Advice Appreciated!

I agree with JP. if you give up the friendship it will prove to him you just want one thing from him. since he's said he's not ready for a relationship right now the more you try to push him in that direction the less likely it's gonna happen. and 'cause he's insecure about relationships in general it might just be that he first needs to build up a foundation in the form of friendship before considering moving on to the next level.

but then again, if your only motive to stay friends with him is the hope that you two will later get it on -- that's not a healthy reason either. if you want him as a friend, then be his friend without any expectations.

 

It's so complicated, and I know what you all mean, and you're all right. I feel very shallow about it most of the time. It's just I fell too hard for him in the first place. If i've learnt one thing from this, it's to control my expectations and emotions in the future, and relax and just by myself without expecting it to advance into anything else.

If I thought something could happen ... I would wait a lifetime for him, he's an amazing guy. But It goes back to my original query about whether or not I should ask him if something could happen. I have alot of personal insecurities I suppose, and a stupid impatience that's akin to that of a child. And it doesn't help that i'm on my summer holidays right now, so all these thoughts have more time in my head and I have nothing to distract myself.

I'd love to be in a relationship with him eventually, but i'd equally be happy being his friend. But being a friend right now is hurting so much If I could be relaxed and things ... it would make it alot easier.

But you guys are right, I don't want to lose him even though it'd be the easy way out. Argh, love is such a messy game. I know I asked before but I'm still incapable of doing it well ... how can I control my emotions and just be relaxed and calm about my life and the opportunities in it? If I fix my oversensitivity, alot of life's problems will resolve themselves easily.

 

Just wanted to thank you guys for all your help and advice. I met up with him today and it was so much easier and better. I think I can control my emotions now, and appreciate him for a really good, fun friend. And if it goes anywhere, great, but for now i'm thankful I knew him

Thankyou *So* much guys. If I didn't take your advice i'd have lost out on a great friend!

 

no problem. best of luck.

 

Keep us updated, Kipp!

JP

 

This is going to be a very long winded update, alot has happened in the interval and my life is just becoming more confusing than ever.

Your advice has worked perfectly, really. I put aside my apprehensions and fears, and me and this other guy (Who, for the purposes of this message, i'll refer to as Mr A) - have been getting on quite well lately. I helped him out on his job application, we talk more casually and friendly with one another. I could see something happening with time, and i'm more than happy to wait.

The complicated part then came about a week or two ago when I started talking to a guy I met online who doesn't live too far away. This other guy (Mr B) has just created a complete side confusion for me that i'm too scared to even contemplate! And then, when I thought nothing else could hinder me, there's a Mr C, who I will explain over the course of this message. It's becoming like a soap opera, really. Let me start;

Mr C was the first guy I really ever fell in love with. He also happens to be one of my best friends at University. We had a very complicated episode where I told him my feelings; and he wasn't sure about his sexuality. On one occassion we had an afternoon free where I tried to pleasure him, but to no avail. We left it there but there are still question marks over his orientation.

I then met the original Mr A and had all that trouble which has resolved itself.

Then Mr B contacted me over the internet; it was a really nice thing he did, it was basically to comfort me over a thread i'd posted on a forum about how nervous I was about being single and the sort. Anyway, Mr B was quite eager to meet me. We saw one another over webcam, and we spoke on the phone, and got on really well. Apparently I was even flirting with him (Although I didn't realise!). Anyway, Mr B was in a relationship two weeks ago, and when we started chatting he told me he was breaking up with this other chap for various reasons. For this reason, and for my general paranoia, I was really reluctant to meet up with him. There are a variety of reasons I won't go into, but family concerns, my own apprehensions etc all played a part.

Anyway, Mr B at first seemed a little bit impatient, but he's since shown himself to be a little more patient with me than before, but like Mr A, he keeps asking me to meet him and i'm just not ready. I want to meet him with my best friend (Female, who you met in previous posts on this thread!) so I can be calm and relaxed, and my friend won't be back from summer holidays for another 3 weeks anyway, but i'm not sure Mr B will wait.

Then my best friend Mr C came back from Summer break, and today I met up with him ... and my original feelings for him were still there. I'm not sure anything will happen, and i've pretty much accepted that it won't - but those feelings are making my friendships with Mr A and Mr B so much more confusing

And tonight Mr B again eagerly stated his interest in meeting up. I like his personality alot, and i'd be willing to give it a try, but I'm really happy with how things are going with Mr A (Thanks to the advice you all gave). Now i'm not sure what I should do ... trying to get over Mr C at the same time as trying to figure out whether my friendships with Mr A and Mr B are just friendships or having anything more? Mr B, for example, seems really interested in potentially starting something up - but alas, he just got out of a relationship and i'm somewhat cautious for this fact.

Sorry for blithering on for so long but ... now i'm so confused :S What do I do !?!?!?! Thankyou in advance!

 

Well, that was clear enough Today he very bluntly, and totally unprovoked, said he didn't want to date a student. He said it three or four times in a row and seemed very specific about it; and given that i'm a student ... yeah. I think he was trying to tell me something.

So now I haven't a clue why he kept asking to spend time with me, other than that he was just being really insensitive.

 

well unless your best friend C shows interest in anything more than friendship it doesn't change much anything. and the B thing already resolved itself so it looks to be quite the same.

by the way -- good to hear things with A are going well.

 

Hey guys, I thought i'd update you on the situation. It's all pretty much concluded i'm afraid The one we originally discussed thinks i'm a nice guy but doesn't think we'd work out. The second guy who seemed interested got back with his ex. The third who I mentioned was 'straight' isn't ever going to happen. I'm feeling rather miserable today. :'(

Thankyou for all your advice and support though. I did hugely appreciate it. I just gotta go back to square one now. I'm starting to question things though. I just feel like i'm always helping people out ... I hope i'm not being arrogant here but I am a really nice person. I go out of my way to help people ... and yet the one thing i'd like more than anything keeps alluding me. So much for Karma or Faith or anything. I feel destined to be alone and depressed about it. I don't mind the former if I could get rid of the latter, and vice versa actually.

Just going through some tough times. Thanks everyone though, hope you're all well.

 

sorry to hear that Kipp. i hope you can figure it all out for yourself.

 

This was rather entertaining. I wanted you to stay with MR A T_T.