoughts of how i feel like im going insane, this is so hard i just dont know what to do, i try to stay strong but some days it just seems impossible, i used to be such a happy person but i now relize that was all bullshit nothing but a defense mechanism i made to not deal with real problems. I want to acheive that sense of happiness and confidence in a real way now but it just seems impossible with all of these crazy ass thoughts and feelings i am experiencing
Well, you communicate like a person who is reasonably sane. I can understand what you're saying. I don't think it's insane to have unwanted thoughts and try to fight them. Maybe you're a complex person...but that's not insane.
all you can really do is face each individual issue, meditate on it and i find a solution or just an acceptance for what it really is.... understand that there are many things beyond your control in this life and learn to differentiate between those that are and those that arent.... without prying, are you experiencing difficulty in coming to terms with your sexuality?! im not sure what you meant by "unwanted sexual thoughts" ....why are they unwanted? are the dangerous? or just unacceptable to what you perceive as normal? if you are stuck in constant reflection it is perhaps because you refuse to face/and deal with the inevitable truth of it... thats not always an easy thing to do, but it will relieve some of the burden you feel weighing down on you. your parents may not be who you thought they were but that doesnt change who you are and who you want to be, sometimes seeing parents as actual humans can be difficult but it can also be liberating to realize that they arent perfect and make mistakes too...which doesnt excuse yours but makes them easier to swallow. im kinda talkin in circles here, if you like you can pm me with more specific details...im not sure that i can help, but i can listen.
My best suggestion would be to focus on living in the present as much as possible. Meditation can help you accomplish this. I understand what you mean by being "in a constant state of reflection." When you spend too much time living in your head you open yourself up to anxiety and obsessive thinking. Don't get me wrong, reflection, consideration all these things are good. But at a certain point you have to open yourself up to what is literally right in front of you. What are you doing? Where are you? Whats happening? Really look at the flowers you pass. Really listen to the people you meet throughout the day. Really take in the surroundings and live in that moment. Anxiety mostly is a product of obsessive thinking on any one subject "my life, my family, my career, my well being, my status in peoples eyes, etc." If you are only living what you have in front of you anxiety can't come in. As mentioned walks, are excellent for this but so are all things in life. Just listen and live. Also as I've said before if anxiety does start getting a grip on you nonetheless, just ask for more. Open yourself to it and say to bring it on. As OCD therapists know, the body cannot exist in a prolonged state of anxiety and you will find your anxiety level quickly dropping off. Peace and Love and Group Hugs :grouphug:
how's shit recently? i know this is a couple days old. i'm 19 and feeling similar actually, a lot of shit's changing and i'm getting the sense that it's all hitting me at once. the best thing you could do is try to take it easy, you don't have to deal with everything all at once. i can tell you that smoking is probably not a good idea at this point, maybe it was okay in the past maybe it will be later on but if you're getting those feelings when you smoke, you should defintely take a break because it won't help and will likely make things more difficult. also don't be afraid to go to a therapist or someone, you don't need to take meds if you don't want, but it's good to have a place to unload and get some support/suggestions for structure and ways to make things easier while you take care of working past your issues. there's a quote i've always liked, in a song by panda bear: "take it one day at a time, anything more relaly hurts your mind". it's true, don't think that everything has to happen all at once, jsut take it slow and do what you gotta do and things will get better, guaranteed. hope everything works out for you though, and trust me that doesn't sound insane at all, it's perfectly understandable and happens to more people than you'd probably guess.
Avoid MSG and all its doppelgangers like the plague! Read this: http://www.truthinlabeling.org/hiddensources.html http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excitotoxicity It's in all fast food, spicy chips, salty commercial stuff, ramen noodles (the flavor packet)! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tawN_c332Q And it's in sooooooo many foods, even so-called "health food." It goes by a bunch of different names, too, so you don't always find it listed as MSG in the "ingredients." It can be called: Glutamate Glutamic acid Monosodium glutamate Calcium caseinate Textured protein Monopotassium glutamate Sodium caseinate Yeast nutrient Yeast extract Yeast food Autolyzed yeast Hydrolyzed protein (any protein that is hydrolyzed) Hydrolyzed corn gluten Natrium glutamate Natural flavor Also, how would you feel about going to see a therapist and possibly getting on medication? Seeing a psychiatrist? Sounds like you're clinically depressed. Check out: http://www.vaxa.com/depression-deprex.cfm and not saying you're crazy but you may benefit from being able to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist ... asap.
thats everyone for the feedback, i have been seeing a counselor recently and he is helping me understand that everything i am going through is not me going insane, but more repressed emotion. I still do feel insane alot of the time but im getting better and all of your feedback has been a part of that, please keep it coming and feel free to share similar feelings i am also always down to listen and its good to know your not alone. Much love -Dis
