When talking about poetry last night my friend asked me if I had ever wrote a poem about how I feel about myself and wanting to become a woman when I said I could never think of anything to write. And I said no, and was like hm, she might be onto something I could probably say a lot about that. So out came this. Most of it is serious, but I wrote it on a whim a 2 in the morning in like 30min, so don't mind the random Eazy E line and the testosterone verse at the end, I wanted to have some fun with it.. More so an expression of emotion in poetry form then a serious attempt at an artistic poem, like I obviously stopped caring by the Eazy E line (also yes, I'm aware the rhyme scheme changes constantly, that was the intention) "Musings of a transsexual" This is my offering of confession I must give, For to everyone I know I can no longer lie; If I do not speak this I would have to say goodbye For I don’t think I would have the ability to live I know I appear to you as a boy, That most obviously I will not deny See though that is exactly what makes me sigh And no, with you I am not trying to toy For you see what really makes us is the brain; And boys and girls brains are not quite the same. Nor are their bodies, which usually link up with the brain, Though sometimes brain and body wind up not the same. So my confession that I must make, Is that female is and has always been how I feel My body female I will make, So crippling gender dysphoria I will no longer feel I’d like to explain this more a little bit, If for a few more moments you would sit. I’ll start off with the most common thing the ignorant ask and say, Unless you count being a lesbian, no, am I am not gay My earliest memories are those thinking that I should be a girl, And god did it become worse as puberty began to unfurl When I was 12 I really wanted breasts, All I got was a bunch of hair on my chest. At around the same time I like everyone else learned to masturbate, Yet, soon after in my mind and fantasy a girl I would imitate. Then and now phantom sensations of a vagina there would be. Despite the fact of an obvious penis sticking out in front of me. The actions of sex must be quite instinctual in nature, For the concept of being penetrated is what seems natural to me. Yet my genitals are built for a different kind of venture Can you imagine how frustrating that must be? I can barely stand to see myself in the shower naked It’s like looking at something that should be considered wicked. And just to make life a bit starker. This all probably helped fuel an eating disorder. I had gone through phases, Denial, ignoring it, trying to live alongside it in harmony Many through various ages. But the one thing I must say is fuck the patriarchy Somewhere along the line by society I was taught, That one of the main reasons this should be fought, Is women are weak and in every possible way inferior That I should relish in the fact being male automatically made me superior Well it is true women are physically shorter and weaker. But the question that probably ends with a no is do women anywhere really care? Estrogen will in fact kill much of my literal strength and make me more fair, But I don’t think this in any way makes me meeker. I’ve been told be thankful that every month I don’t have to bleed. I do have the option if I wanted to father a child. But compared to the option to make life that’s pretty mild. I would gladly trade for a bleeding uterus over my frosting seed Remember that day as a young boy your first facial hairs, weren’t you excited? God how desperately how I wanted to fight it. All I could do was cry on the inside and the out as my soft skin went away But for so very long too repressed and afraid I was to have anything to say. Well now I’m here to say that I am and was always a woman Just one with a horrible birth defect That made hormones that caused horrible effects This poem among other things I hope to begin the death of this man. Though some of the hate out there still bewilders me Boobs or balls, testosterone or estrogen, am I still not basically the same person to see? Gender is very important, I more then most people am aware of that. But for not being happy with mine many people would want to treat me like a rat Some men too would like to do nothing more, Then beat me until I’m bleeding on the floor. I somehow offend them deeply in my great hatred of myself. So they must assault someone who’s muscle mass can no longer defend themselves. As the great Eazy E said, “beatin up a bitch don’t make you shit, But then again some niggers think it makes them a man” Something is fucked up when they but no me into society fit. But again fuck the patriarchy and their domination plan. Gender euphoria does not exist as a concept. For 99% of people it’s a feeling that is a normal and constant To not have it is probably for most people an impossible to grasp concept. Except for the few that have dysphoria as a constant. But the moment I chose to in fact be female was a great day. For myself I no longer degrade. What more can I say? My body, the hand grenade. *the testosterone verse* Sweet, I get to have tits I shall play with them for more then a bit. They’ll make masturbating so much more fun. Though they’ll probably make it odd to jump and run. It also comes with comics that fit the mood!
I found it sorta boring at first, but really wanted to give it a chance. Then it picked up around the fourth stanza and got pretty interesting. The phantom vagina stuff was really interesting. When I got to the feminist lines I rolled my eyes and stopped reading. Most MTFs I've talked to feel that they were taught that men are dirty and nasty and women are pure and beautiful and that it could've played a role in wanting to change. I find it rather interesting that you see it so differently.
I'm not a feminist, well I guess I am a bit, it's just fun to hate on the patriarchy. But no, there really is a culture among a lot of men of not really respecting women. Sure they like women, they make friends with women, they hang out with them, but at the same time have kind of subliminal, women are weak, ditzy, and must be humored attitude. Though there are enough women who act that way to feed into a never ending cycle. But no really, fuck the patriarchy. But women aren't perfect, they're psychotic bitches who are vicious on each other. The problem though is, especially for mtf who identify towards lesbian and have no romantic attachment to men, we see men as people who do things like rape and kill us. But on the plus side men make the world fun, women have a terrible sense of humor, like good god. Though back to the poem. I would like some advice on how to make it more grand. Originally it was just more of a joking whim. I realized though, eventually I'm going to have to have the "mom your only son wants to be a daughter" conversation, and I was going to initiate it in letter, but now I'm thinking of just using this poem when the time comes. And I know, Eazy E line and last verse need to go.
I really enjoyed it I trust transsexual opinions on the sexes above all others continue to write your perspective based on who you are and your life experiences is a unique one, not everyone can understand what the transsexual goes through, and to illuminate that is a great calling, continue to spread your thoughts
haha, thank you on both counts. This is another one I wrote, more metaphorical. It's from like 5 years or so ago I wrote from school. It's the same issues, it's me, just trying to avoid saying the fact it was me. I saw a cadaverous girl on the corner today, She cut her wrists to make the pain go away. I looked into her deep, faded eyes, And all I could do was sigh. She was epitome of feminine grace. Her body clothed in silk and lace. Her face pale and delicate like a rose. From her sunken cheeks, to her skinny nose. I wish I had helped her, or changed the past. I knew her all my life, but our friendship did not last. If only I had not had to see her every day. Maybe if I was able to keep my feelings of hate at bay. If only I had thought about everything about her that was great. Maybe I would've done something to change her fate. Death now creeps up on her though. It seems the blood can't keep up it's flow. It's a shame I now love her madly though. I want one more look at her face. So I hold up my mirror and look at my face. And think to myself, this is what it's like when love and death embrace. Finally the world goes dark, as the blood flows down my silk and lace.
There's also a culture among women of hating men. And it's spreading to men. I call it modern feminism =P I read the rest of your post, I just don't have much comment on it, so back to this: As far as writing goes - you just have to practice a lot. Editing is always something I have trouble with when it comes to poetry, so I don't know how much advice I can give you there. Read some poetry, write some poetry, get yourself more into the poetic mindset. I can go through your poem and critique it more thoroughly, if you'd like.. I must warn you though, I can be pretty harsh. Edit: I just read your other poem, and poetically it is much nicer. Flows better, sounds better. One of the best tips I've ever gotten for writing poetry is "write it out loud". Narrate it in your inner dialogue, listen to how it sounds. My suggestion would be to do a complete rewrite and compare the two.. But again, I can be pretty bad at editing poetry =P
Oh do it, the other poems I've posted people only comment if they like them, and it's like fuck now say something harsh. Keep in mind through I wrote this at 2am in like 20min as more of an emotional thing to myself vs artistic attempt, if I actually tried I could probably do about 9% better. Quirks like "fuck the patriarchy" ect just ignore.
damn, I really like your writing normally I scoff at such basic rhyme schemes, probably out of my own close mindedness, but with it, you manage to convey a message from the heart with clarity and grace please post more of your writing if you feel up to it, I really like it and I am sure in the fact that I am not the only one
oh and as for critiquing these, yeah anybody could point out what they don't like about them, but to me, poetry is a heart activity, not of the mind, and what you have done here shows that I think you are hitting things dead center, and you have a style that has the capacity to relate your accuracy in an effective way, for critique, I have nothing to say
I think simple rhyme schemes are actually usually better. The only real problem with them is that they can get a little juvenile feeling with the wrong wording..
yes, and after reading many of them and writing with them, their simplicity comes off as stupidity - but like I said, that is normally due to close-mindedness and boredom
I thought it was a great reflection if your inner self, and it's good you had the drive to do it and was willing to share. It doesn't have to be written like Shakespeare for it to be powerful and get a message across. Thanks for this!
