so lately i have been really really depressed. this is my story. i had a pretty hard time growing up. my father was absolutley non-existant and i only saw him once when i was ten. my mother raised me well until i turned ten and she started dating an extremely wealthy older man. he started to introduce her to alcohol and she became an alcoholic. her decent into madness was so quick that i didnt know what to do. i started raising myself at ten making my own food getting myself enrolled in school and in general doing everything that my mother should have been doing. she often abused me emotionally as well as physically. this never really bothered me until now. now i cant get over it i am so sad that i often wish that someone would just kill me or that i would get into a car accident or anything to take away this pain. on top of it all i feel this need to constantly be accepted by men and i do anything to make one want to be with me. i dont know what to do i am so sad can somebody please please help me?!?!
I wish you were not so sad. People say how short life is but it can seem really long as well. Remember that everyone you see everywhere everyday, we are all survivors. We all have made it this far and not by accident. My teacher in tech school used to repeat all the time "no one said it was gonna be easy" referring to the school work, but it seems to equally apply to life. Im actually going for a refresher course by him next month. These Winter months can sure be a drag.
i appreciate your kind comments they mean a lot to me there is just a lot of pain i cant really seem to forget and i want so bad to let it go but i just cant seem to
I hoped you would't read me as saying "tough shit". I know problems are not as easy as saying "I wont worry about it" and you're better. It seems half of the populus is getting prescribed mood medicine. Keep positive and build towards your future. I'm not a professional but I hope my input can help you out.
without saying too many personal things here, i can relate to some of your experiences. i am sorry you are going through all of this. that is a hard childhood and no one deserves that pain. the best advice i can give you is to consider seeing a therapist (not a psychiatrist, just a counselor to talk to). i started seeing one last year and it's helped me SO much. if you want to talk more about this or ask questions feel free to PM me. you are not alone! *hug*
I am very sorry for the childhood you experienced. I can only imagine such responsibility and experiences at such a young age. What I do want to say, is that no matter what happened, you can't let yourself be the effect of your past. If you let the past have emotional control of you, you've surrendered your happiness, your future, your entire existence to past negativity. Don't make a mistake about it, you can't just snap your fingers and have happiness arrive. Such is everyones deepest desire; you must be the cause of your own happiness. There is too much beauty and light in the world for you to wish as something as horrid as a car accident on to yourself. Don't let the past control your mind and existence. Live in the now, with life right in front of you. Pursue that which brings you happiness and love while never forgetting the life that is happening now, not tomorrow, not ten years ago, but immediately now. But never let the past take hold of your life. You have far too much beauty and love in you to hand it over to the past or wish for euthanasia.
i thank you guys so much for your input i hear everything you say in it brings me some peace its just that sometimes i feel so alone and as of late all the people i have been with to keep from being alone have been overpossesive assholes or just ignoring me for no reason i really feel like i am going crazy but i am rational enough to know that no pain lasts forever it just hurts like hell right now
When you're ready you might want to confront your mother, tell her how much she has hurt you over the years and tell her you want her to get her drinking under control. Tell her how much better a person she was before she started drinking. If you get some resolution from it, great. If not, you might just have to move on with your life without her, even if she is your mother. You need to take care of yourself before anybody else.
my mother and i have already had that conversation so many times i asked her if she would stop drinking for me and she said no she wouldnt even stop for her own daughter i know i need to move on but i dont have anyone else i thought i had someone but it turned out that i never really did
Little Flower (pretty name) - I am an old hippie from back in the 60's and have had some bouts with depression myself. Better living through chemistry I always said. Seriously - Anti Depression drugs have been so vilified by so many that many would rather suffer through depression than to take a medication that would help. They have saved my life. Your ability to think and reason and feel won't be depressed - only the constant sadness. The do effect some adversely but for most they are a god sent. Drugs like Zoloft (what I take), Prozac, Paxil and so on. I urge you to see a Dr. and explain your feelings. You should be feeling more in control within two to three weeks - if not the Dr. will switch you to another med. I hope you have someone around you that can give you a hug - that helps too. Also - I'm a guy so I know. Some guys are not nice when it comes to vulnerable women. Judge them closely before you get involved. You can't afford to be used at this point in your life. Peace & Love - Dudley
Remember this: you always have yourself. Sure you would like someone else to share your life but you must get over the idea that you need someone else. Don't be needy; it's a sad fact of life that people who need friends the most have the fewest. Be strong and self-sufficient, and you will attract friends naturally.
i am on medication and have been for awhile and it seems to be helping but the anxiety is still there it just hangs like a big heavy cloud it is so nice though to know that there are so many kind people out there that care about someone as young as i am things seem to be looking up now i started college again and some old friends have contacted me from out of the blue thank you all so much it is very warming to my heart to know that humanity still cares
i think you'll be ok. most people go through depression in their lifetimes, and they come out all right!
i know i will come out alright and i am i dont have the balls to do something like take my own life it is just that right now in the present it hurts and burns like a blade sometimes i feel that the pain is strangling and hurts more than any physical pain i have known i know i will be fine its just hurts so much now i wish i could numb myself but i know that is not the way to make this all right
It's the people who don't have the balls to face life who end up killing themselves! This damn sure sounds like someone who can take care of herself. Your mother is the one who went downhill, not you, and in doing so she forced you to grow up fast. Now you need to grow up emotionally. Have faith in yourself and as time passes so will the pain.
it is getting better everyday and i can take care of my self physically there is nothing i am better at doing than surviving i have been doing it since before i can remember i cant take care of myself emotionally and thats what really kills me i just feel like i have been taking care of myself for so long i want someone who can take care of me emotionally so i dont have to go through it all again and that builds dependence which drives me fucking crazy i know it will get better i have faith in the universe and in balance i just really wish it would happen soon cause i am tired of feeling pain it is not a good thing when a human becomes so used to pain that they can even recognize anything else but i dont have the worst life ever i have had good times and now i am in college i know i am young and my emotions control a lot of what i do so i am just waiting for the time to pass until i can feel okay again
