Can love survive different sexual needs?

Hi, my first post so be gentle! We've been together 8 years, love each other, love sex with each other but have different sexual tastes - he loves anal I mostly hate my bum & rarely enjoy anything (ie him) getting near it. I love fairly straightforward sex (no prude, just like it that way), he's happy to give many things a go whether golden showers, spanking, ass licking, etc., & I get nothing from them. Not that that would matter if I could make it possible for him to have a good time, but I can't get past the fact that some of them gross me out or I just plain don't like doing them. Any suggestions?

 

Well, have you talked to him about this, as in an upfront manner?

 

No, no suggestions. Obviously, either he does without or he gets it somewhere else. Oh noes!

 

If you don't like doing them, and he needs them to feel pleasure....there is an issue.

Can a relationship last with such different sexual appetites? I am sure it could (yours has), but it is more likely that one, if not both, partner(s) end up feeling resentful at some point. The fact that you have lasted 8 years is a testament to your devotion.

I would suggest that you and your husband speak to a counselor who deals with sexual issues. Hopefully you can come to a more mutually beneficial plan for your sex life. At the very least, it helps to talk to someone that deals with situations similar to yours.

Good luck!

 

yeah.. tough where you are. i'm in the same predicament. i'm in a relationship where i love sex and the other person doesn't. she thinks i'm a freak in the sheets.

 

Did she say that in those exact terms? I've never said anything like that - I've tried to be straight, developed from saying little other than 'ok, sometime or next time or whatever' to saying I'm sorry I don't like spanking, I know you do & let's find a different (mild) way to do it', or 'we have different tastes, doesn't mean we can't figure a way to satisfy both of us most or all of the time...' but so far he's taken that badly to mean I'm more of a prude than he thought. Ok the time involved suggests communication could be upped a bit, think we both know that. It's getting past the truth to something to suit the pair of us I find difficult.

 

They can 0 but they usually need some sort've accommodation. Whether the kinky stuff is given into as a once in awhile thing, or the relationship is opened up a little bit, or the kinkster finds some other outlet for his fantasies (if the kinkster can).

I definitely second the sexual counselor.
Also, Dan Savage is a great advice columnist for this sort've problem.

 

Well my partner and I are both kinky, but I definitely like it rougher and dirtier. We've been together a year and a half, and although he's a bit more prudish and has a slightly lower sex drive, we're ok with our differences and have learned to comprimise. Sometimes we'll do it less often and more conventional, and sometimes he'll do the things I want.

So yes, I believe love can survive different sex drives, wants, and other barriers. If you're both dedicated, I think you'll be able to work something out.

 

I think it needs to come to some sorts of comprimise by both of you too. How about trying to experiment with new things and find things you both like? Doesn't necessarily have to be kinky. Different positions, places or so forth. I agree with Duck that you could try and keep his kinks for a one-off if you wish to do so.

 

Is there any way for you to warm up to the idea of what he likes? You get nothing out of it because you think that what he wants is gross instead of sexual.

Try talking openly with him and see why you do not liek these things. You may be thinking degrading while he is thinking exciting or sensual.

As stated above, if he is wanting more and you continually deprive him, he will resent you and may wind up cheating.