Hi, I stumble upon this forum while looking for a way to help my son on internet. My son suddenly changed his behave ever since he turned 16 on April. He was in many martial arts tournament since he was 10, state champion for wrestling twice, and had a few professional fight over the summer. But he was very small and shy in elementary school so he got picked on which result in him being very unsocialing and aloof toward pretty much everybody. The problem started when I and my husband told him that he have to find a part time job over the summer and open a saving account in bank. My son was old enough to fight in professional thai kick boxing in Europe and Thailand so my son begged us to let him fight in thai kick boxing and we didnt think it was anything bad because nothing bad happen when he did all of his tournamnet when he was younger. But when he return from first one he came back with a sitches on his head from a elbow which upset me and my husband a lot because no one warned us about it but he was just happy that he won. However he keep begged us to let him do few more fight and over the summer he fought 5 time won 4 out of 5 match and in three different countries and never got a part time job. So when it was close to end of summer I and my husband confronted him about that, his reply was that his fight was his job and that he got paid more than what he would made with summer job. So we deicde that he would have to work part time job for first semester of the school year if he want to continue train. However he never got any job because he alway demand very high payment or such short hours so we finally cancelled his gym memership. After we cancelled the membership, he suddenly become even more aggressive and aloof toward everybody, his grade has take a dive big time, got in a lot more fight (which has never happened before), not talking to us about thing, his weight goes down from 145 to 130 lbs, and he even become a bully toward everybody who used to bully him. We has tried to ground him which doesnt work because he doesnt care at all, we have tried to talk to him but he wont listen, he doesnt like tv and doesnt have anybody to talk on phone so we cannot take either away form him and he doesnt really care much for internet so it is uselss to take it away. He also refuse to do chores or better in school. When we tried to cromprise with him, he would demand us to let him go back to fighting and if we say no then he would not have any of it. Also we were unable to trace down where he is keeping all of his moneys and we are getting quite worried about it because we have no idea how much moneys he have but we are scared that he probably will end up get all of his moneys out and escape or something. Also few days ago he was at the mall and a group of boys from his school saw him so they all jumped him. Once the police got it stop two guy require hospitalized treatment and my son was bruised up badly from brass knuckle one boy used on him. So I talked to him about it and he say what happened is he was talking to one of exchange student girl that he like in german. Which is also the girl that other guy (one who used brass knuckle) liked. So the guy got mad and told him to stay away and to not talk in foreign lanaguage but my son thearten the guy. So the guy start to carry brass knuckle with him because he want to hurt my son and it happened. Now my son have big bruise all over his left side and most of his arms are covered in bruises. I am so scared that if he dont straighten everything out then he could end up get kill or something. I would really appericate any advice. Thank in advance.
It sounds like your son is obsessed with violence. I don't understand educating children in violent activities. Please seek professional help for him. It will probably get worse. He has learned that violence is "OK" and is now living a violent lifestyle. That won't change without a professional. Blessings. I hope you can bring your son back to being a peaceful person.
This is just an idea, but there are some martial arts that concentrate on mental discipline as well as the physical side of things. My husband comes from a "rough" background and he said that one of the best things that happened to him as a youngster was getting judo lessons as the master who taught him wouldn't allow them to learn any moves until he had given them basic lessons in mental discipline.......I'm just wondering that if your son is into martial arts this might be a way to help him.
dOES HE HAVE A RELATIVE HE COULD stay with? Sometimes, moving into a new environment gives kids space to figure out what is going on in their heads. It wouldn't be giving up, just giving him a break from his old habits. H
Have you ever thought that maybe he felt you were forcing him to find a job? And then you took something he loved to do away from him?
We stop letting him train because he won't be realistic about looking for job or let us know what is going on with his account and he never cooperated when it come to that subject, so we didnt let him go back. In end he turn to those who used to bully him around and now he seems to just try start a fight with whoever he think would pose a serious thearten to him. Moom, I think you're right if my son is in martial art he will go back to old himself but I dont want to let him go back because then he wont look for job or be realistic about it. It is a really struggle to try get him to find a job because he have moneys and we cant even figure out where he is keeping it but we believe that one of his instructor help him open a bank account or something similar. He also talk about how he want to go back to europe so much and I think he show interest in this exchange student because she is from europe and that was first time he even told me anything about showing a interest in girl. But we cant afford to send him there every month or so and we are scare if we let him go on his budget, he will find a way to stay and get visa or something and we will never be able to get him back.
Surely you can find out where he has fought and how much the "purse" and grand prize monies are. You know he will go out and fight as soon as he turns 18, and since he doesn't like tv, internet and the phone there should be lots of time to lecture him. I think parents need LOTS of time to lecture children about their ideals and what they know is true because 1. kids think parents know nothing about the things kids care about and you need to prove him wrong on that so he knows you care and learns your perspective and 2. kids will only listen to 1/4 of the things you say so you need to repeat yourself. Good luck Becca
I think having a gym membership is an awsome thing for him to have actualy because it gives him a way to take out his aggression and stay healthy. He probably lost muscle mass from not being able to work out like he was. The gym also gave him a safe place to be..unlike out on the streets messin with thugs.
My parents had a bank account for me but their name was always on it and they monitored my money spending...Like so I could save to buy my first car or the bigger things I wanted.
