I need to get out of here!

I need to get out of here...
I need to move out.

Here is the details.
I'm 16 years old, but I won't move till 17 unless things get worse. I'm living with my grandparents and always have with the exception of 12-14 which I lived with my parents. Long story why I came back. But I moved for the following reasons. (Even though I had my own childish preconceptions on what was bothering me at the time.)
I am a very empathetic person, agonisingly so. Now, I've got a little huge problem. My grandmother.

She won't stop, she is completely ruining my life, and not just because she is oppressive, I'm not that immature. To sum it up, she is just nuts. She makes up and believes her totally ridiculous stories, and she is totally ruining everyone's lives around her.

For instance, she somehow got it into her head that my grandfather cheated on her, stayed away from home 5 days of a week without giving her any way to contact him, with 3 children, and a whole lot more. Whilst the actual truth to the story is that my grandfather NEVER cheated on her at all, and never was away for longer than a day or two, and that was a rare occasion. In fact, he gave up his dream of becoming a international opera singer (he got all the opportunities he needed to become as famous as Pavarotti, not to mention the skills to match.) and turned down his dream job for the sake of the family. He gave up everything for her, and still does. He is 78, and he is working himself dizzy for her, but all he gets is more and more and more work and not a compliment in sight, just criticism. He is already to hopeless to even try and contradict her on her bullshit, and just lives with it. Well I can't bear it to watch this happen in front of me EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY!
She killed my self esteem and adds to the pain every day with her constant criticism and pressure. Not to mention, she always manages to fit in an fight, even if I only see her for 5 mins, she manages to fit in a fight in it.
Honestly, I want to evolve spiritually but even after meditating for hours in nature, she manages to get me to boiling point in minutes.
At a time I thought I was the problem, that I was causing it (the barrage that is directed to me, not my grandfather, I'm not an idiot.) but in the week that she was at my mothers so far there wasn't a single fight in the house. Me and my grandfather just deal with problems, we don't start a screaming fest.

Now, another thing is, I LOVE nature, I can't live without it, but nobody takes the trouble to get me a weekly/biweekly dose of nature, they are all to busy. (It is just a 35 mile drive to the nearest forest.) But I can not live without nature, I go crazy, I get depressed, grumpy, and irritable. That in combination with my grandmother's antics is like a zoo inside a nuclear plant. Shit is bound to happen.

For most of my life I was a depressed wreck! I constantly wanted to kill myself and just end it, and eventually it turned into daily attempts. (I've got some angels guarding over me.)

There is many more reasons that I want to get out than what I put here, but this is the biggest reasons.

I'm all for discussing problems and dealing with them, infact that is what I really want to do, but even after a car crash and me spilling out all my emotions and feelings on her mistreating my grandfather and me, forcing her will upon us and not being considerate to our feelings at all, she still doesn't show the slightest hinge towards changing. Just one incident that sticks out was on Christmas. At the end of the night, she came to my room, and started talking. Well the conversation (like 99% of them) ended up swinging back towards how shitty her past was and how "terrible" my grandfather was. Her ultimate excuse for anything when she cannot justify is how terribly my grandfather abused her (not physically.) and how she was seen as an object. And no matter how much I tell her to shut up and leave she just continues, ruining my whole day, that somehow ended up only having 3-4 minor fights. (Normally they are an occurrence so frequent that every single conversation ends up an heated argument, and every second argument a heated verbal fight.)
I just want peace.

I know this great place situated in a cave overlooking a river-mouth and surrounded by forest. The place is simply beyond beautiful. Just an single hour there gets me so at peace it is hard to contemplate! Now, the great thing is I do homeschooling, so if I am up to it, I can continue my work and still pass. I get an average of 85%-92% (Probably higher now since all the shitty subjects that I just hate but still get semi-good marks (70ies and low 80ies.) are out of the equation.) so I'm sure I can easily make it if I put effort into it. (For all I know in the peaceful environment my performance might sky-rocket!)

The guy who owns the place said he will take me in if it ever got to that point, and I am seriously considering going now. I feel it can only do me good spiritually. I would just need to make enough money to get some sustainable energy up there, as I'm not going to be able to give up my PC as all my books and schoolwork are on it, so I won't be able to go till I'm 17. I know how I could easily do this though...

But in any case, I just can't take it anymore. I know I'm supposed to be able to find inner peace anywhere, but I'm not Jesus or Bhuddha, although I'd like to be like them, I just can't take it anymore. I cannot take the city anymore, I cannot take this house anymore, I cannot take all this clutter anymore, and I just cannot take all this ciaos anymore!

On the day I spilled my heart to them after the car crash and the cliff incident (I also fell off a cliff 8 weeks ago, and the car crash happened 3 weeks ago.) my conclusion was: Either there comes change, or my grandfather divorces her, or I move out.
Well my grandfather won't divorce her, he loves her to much to make her go through that trauma, and she is to hard-headed to ever admit that she does anything wrong and change her act (well, at the moment I'd be happy with her just saying sorry for once in her life, even if she still goes on as she does, if she could just say sorry once in a while...) so I am left with the last option. I do not want to end up as fucked up as my mother, uncle, and aunt ended up becoming. It took my mother 10 years to undo the damage, and my uncle is still screwed because of it. (I haven't dealved into the psyche of my Aunt yet...) I do not want to end up like them, I want out.

On a side note: She hits me from time to time. It isn't really painful physically as I'm twice her size, but the very fact that someone I love so much I'd give my life for hers is hitting me with all her force just kills me inside.

PS: Thanks for those who read the whole thing, and BTW I did put it in "all in the family" but after a whole day I still haven't got a single reply. I thought it might fit here. (I actually wanted to put it in Love and Sex since there is 700 people in there lol.)

 

I think your grandmother sounds nice.

 

As long as it does not affect your schoolwork, you should get away from that woman. Remember if you study hard you can possibly get a scholarship to college, take out loans and live in the dorms.

LOL, when he said the word empathy I think your mind snapped.

 

That sucks... Good luck with moving out

 

Well your grandmother probably won't live too much longer anyway.
It seems from the way you describe her she appears delusional which is
a possible symptom of dementia.
But yeah, move out.

 

She is delusional. But I've been there. I know EXACTLY how she feels. I was a depressed, stressed out wreck till a few years ago when I took responsibility for my life. When you keep on blaming past events for your present unhappiness, then you start to become delusional, making up elaborate stories based on isolated incidents. The only thing that should ever effect you (and that is only when you are in the process of eliminating that effect as well.) is PRESENT situations.

 

PS, you think I should try dosing her with an heroic dose of mushrooms before church one day so that she can experience God?

(This is a joke btw. Although if I know it will help I would do it!)

 

that would be funny if she was completely normal for 5 hours while on the shrooms and then went back to being crazy.

I can picture her finding happiness on the shrooms :Angel_anim:...but of course I can also picture a demon truly come alive :reddevil:

 

old people are crotchety. next time just tell her that she is about to die anyways so just enjoy breathing and her working organs.

 

cliffs?

 

Deserted Mine Shafts.??......



Cheers Glen.

 

unfortunatley most old people only know how to show empathy to small animals

 

I'm sixteen and I'm about to move out. Just leave on good terms.

 

I found a photo of the place I will be staying at the moment I get enough money to get some solar and wind power there for my PC, a small refrigerator, and mushroom growing.

And when I leave for the amazon with the money I made from donations on the mushrooms. (In essence I will have a recommended donation of $5 a gram, but it is optional and people don't have to pay at all if they do not have the money. I want symbiosis not exploitation.)

PS: My grandmother recently got a condition from too much stress, can't remember what it is called, but she has a rash and it can eventually cause blindness if it isn't healed. She works herself up too much, doesn't want to quit her dead-end job (she is an estate agent, and she hasn't sold anything in over a year! The market is dead, but she keeps on insisting that it is picking up.) but just keeps on fucking on, and blaming her stress on everyone else.

I'm moving once I have the money, and this condition clears up. (I don't want to cause her death. It will break her if I move now. It will break her if I move any time, but now is just to heavy, it WILL kill her.)

 

She keeps out kicking out my dog whenever she comes in the house because of her stupid obsessive compulsive disorder. She cannot take it when there is the slightest speck of dirt of hairs on the floor. She freaks out about how filthy the house is when the only cleaner houses are owned by people with a million maids and/or OCD themselves.

Empathy to small animals, hmph. Only if it doesn't mean them coming in the house...

PS: Why aren't my photo's showing up?

Here is links: http://www.flickr.com/photos/baz555/3792066762/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/baz555/3792066746/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/baz555/3792066730/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/baz555/3791263021/in/photostream/

There ya go.

 

If I'm leaving sooner than I can get solar it probably wouldn't be on good terms.

 

MOVE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

find your peace.

 

Oh I am, I'm just going to have to plan this carefully and not just rush into it. I want to make new opportunities, not limit my opportunities.

How much do you think will it cost to set up a solar and wind power system that can give me average 10kwh per day? (We get quite a bit of wind here! I live on the coast. And global warming is giving more sunlight and more wind. I just hope the place doesn't get flooded with a huge swell, it almost did last year, and the year before, but hey, I think God is protecting that place.)


Checklist for when I move out:
Enough money for solar and wind power.
My PC/a Laptop (if I get a laptop by then, the power costs should go down.)
Seeds, lots, and lots of seeds. Every edible and psychoactive I can find. (Just no weed, cause of cops.)
Pots, lots and lots of pots.
Reverse Osmosis system.
Mushroom growing supplies.
All the clothes I can fit in a backpack.
A new haircut, change my name, and tattoo over tell-tale scars.

And I'm finishing grade 10 first, I'll do 11-12 solo.

PS, now that I think about it, School is basically just a fall-back. If I have anything to do with it, I will never use my qualifications anyway, but hey, a horticulture degree might come in handy when the earth is nearing extinction and the only thing that can save us is plants!

 

It's settled, I'm moving in a month or two. The omens tell me to, and the conditions are getting ridiculous. I'm going insane.

Fuck solar. I can live without electricity.
I can use the damn internet cafe when I have to watch some DVD for my schoolwork.

I can't take it anymore, she almost gave me a concussion (jeez I didn't know she can hit so hard.), and she threw me with a candle. (A big, 1ft high, 4 inch thick candle.)

It is not doing either of us good!

I managed to figure out how to grow magic mushrooms without electricity, using a fire for sterilization.
I'm buying me a shit ton of seeds of all kinds of plants, and I'm gonna ask my dealer for a few bankies of seeds, and get the fuck otta here.

 

Righto. You live in South Africa eh? hmmmmm