wrote this the other night under the stars

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by white dove, Nov 16, 2009.

  1. white dove

    white dove Member

    Messages:
    909
    Likes Received:
    1
    The stars shine for ur light, the wind blows for ur might
    clouds are there for ur landing,the moon has no understanding,
    the sun shines it has no choice, and the river flows for rejoice,
    take a walk and pick them flowers, im sure they have some Magical powers,


    is it a poem or some thing else, maby a song i could sing it i was thinking, peace and freedom
     
  2. BraveSirRubin

    BraveSirRubin Members

    Messages:
    34,145
    Likes Received:
    23
    Learn to spell.
     
  3. isoisidorus

    isoisidorus Member

    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    0
    BraveSirRubin, go to hell

    this is a wonderful idiomatic poem
    i especially like the last line
    "take a walk and pick them flowers, im sure they have some Magical powers"
     
  4. isoisidorus

    isoisidorus Member

    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    0
    nice flowing rhythm
     
  5. BraveSirRubin

    BraveSirRubin Members

    Messages:
    34,145
    Likes Received:
    23

    No, it's not. It needs improvement.
     
  6. Zorba The Grape

    Zorba The Grape Gavagai?

    Messages:
    1,988
    Likes Received:
    6
    ^^ Agree.

    It's pretty short, and not to be contrary, but I think the last line is the worst. It seems like a silly comment at the end of something that is otherwise somewhat serious. Also, what does 'flows for rejoice' mean?
     
  7. DazedGypsy

    DazedGypsy fire

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    12
    you could turn this into a song.. good ideas for a start
     
  8. white dove

    white dove Member

    Messages:
    909
    Likes Received:
    1
    like yeah i can not spell very good and i do not intenned to learn now, it was just a start i get side tracked a fair bit because other things pop into my head a i follow other paths, rejoice, its like a kind of happines, and flows like as in flow, the movement of some thing i would say, thank all you guts for the in put, ill have another ponder on it soon, peace
     
  9. isoisidorus

    isoisidorus Member

    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    0
    do learn to spell White Dove. It really isn't that difficult- just read a lot (everything except others' postings online of course). You are a poet.


    let us not let language fall apart
    otherwise everything else will follow.
     
  10. white dove

    white dove Member

    Messages:
    909
    Likes Received:
    1
    evan if i did learn to spell good, most of my thoughts are not under stood because im on a difrent plane to most people and they do not see the colours and meanings in the txt all they see is what they read, kinda like skiping to the middle of a book, in my eyes, i will take one bord what you said, thank you my friend, peace
     
  11. ChristianToker

    ChristianToker Member

    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    1
    dude dont be a jerk. that was a nice poem. a really good poem infact.

    And the OP looks like my cousin's friend Antonio. ^_^
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice