Hey people, Not sure why I am writing this, other than perhaps I need to let it out. I have been keeping things in for the last few days, however, am not feeling better, and am only getting more and more confused. We went on a cruse around the carabian, and were away for about 2 weeks. This time however, my wife convinced me to bring both our moms (hers and mine) along, as they are old, and she thought it would be nice to treat them to this trip. (My mom is pushing 80). Anyhow, to make a long story short... My mom has had issues with anger since I was young... I was abuse (physically) while I was a child, but, because of my wife, I have forgiven her, and let things go.. 2 days before we were to return from this trip, my mom ended up having one of her episodes (haven't see it for years).. She blew up, on everyone on the boat for no reason, and was quite angry for a few hours at all of us. Eventually, I couldn't take it any more, as she was being so unfair to everyone - including those who pushed to bring her along. One thing let to another, and there was all out war. My mom ended up calling my wife and her mom a whore, and told them she wished her mom dead... I lost it at that point and said some horrible things that I regret... my wife did the same... but she ended up making up with her right away (my mom is 80). a few days later, I ended up making up with her as well (my wife pushed me to call her), but there are a lot of horrible feelings growing around. I am also depressed that I was so mean to an old lady... I lost it, and that is not an excuse... I just couldn't believe how mean she was being, for nothing at all. I told her I don't have a mother, I was swearing at her... and kept telling her she is a sick lady... it was just like being back in the old days... she even tried to hit me once... I told her she is an old grandma, and I am not afraid of her anymore. help guys... I am so sad at what I did... and know things will never be the same again.. it took Joanne (my wife) so many years to rebuild our relationship.. and its gone. not sure if that is a good thing or if I should have just walked away... to be honest, its all a blur, but, I kind although maybe if I vent things here... it may help me... even if no one responds... you are all such wonderful people on this forum. Peace Soc
hi socratez, IMOA a person of 80 should have enough experience in life to be able to control themselves,she must know that her temper has caused hurt in the past, this is not your fault, you and your wife are very good people to include her in your holiday after all she put you through in the past. You have tried to mend things out of the goodness of your heart, you have your wonderful lady by your side, just keep your mother at arms lenth now, a phone call once a week,a card on special occasions.You did your best, and no one can do more than that.Don't feel bad, your not the one in the wrong here.
Well Soc, lemmie tell ya',,, I've had the same issues with my Grandmother and similar with my Mom (Mom being a crackwhore bitch from hell) and in my 38 years on this planet I've come to decide that if these people choose to stay dysfunctional, get outraged at the mere suggestion that they may have issues needing attention and otherwise continue on thru life as if they're all fine and peachy / "the problem is everyone around them is messed up". All we can really do is make our own choice as to if we wish to continue to allow these types of toxic people in our lives. It may seem sad or harsh to many who havent been in the situation to hear of someone telling their parent-figures to "go dry up and die so you can piss on their grave already" but I think the pangs of guilt and regret will generally dissapear once the individual becomes able to look at the person for who they really are as opposed to recalling the few fonder memories of childhood I haven't spoken a word to my childlike elders in about 2 years and have never felt better. I tried numerous times to get them to seek professional help for which I was the one who ended up suffering. Bottom line, when people are content and determined to look at the world through their own particular shade of rose colored glasses, all we can do is step back and let them. The further back we step, the healthier it is for us as people. I'm really glad you brought this up as it's given me opportunity to vocalize my own thoughts and feelings on the issue as well. :cheers2: Personal suggestion, have an effigial funeral in her honor, that is of course if you truly feel ready to sever the ties of dysfunction.
i feel for you bro...my sons gramma[my x mom in law''] has issues with anger..thats the polite way of putting it...2 of her husbands hung thamselves AND her son..this lady uses curse words like she gets paid for them...at family functions she can usually hold it together and limit her anger to ''mini'' outbreaks but occasionally she loses control...example... in2000 my neighbor burned hers and my houses down,she died in the fire...at the funeral home..in front of 300 people inlaw mom tried to beat me up because she thought i was being disrespectful to her....i have since written her off some people cannot be fixed good luck
Families can be a nightmare, but because they are family it always hurts more when you argue. It sounds like you have been through a lot with her in the past and have forgiven her time and time again. It takes a good man to do that. I think she needs to know how she makes you feel and that you cannot keep letting her upset you. That said it's very hard to stand up to parents. Maybe you need some space from her for a while and take things slowly, see how things work out that way. Hoe you doing ok.
Regardless of your relationship with a person, there is only one way to judge these things. If the person brings you more joy then stress, keep them in your life. If they bring you more stress then joy, stay as far away from them as possible. This isn't something that you keep a running tally of, (ie, she is my mom, and gave me life), but current thing, how does she affect your life now. So, ask yourself, does she bring more joy then stress into your current life or not?
Hey guys, Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. It really meant a lot to me.. For some reason, I kinda thought everyone would think I'm a horrible person for freaking out at a senior citizen... I always just believe no matter what they do, they are old, so respect them... even though my mom was like that since I can remember (worse when she was younger).... Its been hard over the last few days... lots of memories are re-surfacing... I remember so many times... One time I was just a small kid, and my grandpa died. I remembered there was no headstone after the funeral, and I wanted to make everyone feel better... so I looked around for a couple twigs, and wanted to make a cross for the grave. I guess I slowed down the group, so, my mom ended up slapping me in the face so hard, my noise bleed.. during the fight, I told her there is no such thing as god... That made me feel like crap - as how do you say that to an old person who - believes... Anyhow, so many memories are re-surfacing... at this time, I'm not sure if that a good thing (catharses), or a bad thing... but since reading your responses - I feel better now than I have in a long long time... Thanks again for listening everyone.. Peace Soc
