I have a 13 yr old boy. He is a pretty ave. kid, gives me the normal 13 yr old lip but nothing horrible, doesnt call me names or use bad language in front of me, doesnt smoke weed or do drugs or drink. The only problem I have with him is normally his grades (everything was an f) and trying to half ass his chores. The real problem is his dad, who was abusive to me physically and mentally while we were married , he now thinks he can do a better job and is pressureing my son into moving in with him even though my son has made it clear he doesnt want to. His dad has told him over the phone that he had 15 minutes to decide to move in with him or he was done with him forever...things like that just to mess with his head. It tears me up to watch him sob on the phone and tell his dad that is a hard decision to make in 15 minutes. I have never known him to be abusive physically to my son but the emotional is just as bad and I dont even know what to do anymore. I am not allowed by law to not let him go over to his dads house (that really is my sons decision anyway he is old enough to decide) so what can i do?
420, would it really be a bad thing if his dad was done with him? There is no need to have him subjected to that torture. His dad is using the same kind of abuse on the kid as he used on you. If he gets the chance it will escelate into physical violence. When his dad starts acting like an ass on the phone, hang it up. You have the upper hand, use it.
If my ex tried to pull that crap with my kid, I'd tell him to go screw himself. Mental abuse is still abuse and he can have his child visitation privileges revoked for it. Remind the bastard of that little fact. Take the kid to a psychologist and have them write a letter stating that the father is a detriment to his mental health. Then set a court date to have the custody arrangements revised. I am a really nice person. Both of my exes have been very lucky to have someone of my type as their opposition. I don't push for child support and I let them see their kids whenever they want to. However, when it comes to damaging my children, I draw the line. If you are gonna fuck with my kid, I will make you sorry. If you want to see that child, then you'd better treat him like gold, or I will yank that carpet right out from under you. Ex number 1 knows this, first hand. He decided that he wanted to be a twice a year father, when my son was little. I told him that he could either be an active parent, or none at all. He chose none at all, for several years. He finally turned around (after many broken promises) and started building a real relationship with his son. A bit more than a year ago I allowed my boy to go live with him. He is 16 now. Being a jerk to you, the ex, is one thing. But he should not be allowed to be a jerk to his son. If that had been my son on the phone, I would have taken it out of his hand and proceeded to shred the ex up one side and down the other. How dare he do that? My final words to him before I hung up on his stupid ass would have been: "Well, your son is getting off the phone now, so I guess you won't have your answer within 15 minutes. Luckily for him, he won't have to deal with your stupid shit, ever again!" Make my baby cry, weasel prick bastard...
Quit dealing with your ex all together. Your son will come out a lot less fucked up by having nothing to do with an abusive father than by being put in his care, if even for short periods at a time.
When I was 13 I was having a hard tim in school and it was because of things going on at home..I just didnt realize it then. Anyways...I think a good thing to do in this situation is..one check his homework every night to make sure its finished and correct and that he knows what it all means..like review it with him...then make sure he knows that its going to pay off for him. I mean you can expect him to go from f's to as right away but you can expect c's and b's out of him. Ask him why he's having so much trouble in school..what's causing him to blow it off. There may be some stuff in him he's keeping to himself. My parents didnt know half the stuff I was doing baclk then...well a bit older I guess...but still. Even looking at a lot of teens on this site alone you can see tons of tehm are doing drugs and having sex and their parents are clueless. As for his dad..he should no say he'll never see him again ever. that's very intense for a kid...he really will take that personaly. Your son is probably very sad over the fact that his dad said that to him. Ever tried counceling? Good luck.
My sentiments exactly! That is just disgusting and abusive, stressing the poor kid out like that. Giving the child an ultimatum like that isn't about love, it's about control. Your kid probably would be better off, for now, if he didn't have to be subjected to this emotional abuse. Of course, it will still be stressful having a dad that's acting like such a prick, but no contact for now will be better than the stress his dad is putting him through. Your kid is old enough, too, that a judge would consider his opinion. AutumnAuburn is right. You can have your kid evaluated by a counselor and have it taken into consideration by the court that his father is being abusive. Bring this to your ex's attention. Good luck.
