Condom Ettiquette ?

I was planning a 2 day trip to Germany, to see a man, in a couple weeks, who I have been talking to for about a year, every night for several hours, via msn and webcam, and in the day by email, text, etc. I feel we know each other really well, and we have had cybersex on a few occassions that have been amazing.

I was thinking meet for coffee and chat, to see how we get on, for one day only, and if it works out, taking it from there. Anyway, we were making plans, when suddenly he said to me I should buy condoms on the way out there, and he would give me half the money when he sees me. He also said that I should be aware that once I do it once (I am a virgin, and in no hurry to lose it), I will want sex more - and crave it, as its like a drug. We hadn't even been talking about sex it all came out of the blue! I went bright red, and was utterly speechless. He then added its ok if I didn't want it, we could just play video games. I mean, if it happened naturally then that's one thing - but I felt like he had it scheduled in, like booking a meeting at work... 11am - Blah date - sex...and I hate the idea of that! So now I am going to Germany, out from UK, but I'm worried that he only wanted to meet for sex, and wondering if its even wise to meet at all.

Also, we have been planning this for like 3 months now, and he said last night, before the condom thing, that he might not be able to get out of work still. But - he will try. Ok - so I fly out from UK to see him, and he can't even book a day or half a day off work??? I know he is a workaholic, and that (I thought) works for me as I have my own life, don't like the 'joined at the hip' lifestyle, as I am very independent.

Now, apart from the fact that, I was more than surprised to find him thinking that, that was what I wanted to meet up for. Especially as he has never come over like that in a year of nightly chats, and all the other contact, I am shocked at how his comment over giving me half the money for the condoms, is playing on my mind.

I mean, I know that in the end, the item is used by both parties, and I am also fully aware that as many ladies carry condoms as men these days - protection is important...I just don't know why I feel so put out by him saying we will go halves on the purchase. I told 2 female friends this morning, both of who also thought it was a damned cheek, to put it politely.

So anyway, I just want to know - is there a correct Condom purchasing Ettiquette out there? Should both consenting people pay half each for them?

 

It's like buying clothes for your dick. If dick is yours, the condoms are also on your account. Not only the men should buy it, they should also bear the cost. The one who 'wears' it, 'bears' the cost.

 

i will tell u i think this guy is very strange. i mean halving the price of condoms WHAT! after a year of nightly chatting. i take a girl out once, and i pay for the food and movies or whatever... thats one date.

ur flying to uk for this guy at least he could take a week holiday u know.

the whole thing sounds absurd to me.

and anyway after 1 year of nightly calls my morals would tell me not to fuck u straight away. still have heaps of great days together then see how things go and have sex.
and i would expect he would take u to restuarants and pay for u and movies and show u amazing vieews of the land that he knows...

dont lose ur virginity to this guy the first time u see him, cause it sounds sus to me.
thats just my opinion.

 

Yeah, never heard of going "Dutch Treat" on condoms.

Some girls carry them just to make sure they are used, because it is for your health and your body, but the etiquette thing is for the guy to have them.

This guy doesn't sound like a real catch. If he is not courting you he should at least show more interest.

 

Yes, asking for half the money for condoms was - at the very least - a damn cheek. In fact, put a condom on that man, because he sounds like a real dick.

 

Both parties have an interest in a condom being used.
Both parties should buy their own. (Consider, its harder for two people to each mislay their own stash of condoms than for one person to mislay the couples single stash.)

This "cost sharing" plan sounds like two teenagers who don't have enough money (or courage) to buy them on their own.

 

I always thought that when I start being active - I would most certainly carry protection - its my health too afterall.

If, hyperthetically, something happened and I got pregnant by him, I wouldn't first drag him to the nearest drugstore, and ask for half the money on the morning after pill, and if that didn't happen, nor would I expect half the money to have a termination (Please don't flame me for that comment - I have heriditary conditions I would never want any baby to have!). If sex was on the cards, I'd be more than happy to offer my own condoms, but seriously.... I am just so dumbfounded by his thoughts on the whole thing.

 

Hi,

well, that sounds strange. Sharing costs of condoms, esp. at the first dates, is below my personal standards. If you are in a real relationship you might share the expenses as you share expenses for food and other things. To be honest, to me it seems like you are uncomfortable with the hole situation? Be prepared if the journey comes to an inglorious end.

Regards
Gyro

 

It sounds like you ought to strongly consider dumping this loser, he is either a really cheap bastard or married and not wanting to get caught with condoms in his possession, either way this guy seems to be a bit of an on line predator. telling you everything you want to hear then making the rules for the meet up sounds suspicious to me. DON,T BE ANYBODY,S VICTIM any way that is my two cents worth.

 

Hmmm... Well, I'm sorry to sound like I don't approve of your relationship when I don't even know you, Jinny, but really, the other guys are right. I myself don't believe this guy is worth your time and effort, either.

You're flying all the way to Germany SPECIFICALLY to see him, and he isn't even sure he'll be able to get out of work? And the whole condom BS? Well, how about you confront him about these things? I'd do that if I were you. After all, plane tickets aren't cheap, and more importantly, your "first time" is priceless. You don't want to share this with someone who appears to only want to meet you for sex. Hell, I don't want your first time to be with someone who doesn't treat you well, and I hope I'm speaking on behalf of all of us guys when I say that, too.

At the very least that's what I personally think.

 

yep , it kinda seems like ur first time will be with this like "random guy". who sounds like a jerk.

 

Aww! He has a silly way of thinking, but then lots of people do. It isn't worth the worry though. Just go to Germany and have yourself a good time. Regardless of this punk doing the decent thing by you or not. I agree that his condom comment sounds rather fishy.

Firstly condoms can be bought all over the bloody place, aren't expensive and he shouldn've have the cheek to ask you to buy them anyway. It's even insulting that he wants to go Dutch on freaking condoms. What's even worse is him not getting away from work. If you're going all the way out there to see him he should be taking the entire 2 days off work. And if he can't get the time off he should call in sick, that's the decent thing when someone puts in that kind of effort just for you.

Anyway, your trip is booked and you're going all the way to Germany. So have a ball! Don't sleep with him but don't worry about it either. Go out there and do exactly as you intended, meet up and have a coffee. It's a chance to find out if this guy is an ass or if he's genuine, that's all you need to work out. Beyond that, all else I can say is be careful. You know this man well on the telephone, but in person he's still a stranger.

Don't worry. Just have a good time, but don't depend on him for that.

 

Noo, she sounds sensible. She won't sleep with him if he's a jerk, she doesn't even intend to if he isn't!

 

yeah. if i was that guy and i had that sort of respect for u that im assuming he should have after a year of talking, i wouldnt sleep with u till the end of the week or till the next time i saw u.

 

But women like jerks!!!!

 

I'd advise you to take a careful plan of action meeting someone off the internet. It can happen but its a pretty bad sign that he would ask you to pay condoms. Maybe he is genuinely a good guy and very inexperienced so he wouldn't have his own condoms. Or hes just a complete wacko, I'm not sure.

So be careful. I know if I was in his posistion I wouldn't even mention condoms until maybe were about to have sex and busted them out. Seems odd.

 

Well he is German....

I can imagine your conversation may go like this.

(In heavy German accent) Oh ya zis is die plan. Ve met at 7:00. Talk from 7:00 to 8:00 zen from 8:00 to 9:00 ve eat weinerschnitzel. Zen from 9:00 to 10:00 ve drink beir. Zen from 10:00 to 10:30 you may kiss me. Zen from 10:30 to 10:45 you suckzie my weiner. Zen from 10:45 to 11:00 I lickenzie your pussy. Zen from 11:00- 11:05 I fuckenzie your pussy.

Dat sound like gut plan to you fraulien? ya?

btw: I'm of German descent so I get to make fun of them all I want.

 

Jinny, this guy is a real loser - a total zero. Get a refund for your flight tickets and stay home. Don't waste your time and money on this chump.

 

Thank you all so much for your replies. You've been brilliant. AT98BooBoo - you had me in hysterics! lol. If he starts any indication of timed plans like that, I am sooooo outta there! LOL.

Well, I am going to Germany, it's my very first holiday ever, and after all the planning excitement, I don't want to miss out just because of him...but I am going to make my own plans when there. Then it is up to him if he tags along, or not. Thanks Dollyfizz for your post in particular. You are right - I shouldn't depend on him to enjoy myself out there. So here is the plan:

I get there, and have a hotel booked, and spend the first day sightseeing on my own in my own good time. The next day, hop on a train to his town, and go see the Christmas markets there. If he wants to join me, all well and good, and we will stay in the city, walk, talk, and hopefully have a laugh. If not, then in the afternoon, there is a massive city aquarium I'd love to visit - and so will go do that, and then spend the rest of the evening going to an english filmhouse I found, and seeing a movie there, or going back to my hotel and commiserating with my best friend here in UK via text message....we are both stocking up on credit for this purpose.

Then the next morning I am on a plane home anyway. If we do meet, I am not going to sleep with him, and I won't be going back to his, or anywhere else in his car. We will be staying in public areas in town, and my friend insists I give her regular updates throughout the day, and we also have a safe word in terms of a nickname only to be used if there is trouble, so she knows to call a german friend of hers in the same town, to take action. That was her idea not mine. lol. Maybe all this is a little paranoid sounding, but you do hear of occassional tales of crackpots out there, and my friend will be happier knowing I am safe. Also as I am allergic to alcohol anyway, I will be, as I am at any party with friends or otherwise, not letting anyone buy me any drinks, and will not let my drink out of my sight, so nothing can happen there either. My drink at a friends party was spiked once with alcohol, and I had such a bad allergic reaction, that I was in hospital for 3weeks, and ever since then, I've been very anal over any of my drinks in social situations.

I spoke to him last night (well, we speak every night) and I made it clear again of my own intentions. He said his schedule at work is currently clear, and he his boss knows he wants the 21st November off to meet me. So now, I guess we just wait and we see what happens. He hasn't mentioned sex or condoms again, and I do know his last 2 condoms expired 2 years ago. I am still bothered by his comments, but I do think I need to meet this guy and see what happens, or I will always wonder 'what if...'. I really really really hope he isn't just a jerk, and is the nice guy I think he is. *crosses fingers tightly*

 

Hi,

AT98BooBoo should exchange weinerschnitzel with sausage and kraut. It sounds more authentic then .

Massive? Then it's not the Wilhelma (if I may ask)?

I hope you enjoy your journey. Be careful, but don't become paranoid. If you avoid situations you are uncomfortable with, you will be safe.

Regards
Gyro