Christianity, really?

I said something similar to this in my hell thread, but it was kind of out of context, and I think this concept should have it's own thread. (sorry about my spelling, Im on my iPod and don't have spell check)

I have been a Christian since forever, but I recently looked at it from an outside point of view, and wondered how I could have completly acepted it as fact. I assum it is because it was hammered into my brain since birth, but still.

THE OLD TESTEMENT
YOU ARE GOD. You create an amazing planet, which is located in a massive solar system. You then create man. You create a garden for him to live in, he lives in total harmony with all of nature. You get kind of board. So you put in a tree which, if eaten from, will mess everything up for eternity. You tell him not to eat from it, then you provide a serpent to convince him to eat from it. He does, so you kick him out of the garden which then magicaly vanishes.
Man goes on to create nations. At this point, you've picked your special little nation, and now you spend most of your time fucking with all the other nations, who have no chance of making it into heaven. Then you decide to earn your love, you special little nation must burn goats and cows. having created the beutiful earth, and the billions of stars, nothing makes you happier than the sweet aroma of burning goat.

THE NEW TESTEMENT
Burning goat flesh doesn't give you the rush it used to, so you decide you need a diferent way for man to earn your love. You couldn't just forgive man of his sins, no... That would be to simple. You decide the only rational solution is to impregnate a Jewish girl with your son. Tell her husband it was God that knocked her up, and leave the rest of the world to speculate. Your son (who is you, but not really) preaches for a while, then gets killed. He of course, rises again, and flys up to heaven (which we all know is in the sky somewhere that can be flown to) and you leave the followers of your cult to tell everyone about it.

2000 YEARS LATER
The people who don't quite believe the above statement, and try to follow what they believe is the truth get sent to hell to be tourchured for all eternity. On the other hand, those people that believe we killed god get sent to eternal
paridice. (people are, of course, expected to believe the above without any real proof. If they don't accept it as fact, they must BURN.)

A question For all you Christians out there.
When you heard this, what made you think "that makes sense"?

 

Have some pumpkin pie and have a think about that one.

 

Fo' pack

 

Little conundrums sure get big when you leave them be for 2000 years.

 

I would say necrotic bullying of the fire and brimstone approach, or a more salient theory, credulous parents.

 

Christianity has a core of truth in it, but is floating in a sea of perversions. Do not pay attention to the stories, they are just stories.

What is important is Jesus' message of love. What is important is the search for a greater truth, and that love is the means of finding this greater truth.

There is a supreme collective conscious known as god, we are meant to explore it.

 

Christanity is not about finding a greater truth, it is a group of people who have found the greater truth and market it with an easy to follow 2 step program that puts you into eternal paridice.

Christianity only promotes soul searching and trying to find the ultimate truth if it results in you following Christianity.

 

Christianity is the WORD OF GOD and challenging it makes you a fucking sinner.

 

Time to get a fo' pack.

 

Well, if any of this even vaguely resembled what the Bible or Christianity teaches, I would agree with you, that it doesn't make any sense to believe it but since it doesn't, I don't.

 

That's one of the reasons why I left Christianity in the first place, then returned when I gathered what most were saying about Christianity was not true.

https://www.youtube.com/user/christoferL#p/search/7/Uo2yPAB_5s4 This is a good channel that can help clear up some misunderstandings.

Hellfire:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo2yPAB_5s4

 

Ok man, what did I get wrong?

 

OldWaterBrother's very personal take on the Bible, which can only be read in one particular way, because it was written by the poop of the Lord.

 

Okay

Actually doing pretty good so far.

God doesn't get bored.

Eating of the tree does not mess up eternity. It only messes up mankind for a few thousand years and God is repairing that damage as we speak.

God did not provide the serpent, the serpent is used by Satan, a spirit creature who made himself into Satan, to talk to Eve and deceive her into eating of the fruit of the tree.

The garden did not "magically vanish". It existed up until the flood of Noah's day.

Well, God's purpose for mankind is to live on a paradise Earth not to go to heaven, although a few of mankind will go the heaven to be priests and kings with Jesus and many of those are from the nations that you say have no chance of getting to heaven.

All of the sacrifices had nothing to do with making God happy per-say. Those sacrifices were to show what God was going to do to straighten out matters for mankind.

As I mentioned, the sacrifices had nothing to do with giving God a rush, they represented what Jesus would do to straighten out matters for mankind and so when Jesus came those sacrifices were no longer needed.

It was a matter of justice, Adam give up his prefect human life and put mankind in the situation they find themselves in only another perfect human life could ransom that life back and God arranged for his son to do that for us.

The only just solution.

The Bible tells the rest of the world happened.

Jesus is God's son not God and the purpose of his coming to Earth was to sacrifice his perfect human life.

Yes, Jesus was resurrected on the third day. Heaven is not in the sky and no, mankind can not just fly there.

Since hell is the common grave of mankind everyone who dies goes to hell, no matter what they believe.

Since God can not be killed and Jesus is not God but God's son and hell is the common grave of mankind, this means that this statement is not based on the Bible.

 

I was assuming that Christians believe in a heaven and a hell, I'll get to that later.

But God could have not put the tree there, or not let Satan put the serpent there.

give me a Bible verse that says that

Also, no where in the Bible is that even hinted at.

If there is no hell, then what did Jesus fix? He didn't bring paridice, he didn't come down in all God's glory so that everyone could see him and believe in God, in fact, things are currently as fucked up as they've ever been.

So if us and God are even, why are we not in paridice?

of course....

Sorry, all the Christians I know believe in the trinity, and that God is split into three parts, the father, son, and holy spirit.
My bad

So when Jesus flew up into heaven 40 days after he rose from the dead, he got to where his followers couldn't see him, then a magic portal opened up that he flew into heaven through. The portal then closed. Is that a reasonable guess?

When Jesus was on the cross he told the theif that repented that they would dine in paridice that night, he said no such thing to the theif that didn't repent.
Jesus tells a parible in Luke 16:19 called Lazarous and the rich man, where Lazarous is poor and lives outside a rich mans house, but when they die Lazerous is sent to paridice where he meets Abraham, and the rich man is sent to hell.

[22] "The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham's side. The rich man also died and was buried. [23] In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. [24] So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.'

[25] "But Abraham replied, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. [26] And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.'

I dunno man, I see none of the things you are claiming in the Bible

 

True Christians do not believe in pagan doctrines.

Perhaps, but that doesn’t mean that God is responsible for what happened. If I park my car and someone steals it and runs over someone and kill them, I’m not responsible for that persons death, the person who stole the car is responsible.

When you show me one that says the Garden magically vanishes.

God put Adam and Eve in paradise and told them to be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it. Now if they had not sinned where would mankind be today?

Because God is still giving us time to decide which side we are on.

If God had brought an end to this system of things in Jesus’ day, many would not have heard the good news, so God has allowed time for the good news to be spread into all the Earth and then the end will come.

Again true Christians do not believe in pagan doctrines.

Heaven is a spirit realm, not a fleshly one, thus no “portal” is needed. All that is needed to get into heaven is that you be spirit and not flesh.

Could that be because the one he said it to asked Jesus to remember him when Jesus got into his kingdom and Jesus was just replying to him?

Jesus spoke in parables and this is just another example.

How do we know? Does it make sense that Lazarus got into “heaven” just because he was poor? Does it make sense that the rich went to “hell” just because he was rich?

Jesus was talking to the Pharisees, could it be that he was saying something about them rather than the condition of the dead? Seeing as he finishes by saying; “If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone rises from the dead“, which seems to be talking about his own death and resurrection.

Well, that makes two of us, seeing as I see none of the things you are claiming.

 

I'm not going to continiue arguing everything you say, you have a very different view of what the bible says than anyone I know.

The new purpose of this thread is to attack the normal beliefs of Christianity, not the "unique" opinions similar to olderwaterbrother's

 

Yes, I can confirm you both are fucking stupid.

 

So many deities born from virgin mothers, what does god have against sticking his pecker in a female me wonders?

 

Then please attack away because, I too believe those beliefs to be unbelievable.