Girlfriend unwilling to have sex...

What makes you assume the problem was with her? Maybe the problem was with you. If someone doesn't respond to you in the way you wish, then you should look to yourself.

 

Well, yeah. I mean, people should always monitor themselves to see where they're going wrong and such. But there's nothing in this thread that I felt would indicate that he was doing anything wrong. He sounds very patient.

Of course, there are two or three sides to every issue...But one of those sides is usually the most wrong of them. I see no reason to believe his would have been that one.

Anyway, the best way to find out is for him to get out and get some experience and see what's working and what isn't working for him.

 

Ok Spunkey! I am a woman of a certain age. Ahemm!! But I might be able to help you here, from experience. It may be that she was brought up to think sex was dirty and that men were only "after one thing", or even that sex was never spoken of. Anyway, this may have lead her to believe that when you try it on, or call her sexy whenever you are together that you are not appreciating her mind and are only "using her for her body". It could also be that she has a low sex drive and is not really getting anything out of the sex you have. (you say she is inexperienced). My advice to you would be to not try to have sex for a while, just cuddle her and tell her you love her! At first she may be suspicious and assume you are leading up to sex, so reassure her that you are not. (There is nothing worse IMO than to have cuddles ALWAYS leading to sex) Women need to feel loved for themselves and not just their bodies. If you live together then for goodness sake make sure you do a fair share of the chores because if she is for any reason feeling used, put upon or taken for granted, then I can assure you that sex will be the last thing she wants to do with you. Women in general feel very differently about these things than men and feeling under pressure to have sex will only have the opposite effect. Lastly, I can assure you that if you stop asking for sex, she will eventually come to you as she will start to worry you have gone off her! Be strong and don't pressure her. I really do know what I'm talking about here. Good Luck, let me know how you get on. You sound like a nice guy!

 

don't tell her she's sexy, tell her she's beautiful.


sex is not the only part of a relationship. maybe she is uncomfortable with sex.. don't force her into it. there are a number of things that could cause women to be uncomfortable or now want to have sex, one of them being childhood trauma, or sexual abuse.

not having sex should not put you into a depression. relationships aren't only about sex.. if you're depressed because you're not having sex maybe you should re-think things. are you sure you're in love, or are you just stuck in either an obsession, or are you confusing your lust with love?

you shouldn't be planning to have sex either, lol. sex is something that happens in a moment, not something you planned to do last tuesday over dinner.

either wait it out or break up with her, since it seems theres nothing you can do, unless you try talking to her, i don't know if you have or not since you didn't mention it. talk it out before making her feel uncomfortable about it.. maybe there's something 'depressing' going on with you that you don't know about?

good luck.

 

popsicle, we sadly split 2 weeks ago. I didn't want to, it was the hardest thing i've ever done in my life. We just constantly argued about anything and everything. I had to be cruel to be kind, and let her live a life without arguing. We are both 17 years of age, and are too young to argue, we needed to live our lives. We had many happy memories, but many unhappy memories also. I had to let her go. She seems to be getting on with other guys already, it's breaking my heart, as she tells me that she walks her dog with this lad at night 'cos he doesn't let her go out in the dark alone. I'm happy for her in the respect that she has moved on from a year and a half relationship in 2 weeks, but i'm still trying to recover. I'll never tell her this although, as i'd rather her do as she wishes. I tried to do everything that she wanted, but it was never enough...

 

If I didn't plan it, it wouldn't happen. It was extremely frustrating, but that doesn't matter now. If I tried to talk to her about it, she would say that's all I wanted, which it wasn't, as I loved her and still do now, if that's all that I wanted, then I would've got someone that would have sex more often, but I didn't, I stayed with her 'cos I loved her. I did break up with her, as explained in the previous post ^^^^

 

This is the type of thing you would mention to a boy that you still care about. The bit about the lad not letting her go out in the dark alone, may be a way of her telling you that she didn't feel that you really cared about her safety / feelings (ie just about sex) I'm sure you did love her and your hormones are raging at your age obviously! If you want her back, then I would tell her and if you DO get back together, show her this thread and discuss it with her. If not, then if you find things taking a similar path with your next girlfriend, you at least have some things to consider. Good luck whatever you decide

 

It's that type of passive/aggressive shit that means he should stay as far away from her as possible.

He already stated that he tried to talk to her about this and she didnt want to. Now, she is going to play a game of, 'look how much more he cares about me then you did"?

As I said earlier... Run...

 

I Guess you are a GUY Probably single!............... If not soon.

 

Am I a guy, yes, I am, that is easy to tell seems its all over my profile...

Am I single? No, and not likely to be anytime soon, because the women that are in my life are here because they value honesty and openness over head games and bullshit.

 

I've told her countless times not to go out in the dark. I would never let her walk home alone in the dark. She knew that I cared about her safety, but I don't know what she is playing at now, but whatever it is, it don't feel good. I do still love her, but getting back with her is out of the question I think, we both need to live our lives without tredding on egg shells all the time. Thanks

 

How old are you two? I find the age always very important when it comes to sexual problems... most often sexual problems have to do somethin with the past (what else), with bad experiences, screwed up opinions and so on... maybe looking at her parents, her friends can help you determine what went wrong...

if she really thinks you are just after her body.... well, she is obviously wrong ( i mean hey, 3 times in 9 months... i have sex 3 times a day ). massages go a long way in making women comfortable with body contact... just start with normal backrubs, then go on to use lotion, start doing her whole bachside, after some time, when she is comfortable, her front.... she doesnt have to like sex to like a good massage. ultimate goal: a lumi massage (and yes, it IS a massage).

my girlfriend was not unlike yours in our first year....loads of massages, loads of time and much gentleness from your side will sooner or later do the trick.

sex IS normal in a realtionship. you dont have to feel bad for wanting it... but especially with unexperienced girls that are more shy, a little bit o self control and patience are crucial.

 

We are both 17 years of age. She is really close to this guy now. Going on midnight walks, walking her dog, always leaving comments on fb etc... I think she may have liked him when we were going out. Well it's up to her I suppose, i'm broken hearted yes, but i'll never stop her being happy.

 

Communication, communication....

Having said that...you probably answered your own question here.....<<I don't know what it is, but I want to always do sexual things with her, she is sooooo sexy, everytime we meet I say that she is sexy, although she denies it, and never ever compliments me on any of my aspects, but that's a different story! I understand that she may not want to do things as often as I want to>>
#1.Remember its her body...YOU are a guest only if she invites you....
#2.Try doing things with her and DO NOT mention or try to lead up to sex...just enjoy her comapny.....

 

Yeaaa.. Not too sure on that.. Could be many reasons.. If you could read her mind you would know. I was in a relationship once with a hot ass girl for 11 months.. And we never had sex once.. but that was because she was fucking a 40 year old... I was 18 and she was 16 ha. I didn't know about it.. And when I found out. I wanted to kill myself. But I broke up with her. Ha. Today is her birthday actually..

 

I lived with my ex for 7 years and had "sex" twice and she didn't even want to make out with me. I was unhappy, and a long time afterwards felt completely repulsive and unlovable.

It's something to take absolutely seriously; it can really fuck you up in a bad way that you do not want.

 

Wow dude, that's deep. Hope your doing alright now. I'm completely over her now, still see her at school every now and then, she is seeing my mate that left school a while ago, but i'm cool with that. We don't need partners like that bro, keep your chin up

 

Ok...about the girlfriend not wanting to have sex...you should definitely try and talk to her, however, knowing from experience...some women do have difficulty getting turned on. I've never gone too long without sex but I'd get into depressive states and I wouldn't want sex for a month or so at a time. However, I noticed that once something drastic (in a good way) changed in my relationship, I always wanted sex and would never deny him.

Maybe try doing something nice for her...take her out somewhere or buy her flowers (so cliche, I know, but women love em!) Maybe even plan a romantic night and have candles lit and dinner made for when she gets home

 

What about romance? Girls love romance.
Sounds like she has some issues to deal with.
Maybe its got something to do with her upbringing?

 

tough love here: She ain't in to you. You are only 17. Don't mess your life up by getting someone PG and establishing a failure pattern in you life. Just cus she is hot does not mean anything. Find some one compatible that thinks you are great. BE YOURSELF.

(I know, old post 6/09, but I have been there brother)