WAR (my thoughts)

WAR(my thoughts)
to much blood, flowing like rivers, another shot fired, another innocence lost, so much crying, for to much dieing, people filled with hate for fellow countryman, another child dies coz a government lies, people shouting names, but no one replies, brother, sisters, husbands, wives, innocent people losing lives. Bleeding, pleading, crying, dieing. The truth is suppressed by government powers. When will it finish, when will it end, the heartache of loss never well mend...

 

Are you seriously 34? You write like a 13 year old.

 

War is everywhere. It's not just a human element. This planet is scarred by our inability to respect the rich biodiversity here. To protect it from the armies of indifference spawned by our corporations and sprawling communities. Humans engage in war but the most destructive ones are waged against the plantet's most vulnerable, those things that can't fight back.

 

Well said kidder.

 

good job expressing your opinion, iceman. im sure alot of us feel the same way.

 

I hear you kidder. i was at Newburry By-pass for two years, then Manchester Airport for a few months protesting ,

 

im sorry but thats harsh... if you dont have anything nice to say keep it to urself!

MR Iceman... i like it...

 

That was not a poem, that was a piece of shit, he should not live under the illusion of it being good. He should realize that it is beyond terrible, and improve his writting.

 

Poetry, like any artform, is a matter of taste. You can say you liked it or you didn't.

Stating flatly "This is good" or "This sucks" as if your opinion/tastes were fact is itself a pretty adolecent (13-ish) attitude.

I was impressed by the erratic flow of this poem, like someone running down the street of a city under seige looking left to right from chaos to carnage, and all you can do is keep running......

 

It's true, this writing is scruffy. Rubin I commend you for speaking your mind, except for the lack of tact.
Mr. Iceman your sentiments are felt by many, this poem seems to reflect your emotional state.

 

I can hear the activist in you. Re-affirms my suspicions that poetry = life! ..Sometimes it's sweet, and floats through the breeze, and others it's raw, and bites at ya knees!!



S

 

I judge it based on guidelines and rules for writting generic poetry and English.

That poem lacks all substance, I've seen 13 year olds on this forum write poems with more content than this.

It lacks any structure.

This poem is elementary at best.

 

I'm one of those people who think "art" and "rules and guidlines" don't belong in the same sentence.

Anyway the whole point of posting here is to express yourself right? Quality's subjective and in this place it's kind of a mute point anyway.This isn't a poetry contest and nobody's trying to sell anybody anything.

So why act like you bought something and got ripped off?

 

I was refering more to the English language guidelines.

If people post thier poetry in this forum, they can expect to be criticized.

 

who is it that defines rules and guidelines for writing. Thats why thay call them guidelines as a guide not a definative way to do it. as it says MY THOUGHTS ,writen in the style of Pam Brown..If some body says it should be done a specific way that don't say its right.Poetry don't have to rhyme or be uniform. for that supresses indeviduality, freedom of expression for that reason there is no true steadfast rule governing writing. if a body of people say its right, question is it. they said lets go to war. oh weapons of mass destruction, saddam the magician they dissapeared.Bush said its right. our tit of a leader said its right. don't mean it is

 

English language guidlines? In poetry? Those guidelines have been shattered by multitudes of poets both awful and those befitting of poet laureate. Your free to your opinions but you are consistently rude to people, for what I can see as no particular reason. If you dont like it, tell him why in an adult manner, insulting people does not get them to change what they do, and in that way you are not getting rid of the people you hate, but cementing them into the things that they do that you disapprove of. Why would you want to do that?

 

Poetry/Prose
A piece of literature written in meter; verse.

Prose that resembles a poem in some respect, as in form or sound.

prose
Concise Encyclopedia Article Page 1 of 1

Literary medium distinguished from poetry especially by its greater irregularity and variety of rhythm and its closer correspondence to the patterns of everyday speech.

Though it is readily distinguishable from poetry in that it does not treat a line as a formal unit, the significant differences between prose and poetry are of tone, pace, and sometimes subject matter.

 

If you can not recognise or distinguish between Poetry and Prose. then who are you to judge others.Oh by the way plenty of my works have been published.

 

any way i'm off to bed its 01.25 and i have a busy day debt collecting to look forward to

 

While I agree with BraveSirBobbin insofar as that piece is technically weak, his comments are immature and rude. Criticise yes, but there's no call for childish jibes.

As for the poem, there are problems with grammar, spelling, tenses and punctuation which are clearly just mistakes, not attempts to subvert the form. It would read a lot better if you paid more attention to these details (you need to be aware of the rules before you can break them in any meaningful sense). Punctuation and line breaks do affect rhythm... as it is it's just a bit of a splurge of thoughts rather than instrinsically poetically expressive. That said there are some good ideas and images ... I think there's a good piece of writing desperately trying to break out there!