Freedom vs. Fear of STDs

How much does the fear of STDs alter your sexual practices? I know, for example, that condoms (even if used correctly) don't always prevent herpes transmission, and that kind of knowledge has caused me to have a lot fewer sexual partners than I would have had otherwise, especially in the last few years. I know a younger girl who has decided that she's not going to worry about things like that. She always makes sure the guy uses a condom, but she sleeps with whoever she wants. She says she isn't willing to let fear control her life. That approach would make me very nervous. Where do you come down on this?

 

when we do a MMF we don't make them use anything. I guess we kinda agree with your friend.

 

I don't really let fear of STD's control me at all... and I have plenty of unprotected sex. I also know plenty of others who do the same and have never caught anything. The reality is that STD's aren't as prolific as all the propaganda put out there made to scare people into never having unprotected sex suggest.

 

The small number of responses on this thread make me wonder if this is a subject that a lot of people choose not to think about because it's an unpleasant topic to contemplate. Or maybe there is a big difference between what people think they should be doing on this issue and what they are actually doing. I don't know.

 

i agree with your friend, there's no point allowing fear to dictate your choices too much - we are alive to experience as much as we can.

as far as herpes is concerned;
a) you could well already have it and not know, as not everyone gets symptoms
b) the only times it's really even remotely likely that you will catch it from someone who has it is a few days before or during an outbreak. a few days before means they may not have symptoms and you could contract it, but it's unlikely, and once there is an outbreak, it's pretty obvious, so you just give it a break until it clears up

http://www.stdservices.on.net/std/herpes/facts.htm

most of the info put out there by the government (in australia anyway) is just propaganda trying to get everyone scared enough about it to start taking tablets every day for it

most of the time i use condoms when i have sex, that said, i have done so without a few times in the last year and i've been fine. i get checked every few months and have never had an issue

i really don't see why it's scary at all? if you get herpes, oh well, most people have it (or so the ads on tv would have us believe) and most other STIs can be cleared up pretty easily
obviously HIV/AIDS is a concern but in developed countries it's really not very prevalent

most illness is emotionally/psychologically rooted anyway, so if you're looking after yourself in that respect, as well as physically, your immune system is actually smart enough to deal with most things by itself

 

The propaganda machine has done a very good job of scaring people about the risks of contracting STD's. But for most people it's simply an issue of using a condom. The propaganda is meant to scare people away from having unprotected sex. As long as you're using a condom, most people aren't concerned at all about catching anything (even though it's still possible), because the risks are so much lower and the negative propaganda out there isn't geared towards people using condoms. The general viewpoint has become, as long as you're using a condom, your OK.

 

I'm probably typical in that my tolerance for risk used to be higher when I was younger. Nothing in life is risk-free, and you have more motivation to take bigger chances when there is so much of life that you haven't experienced yet. So maybe my young, single friend and I are both right.

I only know one person personally who admits to having herpes. She got it back when it was a bigger deal. She suffered a lot, but claims to have very few problems now when she takes her medicine. I wonder how typical she is. People tend not to talk about it much, so it's hard to separate reality from propaganda on this issue.

Honestly, I'm only concerned about the incurable stuff. I don't think it's a big deal to take an antibiotic for a week or two and have a little burning when I pee. I've lived through that a few times. And I don't worry too much about AIDS/HIV because it's hard to get if you use condoms. That's a fragile virus, just the opposite of the herpes virus.

That was an interesting site because its whole point of view is different from what I find on American medical web sites. The last section on the main page has a spin that you never hear from a mainstream doctor in the USA. I like that perspective. Thanks for the link!

I'm currently in a closed relationship with my boyfriend and one other couple. We all get tested once a year, before our first adventure weekend of the spring. That arrangement seems to work well for all four of us. It allows for some limited fooling around, with no medical risk, and no need for condoms. A deal like that is hard to work out, and my younger friend is a long way from being at that point in her life.

What I don't ever want to do is start sounding like a typical parent, and tell her to always do the safest possible thing in every situation. When you start thinking like that, you're just waiting around to die of old age.

 

The fear of child birth will make me put on a condom. Condoms are nice like a really swell seatbelt, you're driving really fast, and then you get to crash without being hurt. Can't beat that, STD's are scary as well though. Warts would be treacherous.

 

It's a tough call. Not using a condom means you've got to trust, not the people you choose as lovers but the people they chose before you. Then you're putting your trust in folks you have no idea who they are or what they're like.

Generally, if your new to a lover and don't know them all that well, use a condom. If it's someone you have a history with, then use your own judgement. But they are excellent birth control. I knew too many guys who died of AIDS back in the day (and a few women).

 

...unless you both get tested. After that, you are only trusting that they don't have secret partners on the side. Asking somebody to get tested can be a bit awkward, almost like an acusation sometimes. Also, it's hard to decide when is the right time in a relationship to bring that up. I like to do it early because I hate dealing with condoms and safe sex practices, especially with oral sex. In the last five years, I can think of only one case where I trusted the other person's word about being clean and healthy, and that probably wasn't a smart idea. I'd rather know for sure, so I can stop thinking about it.

 

You stupid, stupid person! HIV and Hep C will not be detected unless you ask to be tested for them. Both can be in your system for a very long time before symptoms show. So just because you do not have warts on your penis or some annoying fucking discharge does not mean that you are not catching and transmitting something really shit to some unsuspecting partner. How irresponsible are you?

 

I don't recall the poster saying he doesn't get stds testing regularly?

 

In my fluid bonded group, the standard is to have a safer sex discussion before having unprotected oral sex or intercourse, whether protected or not. If my intention is to get sexual with someone, I think the first date is the time to have the discussion, or if it's not in a "dating" context, when you start talking about wanting to have sex. The elements of the discussion are, generally, (1) when, and for what, was his/her last STD test; (2) what have they done, sexually, since then; and (3) what are their general sexual practices. And I share the same information about myself.

If the person has been having unprotected sex with people since their last test, I'd say that until they are tested again, we'll stick to getting each other off with our hands.

 

This made me revisit my practices years ago. Back then, "safe sex" meant asking your partner if he/she was clean and disease-free before penetration. The practice of asking that question was actually promoted as being the definition of safe sex. The "asking scenario" was often discussed in magazines and open-minded TV shows. Simply asking for a confirmation of being clean was considered being responsible. Of course it all depended on how open and honest your partner was. When I was standing there with a raging erection and she was naked with her legs spread and her pussy staring me in the face, she could have said she was 51% sure she was clean and I would have gone for it. In other words, I wasn't always thinking with my head - at least not the right head.

Nonetheless, I would ask the question, she'd say she was clean, and based on nothing more than that quick exchange I'd plow into her pussy. For the most part, the only diseases of concern were syphilis and gonorrhea, which could be cured by taking antibiotics. AIDS was still in 3rd world countries and many thought it would never spread to the "civilized countries." Herpes somehow had the reputation of being an STD that only occurred in the "over 30 swingers community," and was essentially unheard of on college campuses. In other words, the risk did not seem that great if somebody did not tell the truth about their sexual cleanliness.

Bottom line: It's not that way today.

 

this has always been a pertinent question for me. especially since i got the clap at 19 from the second girl i ever had sex with. i was in a 2 yr. relationship with my first who had many previous lovers. so the disease (and boy, it was not fun) put that possibility in my head to this day. it was not enough to convince me to use protection 100% of the time, but it was enough to make me worry every time. and those viruses don't just wave a red light at you...i also caught hep c from my only iv drug experiment, so don't try that either.

 

The fear of catching something definitely stops me from doing some things. My favourite fantasy is to let a whole group of people use me for a whole night (both guys and gals) so I'm left covered and filled with their cum. As much as I would love to do this, I think the risk is just way too high so it will always remain a fantasy

 

I do not always use a condom. I am not happy with myself about it. I do at first, but then it starts to rub and not feel good. It also causes irritation. I know that sounds stupid compared to an STD. I have never had an STD (knock on wood) My biggest fear would be herpes, and that is not helped by a condom....... I agree that no one wants to talk about it....

 

I think that HIV should scare you more than herpes...

 

In terms of medical consequences, I agree. However, HIV is less common and much harder to catch. Condoms do a great job with HIV, not so much with herpes. These days, the typical slut is eventually going to catch herpes, but not HIV.

 

Karen_J,
Is is possible that you are becoming a cautious old lady? Make that "growing to become a wise elder"?

(I'll bet you drive more carefully than you did in your youth, too.)