I need advice.. like seriously..

ok.. well I've been on here alot, it's been a minute but I feel like here is a better place than any to get some thoughts out there and get some good feed back..
I have my son Aden who is with his dad for the most part but I have him on weekends and such when we work things out, I also have my daughter with me full time I haven't been working, I've been home with her ( she's 1 ) since work for Mike has been going good.. Now mike is in jail, not too sure for how long, some may remember this has happened before, pretty much the same shit, no new charges at all..
I'm pregnant.. I am so scared right now, I don't think I can have this baby, I gave a baby up for adoption when I was 16.. I can't do that again, and I don't even think, well I almost know I don't have it in me to go through with it, but I don't know if I should keep the baby..
my mind is going a mile a minute sorry if that's alot.. it's all true say what you want to say I just need some honest advice, I have my other children and myself to think about, I don't know what to do..
Holle*

 

I can't offer any advice on the current issue, simply because that is a decision you have to make for yourself. But, if you feel this way, now, no matter what you decide, make an appointment with your doctor to get fixed so you don't go through it again.

 

see that's another issue.. we really wanted this baby.. I talked to him about it already on the phone.. he's ok with whatever I decide and said we can have another baby.. but ya know.. I'm not taking this lightly this is huge to me.. I just don't think it's ok right now, not anymore.. but then i look at my baby girl and think how could I possibly...

 

My only point was that if you are even considering abortion this time, you should make sure it never happens again.

 

I do have to agree with ChronicTom. I know that you probably have a lot of people judging you and telling you what's best, but just because I'm human I have that nagging feeling that I should contribute my two cents...
You have to really start looking at birth control. There is no way that, at 24, you should be in the situation you're in. Already gave up a baby, raising two, pregnant with another...that's extremely excessive to me, unless these last three pregnancies were planned. Again, I know chances are you've had your share of judgment from enough people by now but apparently it's not helping much- there is absolutely no way any responsible woman in this country ends up with 4 unexpected children! There are literally dozens of options for birth control out there available to us; shots, implantations, female condoms, male condoms, the pill, the patch, and there are youth clinics that provide them for an affordable price to women under 25. Get in contact with a doctor or planned parenthood because they'll give you contacts and references and information.

ANYWAY

That being said, I don't know your story. There's a chance you weren't just being ignorant to the fact that your ovaries produce eggs which can make babies, I guess there are a few situations you could have gotten into. In any case, deciding whether or not to terminate the pregnancy can be one of the hardest decisions of a woman's life, and sadly, no matter how in love with the father you may be, men just can not have enough insight into the whole thing to offer you the best advice. Do you have a sister or female family member you're on good terms with that you can talk to, or a best friend?

You have to ask yourself how you can handle this. For some women, the experience of abortion and the guilt/regret they may feel afterward is so traumatizing that it would be horrible to go through it on your own and then have to deal with the pain after. But going through the pregnancy, labor, birth and then raising of this child, AS WELL AS your other child and not working seems...well, harder. Are you going to be able to support two babies full-time right now, and then when they start going to school are you going to be able to work two jobs to support them? Does that even matter to you or would you consider having to do that worth it? Do you have a support team of family or friends who will be there to help you and guide you and love you, no matter what your decision?

This is an incredibly sensitive decision and of course, only you can make it, but I would recommend checking local or nearby clinics to see if they offer counselling, just someone who has experience in this area who can offer you different and in-depth points of view, to help you decide what's right for you.

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/abortion-services-abortion-referrals-25993.htm

(^ planned parenthood can also help you get in touch with this kind of counselling)

Remember, there will be good and bad things that come of either decision. Good luck, and I'm sure that whatever you choose will be right for you!

 

Do you have any kind of support other than mike? When will you know how long he's in jail for?

 

aren't you the chick that is into pain...you should be lookin forward to all the pain comin your way....

no one else will say it...fine...i will

you should have thought about this and used birth control.

now your fucked[twice]

 

I don't really think getting "fixed" is the best option, depending on how you feel about the whole issue I guess. I think 24 is too young to decide for certain that you never want to get pregnant again.

 

that and most docs wont tie your tubes that young. its my opinion that most pregnancies are unexpected, unplanned. should you have been taking precautions? yes.
but this baby was discussed, wanted before baby daddy was put in the slammer. you don't sound like you want to get an abortion, and adoption would break your heart, already having done that before. so with adoption being the best "if we cant handle it" option, can you step up? can mike step up? if hes always pulling the same shit then hes not being a good provider. can you work and put away money to support yourself?

you have to weigh the consequences of every action. im sorry that you have to go through such a hard time.

 

To those who don't think getting fixed is the answer. If a person is considering an abortion because they don't think they can handle raising more children, then yes, it is the answer. No birth control method is 100%, but the only one that can't be 'forgotten', or misplaced, or argued against, is being fixed.

Statements like, most doctors wont or thats too young of an age, are ridiculous. If the person is considering an abortion, it is the perfect age to do so, and most doctors will listen to a well thought out position.

 

for the record...i would never ever give someone a hard time for getting an abortion

my post to gg wasnt soft and cuddly but if she opts to terminate the pregnancy i would not say any thing negative to her or any woman that makes that difficult decision

and i could not care what the reason....where i live you dont give a reason...you call and make an appointment....period and i have driven more than a couple of friends and girlfriends as well as a couple close relatives to their procedures and i would drive gg there as well...on my first post i said to her exactly what i would have said to my best friend........good luck gg what ever you decide

 

And suppose at 35 you're married to someone and want to have children. That kind of procedure is something that should be performed a little later in life than 24. Whether doctors will perform the operation at that age I don't know; I'm sure some would, if good reason was given. I just don't think it's the wisest choice.

 

She didn't ask about that part of it. Too young to be thinking about that.

I'll address the abortion issue via PM. I don't want to get into this in a public thread, since the conversation doesn't pertain to anyone else.

 

Only you know what is right for you, but I do wish you the best of luck.

Is there anyone else in your life that could help?

 

I hope you figure everything out, what happens happens and it is up to you now. All you can do is think about the future and don't dwell on the past. I wish you good health and good luck with whatever you decide.

 

you can start by NOT having unprotected sex.
if you know boyfriend is is in and out of jail, why would you keep having kids with him?
If you feel you can afford all the physical, mental, and financial exertion (especially the financial-- raising a child cost over 11,000 dollas a year), and if you really feel you can give this child a good life. Then go for it. i hope its not to late to make the desision to abort the child (if it is, adoption is the best way to go). if i were you, as much as it would pain me i would have to give it up either way....
I hope this helped! and feel free to pm me if you have any questions
--Tatiana

 

i don't know if its too late, i see you started the thread a long time ago but i figured i'd still express my opinion just in case

you said it yourself. worry about YOU and YOUR children. i cant tell you what's best for you, but personally i would never consider giving up a baby, especially if i ever had to give one up previously. but dont lose faith, you'd be surpised how much more you can go through being a mother. motherhood will push you to be better at anything for the sake of your children.

 

You know what you want to do. Follow your heart.