think my friend needs help

I was talking to my male friend a while ago (lets call him A), and he had been having friendship issues with a mutual male friend (we'll call him B). I had been really confused about their whole argument but didn't think much of it... neither one was going too far into what exactly happened but I figured it was none of my business. Eventually, admitted to me that the two of them had hooked up numerous times over the summer. I was shocked, because I had no idea either of them was gay.

Anyway, A said that whenever he tried to talk to B about it, B would refuse to talk about it... he ignored calls and texts from A and felt very uncomfortable talking about it, even to the person he had hooked up with. Another thing I should add is out of all the times the two of them hooked up, neither of them were sober (always drunk and/or high). A told me that B was very awkward to hook up with, he never even looked A in the eye, he just kept his eyes closed the whole time (I should also add that I also was hooking up with B over the summer around the same time, and it was never awkward between us, it actually felt very very natural, which is extremely rare for me when i'm with a guy)

I had been wanting to talk to B about it, tell him that I know what happened between him and A. he doesn't know that I'm a lesbian or whatever but I figured if I brought it up then I could tell him about myself and we could help each other out. A decided to text B and tell him that I knew about the two of them, so he might open up to me.

The plan kind of backfired... B was drunk (he's still in high school and this was a sunday night), very very drunk, so it was almost impossible to talk to him. I have a very good feeling he started drinking after A texted him, because his texts were fine before that. B was denying everything A was saying, and was trying to convince me that A was lying to me. He ended up getting really angry at me for believing A over him.

I tried to talk to B again today, but he just denied it again (he was sober at the time), and when I responded he texted me some gibberish back, because he was obviously really drunk.

It's really bothering me now, B's father is obviously an alcoholic and B is following right behind. The fact that his sexuality is what is bringing him to drink bothers me even more, because I just wish I could help him... I'm pretty sure I could help him if he would let me.

What should I do? should I back off? It's obvious my friend has so many underlying issues, and it's starting to get to a point where I don't even care, but at the same time I really want to help him. It's so hard for me to just stand here and let him get drunk as shit on school nights because he's "bored" (that's the excuse he tells me). He's been having drinking problems for at least a year now, and it's only been getting worse. I'm just really worried about him.

 

By the sound of this, neither A nor B really want your help or any further involvement for that matter.

If I were in your shoes, I'd move on, and try to live my own life on my own terms.

KD

 

A wants to help B as much as he can, but he really isnt able to do much. hes the one who got me involved in the first place, and he's essentially the one keeping me involved.

obviously B doesnt want anyone's help right now,but i would hate for him to hurt himself due to his drinking, its so out of control, and it just seems like such an extreme way to deal with being gay...

 

would his coming out be a huge deal to his family? if not...it sounds long overdue. if so, (either way, really) he needs counseling asap.

 

he has a really weird relationship with his family.. i dont think he's very close with any of his family members. if he can't even come out to his closest friends then i dont know how he would come out to his family.

i know he needs counseling or something, but i dont know how to even get him to do that. he wont admit anything is wrong so he just tells me he's fine. and he's in such denial that i cant just tell him that I know. the other night he was even convincing A that he was lying... A said something like "just stop denying it, she knows the truth" (talking about me) and B responded "you're a liar" or something to that degree.

 

Yes, your friend B needs help. Being in the closet is a problem, but having a substance abuse problem is a bigger problem. If A and B were always drunk or high or both when they had sex, it sounds like they both need help.

check, you mentioned that B is a high school student. In that case, there is a real possibility that he is under the age of consent. If A isn't a high school student and is of consenting age, it's pretty likely that he could find himself in legal trouble for having sex with B. Under the law, that's considered statutory rape. It doesn't matter even if B was the aggressor; it's still considered statutory rape.

If A provided the alcohol or other substance that got B drunk or high or both, A may also be charged with corrupting a minor. A guy who is getting drunk or high with a minor and having sex with him could probably also use some help himself.

It sounds like the best thing A and B could do is get to Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous as soon as possible. I would also add that it is not a good idea to hook up with either one of these guys. I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic, and it ended badly. It's tough to have a healthy relationship with an alcoholic because s/he is already in another relationship--one with alcohol.

 

about the whole statutory rape thing, in PA its only considered statutory rape if one person is under the age of 14... maybe 16 i cant remember, and the other person is 4 years older (yay law class).

i'm almost positive B provided the alcohol and weed every time

anyway, as for the status of my relationship with B now, we're on talking terms... based on how we act towards each other its like we're friends like normal. i'm nervous about bringing it up again, but i'm wondering if i should try talking to him in person? i just hate the fact that he's blatantly lying to me, and even trying to lie to the guy he hooked up with.