The 1st day of Christmas. My True Love Bob, Thank you my darling for such a wonderful and unique gift you gave to me! A beautiful partride and a lovely pear tree as well. I look forward to spring when the symbol of our love blossoms. With all of my heart, Your devoted love, Patricia -------------------------- The 2nd day of Christmas. To My True Love Bob, What a surprise when I found another gift from you! Two turtle doves. They are truly precious. Thank you darling, Your beloved, Patricia --------------------------- The 3rd day of Christmas. Bob Darling, Now you have truly gone too far. Three french hens? Im not sure where I will keep them, but they are very nice. I really have to ask that you not send any more gifts though. I simply am running out of room. Yours Sincerely, Your love, Patricia ------------------------ The 4th day of Christmas. Bob, Ok, whats with all the birds? The four calling birds escaped and are flying all over the house and crapping on my furnature. Please no more! Sincerely, Patricia -------------------------- The 5th day of Christmas. Bob, Well at least you didn't send any more birds. I tried to hock the 5 "golden" rings to pay to have my furniture cleaned. To my surprise, they weren't gold at all. Just some cheap plating. Thanks a bunch. To be honest, the damn birds have spread their shit all over my house. Please, no more "gifts". Cordially, Patricia ------------------------ The 6th day of Christmas. Jerk, Again with the damn birds? Are you some kind of sadist? The six geese are running everywhere. Ive got broken goose eggs and bird shit in my carpet, and the smell is killing me. Stop now! Patricia. ---------------------- The 7th day of Christmas. Listen, ass-wipe, stop sending me your foul gifts. The seven swans have taken up residency in my bathtub. Swimming? No, just like the other 16 birds theyre crapping everywhere. The board of health is threatening to evict me. Knock it off or suffer my wrath, Patricia. ---------------------- The 8th day of Christmas. Jerk-face, what am I running a damn farm? The 8 maids freaked out about all the damn birds and let the cows free. They stampeded through the house killing all of the 23 birds. What a mess! Im hiding in the basement writting this to you. Please be aware that I have ordered a shot gun and plan on using it the next time I see you. Rot in hell, Patricia. ------------------- The 9th day of Hell Week. Shithead, 9 "Ladies dancing"? Those aren't ladies, theyre strippers you jerk. What kind of pervert are you? And what did you feed those cows?? OMG! My house smells like a barnyard. I want you dead, Patricia. ------------------ The 10th day of Hell Your dead meat! Those 10 'Lord' you sent? They were from a street gang! The poor maids are cowering in the kitchen. And the Lords are having sex with those strumpets in every room of my house. The neighbors have reported multiple disturbances to the police and they currently have my house surrounded. Die, die, die!! Patricia ------------------- From the law offices of Killum, Burnum, and Choke. Legal represenatives for Ms. Patricia Dear Mr. Bob, Please be advised that our client, Ms. Patricia, is currently undergoing therapy at the Women's Psychiatric Hospital of Greater Scranton. Based on the events, as we can best determine, we are seeking an order of protection against you, to insure our client's well being. Upon completion of her therapy and release from the hospital, we will be pursuing litigation against you on her behalf. Respectfully, Johnathan Burnum, Peace
