lost another beautiful friend to suicide. I'm numb, starved, and swollen. this isn't real right? ill wake up and all my dead friends will be there right? my mind is just fucked. all I can think is fuck. fuck it. whyyyy did he do this love you chris.
Fuck... I can't imagine what you've been going through. Losing friends is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. Just try and remember, if you believe such things, that the death of one's physical body is almost insignificant in one's real spirit/energy life. Either way, just remember the positive and good times with them. Hope you find a sense of peace in this madness.
he burned a hole in my favorite slippers once with his cig once when we were drunk off our ass. I've just been thinking abouthow hard we laughed whist clutching said slipper. idk at this point what's going on. what is the universe telling me by my friends leaving me. I can't find rhyme or reason. like I said my mind is just saying fuck. thats all, fuck. fuck emma, you're next. fuck emma you didn't say bye. fuck you should have known he wasn't ok. fuck fuck fuck
I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. Just remember, no matter how dark things may seem, there is still beauty and light in the world, always. Much much love.
thanks for your guys support. I'm not sure if I'm ready to move on from all this...but I will be. I'm a pretty happy girl, ill getthrough it. I'm ok. I'm ok. maybe...
First of all, allow me to offer sympathy, hugs, and love! I'm so sorry that this happened to your friend and that it isn't the first self-inflicted death you've had to deal with. Losing a loved one always, always hurts so bad, and I feel your pain. Premature and tragic death like that is so hard to deal with. Today would have been a friend's 28th birthday, but he died last March. He owned fire-arms, and he got really drunk one night and went home, and when his mom and cousin found him the next day he was dead of a gunshot wound to the collarbone (he had bled to death). Coroner ruled it an accident and we are 99.9% certain that it was, especially as he had been an increasingly optimistic and upbeat mode of late. It was a new gun he didn't know much about, and it is one model that has a "hair trigger." His gun cleaning supplies were out, too, which tells us his intentions were cleaning it and he must've either forgotten it was loaded, or was careless in his handling of it. He didn't commit suicide, but he put his safety and life in danger, and ended up inadvertently dying of his own mistake. It is still very sad, and I still cry over him. Mainly because he was just such a genuinely sweet person, as well as incredibly smart and just amazing. I often wonder why he put his safety in danger so much - it was not the first incident involving alchol and a gun accidentally going off. It just happens that this time it went off on him instead of away from him (he had once before put a bullethole into his wall from a gun going off). I was beside myself for weeks, kind of functioning and going through the motions, but was very much a shell for a couple of months. He was one of my best friends. As time went on it slowly got easier to deal with, but you never truly "get over" a loss like this. You just more or less learn to live without the person in your life day to day. I will always carry his memory with me, but I can't live in perpetual grief forever either. I advise not trying to assign any sort of purpose or fate type things to the deaths of your friends. People say things like, "he's in a better place," or, "the universe is telling you something," but I find tragic and premature death is a totally random thing with no rhyme, reason, or purpose. I found it healthier in my mourning of my friend to NOT say things like that, and acknowledge just how senseless and unfair his death is. I feel like it's healthier to feel the pain from this loss, all the raw grief and unfair bullshit involved. Allow yourself to feel things naturally. It may be scary and painful sometimes. There were some crying jags I had over my friend that lasted a couple of hours apiece, where I physically felt like my heart was being ripped out. Grief hurts inside and out, for sure, but it's also necessary to allow yourself to feel those things. The mind knows when it's safe to let loose. I never found myself bawling at work (I would get teary, but never full on sobbing) or anything, it only ever came out when I was in a "safe place" like at home or with a friend. Surround yourself with as much love as you can, and also do nice things for yourself. Never feel guilty about what to say to the family, either. I let my friend's parents and other family know that I am also grief-stricken and beside myself about it, but that if they needed a hug or just wanted to hang out that I'm around. That's really the best anyone can do in times like these. *HUGS* ~ I feel your pain...be strong, confide in mutual friends, and let yourself feel all the feelings, and you will get through this. Today is a hard day for me because of the day that it is, but other days are easier for me now, and a lot of the time when I think of my friend I am recalling funny stories or happy times with him. But there are still hard and sad moments too. *MORE HUGS* and lots of love!
Hopefully he's in the place he wanted to be and escaping what he wanted to escape. God bless his soul and I'm deeply sorry that you are on the receiving end of that loss.
My Lord iam sorry...I dont think their is much to say about that...Damn...Iam incredibly sorry.....Keep us posted on that, id like to know how your doing....I recomend walking..Just take a never ending walk...Just you and your mind and nature ...Iam really Sorry
