Gay Sex: Good or Bad?

Here's a little something I wrote about my first sexual encounter. Was your first experience with GLBT sex a good one? Or is it something you'd like to forget? And how did you find somebody to hook up with? Anyway, here's my story -- what's yours?

# 1 (Tom)

Chicago. Summer of 1980.
I was just an 18 year old kid
from the poor side of town.
I knew I was different, but
didn't know where to go to
find other people like myself.
The only queers I knew anything
about were the rich and famous
ones on television: Baby-voiced
Truman Capote. And maybe rugged
Rock Hudson (didn't he like to knit?).

So I got sick of being so lonely,
and when I heard about a gay
movie ("Cruising"?)
being shown at a theatre
downtown, I put on my finest jeans
and button-down shirt, and took
a bus all the way to State St.
I remember I was afraid of so many
queers in one place. It was a bit
overwhelming. And so many were
conspicuous and proud! While I'd
always felt ashamed of what I
was. And tried to hide in some
dark closet.

I don't recall much of the flick. That's
how nervous I was. And when
somebody suddenly put his large hand
on my innocent knee in the dark, I
jumped up to flee to the Men's room,
and was splashing cold water on my
face when Tom suddenly smiled at
me in the bright mirror: Thirty-something.
Long brown hair. Straight white teeth.
Dorky glasses. But with a jock's hard body.
He actually asked me if I needed a hero?

I followed him out of the theatre, and into
his car. He lived alone in an expensive
condo. After three glasses of white wine,
and a rough kiss on his couch, he suggested
I join him upstairs. In his huge bed beneath
a window of stars. I asked him if we
should at least close the curtains?
But why? He said. Then he kissed me
again, in front of the naked window. And
put my hand on his hard cock, as he
started to unbutton my impossible shirt.
And the straight world outside couldn't
stop me anymore.

--QP

 

Oh, just realized I didn't answer my own question (it's been a long day)! My first experience with gay sex was totally awesome: Tom and I ended up seeing each other for a couple of months. Then we became friends.

--QP

 

My first I was drunk and taken home by an older guy. Next day I was hungover and guilt ridden.

My next time I let an older guy take me home just to go thru with it and have sex with a man rather than just think about it. It was uneventful - didn't really care for the old fag in the first place.

After that I was open to doing guys and had a lot of fun in New Orleans in the '70s. A lot of bottoms took me home and enjoyed my pounding their ass and it felt good to me.

 

Alcohol has a way of breaking down inhibitions: Without the help of a little white wine, I think I would have been too nervous to go through with it. Also, Tom (not his real name) was much older than myself. I wonder if that's true for the majority?

--QP

 

My second dude was also a disappointment in the bedroom. In fact, it was a long while before I found somebody as exciting as Tom. That all changed when I discovered gay bars in 1984: Chicago has lots of gay bars.

--QP

 

I have no regrets about my first time having 'gay' sex. Except that, as a lot of virgins do, I allowed myself to become disgustingly attached to my v-card taker.

 

Same here. Part of the reason (in my case) was due to my total lack of experience. I'd never known a gay dude before -- well alone had sex with one. Plus I couldn't believe my good luck: Tom was college educated, charming, cultured, and sexy as hell. While I was a high school drop out, painfully shy, and had a stubborn case of acne. I was amazed he was attracted to me at all. But his big turn on was much younger dudes. So as long as I was eighteen (and didn't look like the Elephant Man) -- I was exactly his type.

But I also have no regrets. He was my introduction to all things gay. He taught me plenty about gay sex, culture (he had lots of books about homosexuality), and introduced me to other gay men. I remember how puzzled I was about words like: Trick, queen, top, bottom, etc. He and his friends often used such words in conversation, and it took me a while to figure out what they were talking about. So I was getting a crash course in contemporary gay life (very early 1980s). And this opened several doors for me. I no longer felt like the only gay dude in Chicago. I learned how and where to find other dudes like myself. And I'll always be grateful to Tom for that.

--QP

 

I have discovered a certain beauty in teen acne - it belongs there as an indicator of all those other youthful beauties that we old pervs enjoy.

So, teen boys who are self concious about their facial blemishes should know that it may actually be a turn on to older ppl (male or female) who see it only as a marker of your youth.

I was lucky to have come out in New Orleans where the Quarter was bustling with gay culture. Also I was lucky to come out at at time of sexual permissiveness in a major metro area.

By '73 I hooked up with Jim in a partnership, where he being 5 years older had much more experience to impart to me.

 

Damn, I wish I'd known this at eighteen. I felt like a total freak. Plus people would make helpful suggestions (like taking vitamin A), but the acne did not clear up until I was 21. Live and learn.

--QP

 

I was not so lucky. I lived in a working class area of Chicago, and gay folks were openly ridiculed (even by certain members of my own family) on a routine basis. Plus there was a lot of gang activity, so it was not uncommon to hear gun shots late at night. Also, I got called a faggot more times than I can count -- all of this made me feel unsafe in my own neighborhood. Tom lived in a more middle-class part of the city, and several of his neighbors were gay. I'd never been around so many friendly people in my life. It was like a taste of heaven. :cheers2:

--QP

 

To answer your question: It was awesomely good!!!

I grew up in a very liberal environment. Sex was a very private thing, no one discussed it, and what you did (or were about to do) was purely your own affair.

I discovered a nude beach I was frequenting pretty regularly that summer (and many summers to follow), and was approached by another guy, who might have been a year or two older than I. We shot the breeze, went swimming together, and agreed to meet up in the evening.

One thing led to another, and we ended up in my bed, behind carefully locked doors. He asked me to top him, and I enjoyed it so much, that I never stopped.

Some ten days later, his vacation was over, and he was gone. My folks had a summer home, and my vacations would last for 3 months. A day after he parted, I chatted up another dude, cute as hell, with blond, curly hair. He was a town kid, had his own friends but agreed to meet late in the night for some 'fun' as he put it.

When I said, I was going to fuck him, he looked scared but bent over. I took that for a "yes". We never made friends or anything. But I had quite some "fun" with him almost every night, and he must have liked it, too, since he kept coming from more.

I would hook up with a few guys for a quick fuck at any time of the day or night; in town, at the movies, on the beach, whereever... It was just sex, and it felt good.

So, I was having all that fun without ever wondering about the consequences of 'being gay', fearing my 'coming out'. Or anything.

You behaved. You took care of your duties. And everyone else left you to run the affairs of your dick on your own.

KD

 

Damn, your first experience does sound like it was awesomely good, KD. I've never been to a nude beach. I think it's really cool that you grew up in such a liberal environment. I envy you for that. My family members pretty much wanted me to grow up and marry a good woman. So it took a long while for them to accept me as I am. Thanks for the awesome comment.

--QP

 

I was just wondering, KD: Did the fact that your family and peers did not judge you for enjoying gay sex as often as you liked, have a lot to do with your lack of guilt or fear or shame? Am I understanding this right? Because some gay/bi men feel guilty after their first time with another man. In fact, some even try to conceal it from their family and friends. So I'm curious how you came to accept your sexuality at such a young age? Was it because of your liberal background?

--QP

 

Later

 

Actually, more than that. My family and to lesser extent my peers strictly believed that sex (no matter what kind of it) was an exclusively PRIVATE matter. This was nobody's business but your own! We talked arts, history, economics and even politics. How and whom you messed around with in your (or their) bedroom was no one's business, no one's topic...

Make no mistake, when it came to industry, money, career, success, etc., they would put all the living conservatives to shame. I had to man up ASAP to the challenges of real life. No joke there!

However, since I was acing it all, I was being left alone to enjoy my life as I found fit. All of my 'friends' were always warmly welcomed and treated with utmost respect. I was never asked to explain anything at all.

I have actually embraced their values completely, though no one has ever asked me to do so.

Sure, times have changed, and my friends and I talk sex, unlike my parents and their respective friends in their time and day.

But we 'talk sex'. We do not judge anyone whatsoever. Amazingly, even those of my gay friends who had very hard times coming out to their families and friends have embraced my approach.

When you really come to think about it, who can possibly have any legitimate claim to even ask, let alone tell you what to do and what NOT to do at your PRIVATE place and at your very own PRIVATE time? The same entities who claimed that the royals ruled (or still do) by the "grace of God"? The very same entities that tell you that you will be greeted by 40 virgins in paradise, if you die fighting for the "just cause" as they see it? And the list of those who have been praying on the stupidity and poor education of masses rolls on for quite a while, doesn't it?

KD

 

yeah, i pretty much had the same thing. my mom sometimes used to drop a hint or two that she didn't like this guy or another that I used to hang out with, but that was as far as it went. Ultimately what I did and who I was friends with was my own decision. that's the grand theme of my childhood -- i was left to my own devices to figure out what was good and bad for me, what I wanted in life, etc. My mom would express her dissatisfaction if she didn't like something but she never told me to do otherwise. it was up to me. as a kid i took this type of upbringing for granted. it was much later that i realized that not every kid gets the kind of liberties that i did, and that has made me appreciate my childhood very much.

i never had guilt/shame about having sex with a guy nor about being gay. I knew that was what i wanted, so it was the most natural thing in the world to go and get it.

 

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Seems to work pretty well here...

Sure, we all commented about whom and what we liked and conversely so, no one was hiding his or her outright dislikes either. I learnt to respect those views, think about them, and draw my own conclusions, too. Learning how to stand my own ground was however, essential.

I was acutely aware that most other people were neither held to the standards that we held dear, and equally so, that most of them were not granted the freedom and comfort that we took for granted, when it came to us. Most of my friends thought that my folks used to be elitist to the extreme. (And they were on the dot with that one).

Much later on in life, an aunt would approach me, trying to express some of the family views as she saw them. By that time however, I was running my own show, and their attempts (if indeed, there were any) amounted to nothing more than an anecdote.

Admittedly, on the downside, for all the show we have been putting on for years, my folks really resembled an international franchise corporation far more than a human family. Their world revolved around exclusively materialistic values and with those they rose and with those they fell, too.

I, on the other hand, was eminently equipped to branch out, call my own shots, share in (or not) in their common destiny.

By the end of the mid 80's, I was pretty much on my own, and my relationship with all of them cooled off very considerably. Despite all their collective wisdom, they made a few terribly wrong moves.

Much to their own credit, they bore their "misfortune" as they saw it, with a surprising dignity. I did all I thought I wanted to do, quietly, and without any comment.

Once their time came, they went, and I was left with the feeling that a bunch of old, dear friends whom I had not been in touch with lately, left.

KD

 

Interesting comments. I appreciate all the honesty and sharing. Oddly enough, my family was totally liberal when it came to politics. However, many were not too keen about having a homosexual in the family. And I was a conspicuous homosexual. No matter how hard I tried to act "normal", I always failed in their eyes. I couldn't play sports. I read and wrote poetry. I was often told my voice sounded like a girl's. I had no male friends (during my youth). I finally just said screw it, and stopped trying to gain my family's approval. My life was a much more happier one after that. Especially after I stumbled into my first gay bar.

--QP

 

Im straght myself but my cousin is a gay man, he lives permanently in London now as Arab countrys are not tolerant of that yet, but he told me when he forst began to date men, even though he is gay, he looked down on them lol, he said it was growing up with people who didnt like gays brainwashed him, I found this interesting!

 

Yeah, I can understand that. A lot of it has to do with social conditioning and such. I mean, if a person is forever being told something is bad, evil, disgusting, etc. -- then it's possible to look down on people you are sexually attracted to. It is a kind of brainwashing. That's why an open mind is a terrible thing to waste. You bring up a very good point.

--QP