This is very hard for me. Im a male. I grew up liking girls, i had crushes on girls, masturbated to playboy, looked up boobs and was aroused extremely easily. I have always and still do, at 20, get erections randomly throughout the day. I'v only had one real girlfriend and and she is the only girl iv ever had sex with. We had good sex and I was always extremely turned on to her. I have had various one night hook ups with oral sex and what not without a problem, and only with women. I never thought about anything else. I tried to have sex with a woman much older than me, but still extremely attractive, and couldn't get an erection on two different occasions with her. This is still very annoying and unsettling. I have recently found out from watching porn i become erect the same and sometimes even quicker from a penis. I watched a gay porn and was aroused even more so than a lesbian porn. I still prefer hetero porn tho. It has been over 6 months since iv tried anything with a girl, though i have had multiple opportunities. I have a very androgynous look to me and am very slender in frame, and though i have been told i am very attractive i feel less and less like a man since understanding my sexuality more. I am very upset by the fact that i like penis. See Iv never liked a man or boy and never thought anything sexual about a man or boy i was around. I see atractive men and acknowledge their attractiveness but never think sexually about them. Only when i watch porn and see a penis am i aroused. since finding all this out i have become more and more less confident with girls and am holding back. I get scared i wont be able to "get it up" and they'll think I'm gay, even though women still turn me on just as much and i only "like" girls. I have plenty of friends but i can't confide in any of them even my female friends. It has really affected my social life and especially my sex life. Any insight would be helpful. My dad died when i was 9 and he was the only person i could have told, as the rest of my family is ultra conservative. when i told my mom i was an atheist she freaked out. She despises gays and i fear she would label me that and not understand. I only want to be normal. Its not that i don't like gays, in fact my best friends twin is gay and he's one of the best and coolest people i know. I dont "like" guys. I don't understand this. I have no emotional connection with men. How can i be sexually attracted to them? I always think jokingly to myself if i had been born a woman i would probably be really hot and probably be a huge slut, but it would be better than this. I have no desire to have sex with any gay men, even though i have been approached before. I just want to be fully straight, even though it looks like this will never happen. any thoughts insight, help or similar cases would be amazing. I would have no problem never indulging the homosexual side of me other than in porn. I just want to be able to accept myself and move on... with women...
I'm not bi or gay but have friends who are and saw this and felt the desire to respond to it. Personally I think a lot depends on your mind frame, what you are currently/have been going through and your psychological history. I'm no psychologist so take whatever I have to say and make whatever you want your own... Considering that you are 20, understand that the chemicals inside the brain don't really begin to fully balance out for another handful of years. I'm sure your hormones are going in several different directions- naturally. As you said it- you are discovering more of your sexuality. I'm 28 and I'm finally beginning to calm down from many of my self discoveries regarding sexuality. I don't think there is anything wrong with liking the look of a penis. You have one, you should like it. And regarding the porn- we've just about all watched it and we all have our likes and dislikes...however it is definitely a sign of a gay curiousity. But hell- some things are far better in porno's than in real life- I've discovered. My response to the women and not being aroused- not everyone works sexually. It's been said that people will get together and mate with one's of the opposite sex who have strong genetics to fight off diseases. I forget the actual terminology that's been used but I hope that says the point. Lastly, a lot depends on those 2 occasions that you didn't get an erection. Various drugs while stimulating others can hinder others performance. I don't know if you were high or anything during those occasions but that can be a factor if you were. Ultimately it still comes down to choice. Considering that you are acknowledging your feelings is great. Everyone else comes second to your own mind. You don't sound like you want to be bi or gay from your emotion that you put into this so that is saying something as well. Women can be scandalous and brutal to men's emotions (not saying we can't vice versa) but I have seen through many that when men are abused emotionally by women they question there sexuality. Both men and women question there sexuality if they've ever had sexual abuse from there parents...which can lead to other unwanted emotions and events. When I read about your Mom warning flags went off- sounded a lot like my own. She sounds like a tough person to deal with, controlling, and because of her and other women I at one time began questioning my own sexuality. Hang in there though and don't allow what she says to determine your future in relationships, career, or whatever aspect. You are your own individual unit and are free to choose whatever religious beliefs, girls you want to date, guys you want to hang around with, job choices, where you want to live, etc. Your at that age when it's beginning to get crucial to not tell your mom or family everything about you. Establish some boundaries and if they don't like it tough. You are what's most important now with a full life ahead of you. If you feel the need, seek help professionally. There's no harm in it. I hope you find this well.
thank u very much, it felt good to see someone even cared enough to respond. I would like to tell my mom though maybe at some point. like i said my dad's dead and i can't stand his side of the family, and i barely know the rest of my mom's side. after he died it was very difficult growing up with my mom and we fought so much. iv realized since high school though that she's still the only family iv got and i love her no matter how she acts and i just want to be able to have someone to rely on. I know keeping my emotions in is far worse than expressing them. I don't know if this changes your thoughts on that. But thank you i had never thought of medicine affecting me. I was on adderall and wellbutrin at the time, that may have caused it. that is very relieving. you sound very intelligent and caring. The world could do with more people like you.
It would be wrong of me to pass judgment on you for wanting to tell your mom your situation at some point. As I said ultimately you've got to take care of your own needs and desires. My best suggestion is to do it when you feel comfortable and confident to deal with whatever reaction your mom may give. I personally learned a long time that I couldn't confide much in my mom and family and began to learn to go to others like family. I have been on Wellbutrin myself. Didn't like it, but it is extremely well known that certain prescribed medications effect your libido (your sexual desire)...let alone other drugs. They do effect the chemical balance in your brain. The purpose is to balance it out and sometimes it doesn't always work. I could say a lot on this field as I was raised with it. I'm glad you feel better knowing that though. Some people tell there psychiatrists not to put them on those types of medications that have that side effect. That should have been explained to you and if it wasn't- that says something about the psychiatrist. If they don't, you almost always have to ask cause it is your body and emotions afterall. I'm sure you'll find your way. I appreciate the return sentiments on my response to you and feel free to ask me anything if you have any questions or need someone to talk to.
To me, it seems like you don't want to be attracted to men and so you make yourself believe that. You can't say you're not attracted to men after getting massive boners from many gay porn faster than lesbian porn. I understand your situations, mind is kind of the same. Try hanging out with a gay guy you like, hang out with a girl you like, it doesn't have to be about sex. If you are comfortable with either one, it will happen.
