Hey gang, You guys and gals gotta help me out here. I'm 22, in a monogamous (sp?) long-term, sexual relationship. So far so good. BUT... I have no sex drive. Well not "no" sex drive, but the kind of sex drive where I'm happy to have it a couple of times a month! This is NOT good. My bf and I just had this really open talk about how he feels that because I have a low sex drive, it's like I'm not into doing stuff with him, like it reflects on him and he's not making me happy - none of this is true! But I need to find a way to improve my sex drive. It's not like I don't like messing around and having sex... but the last few months I've just felt so blah, like "wow, that seems like a lot of work" and I just wait for him to initiate something, and then go with it. *sigh* Are their any foods or scents or something? (No I'm not into any scary herbal things lol) I'm on birth control and anti-depressants, and I know those can lower sex drive a lot... how to counteract things? I want to be all hot and heavy lol it's fun! But I can't because my honestly don't feel like it. So come on, who has some suggestions for a poor girly???
Try going to this website, www.sexpert.com That might help with some tips to help with getting you more in the mood for sex. There is a lot of information on there. Maybe it will help. Best of luck!
Could Be stress, Stress in your everyday life can effect your drive for sex. also it can cause anal bleeding :O So reflect, see if you have been under alot of stress lately, sometimes you might not even reliez it until the physical signs manafest themselves. If thats not it, throw in something exciting, like a third person.. My hrs are Monday- Friday all night long..... too cheese? Anyhow, Gl!
Hey Super Grrl, I know how you feel. I'm on an anti-depressant to treat to PTSD and PPD but it is also used to treat patients with premature ejaculation and delay orgasms. Not a great side effect for myself. I love my husband, but I almost dread having sex anymore because I feel such worry and anxiety about whether I'm going to be able to orgasm and enjoy myself, because I will be riding on the brink of orgasm for what seems like forever, and it's frustrating because I just want it to happen! It all feels great, but it's like my body won't let go or something. I was not like this prior to taking my medication. A lot of times during sex, my mind is racing, I'm thinking about the kids, about things I need to get done, problems in the family, and so on. That definitely doesn't help matters. Plus to be honest, it (sex) all leads to the same thing and I'm so exhausted half the time that I would rather just cuddle and go to sleep. I am looking into going off of my med (under my doctor's supervision of course) because I can't stand this anymore. I've been on this medication since May of 2003, but I was increased to a higher dose some months later. Ever since, things have been very difficult for me sexually. I am finally at the point where I'm so frustrated with these side effects that I'm ready to call it quits with my med and hopefully be able to do just fine without it. When I miss a few doses, my libido seems to kick back in, and sex is more enjoyable, orgasm is more easy. I want to be like that more often again. I have been so bothered by this lately that I've spent time wondering if it's really my medication or if there's something wrong with me. I've wondered if I should talk to someone, because my sex drive also dropped once I was told I would be unable to have anymore children due to me being at such a high risk. This whole sex thing really upsets me, and I've cried about it alone. I feel abnormal, like a freak or something. I feel like a failure, and I feel like I'm hurting my husband, although he says he understands why things are the way they are. We have sex usually 1-2 times a week, sometimes more, but most of the time I have to force myself to for his sake, because I just don't have much desire. I love him with all of my heart, and I think he is absolutely beautiful, but to me, at least right now, my desire level is hovering near the freezing level. I know I probably didn't help you at all, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Hugs.
Hippychickmommy, why do you always make me feel so much better??? Your kids must adore you, you always know what to do. ((((Hugs)))) I too often feel I'm alone. My friends all have these amazing sex lives, and I admit that it gets frustrating. I know what you mean, too, about being on the brink of orgasm and have it not happen. It's upsetting. I guess sometimes it gets to the point that I don't want him to touch me, because it probably won't work... that's selfish, I know, because I should still be there for him. I wish I could be excited about sex again... has anything worked for you?? I can't go off my meds yet... *sigh*
Aww, I'm blushing. I'm glad I can make you feel better! I know what you mean about the not wanting to be touched out of fear it just won't work anyway. I get like that too. Sometimes my hubby will go to touch me and I'll be thinking in my head "oh no, here we go" and it's like I've already defeated myself before anything has been done, which doesn't help matters at all. I think that positive thinking can help with that, telling yourself that you DO want more sex, that you're a sexy vixen, and that you WILL come. I've also noticed that when I initiate sex, such as out of the blue saying to my hubby "hey, let's pull a quickie" that it puts less pressure on myself because I figure I'm just wanting to pleasure him and I don't have the worry of whether or not I'll have orgasms, because it's supposed to be fast, and for his benefit! I nearly always end up having the most awesome orgasms then, because I'm just feeling more like "whatever happens, happens". Usually those quickies end up giving me multiple orgams, which is always fun. Funny how I don't even plan on having any, and I end up having quite a few. Still, it's hard when he's wanting some in the evenings, because for one, my sex drive is low, and two, I'm worn out from taking care of the kids all day, cooking, cleaning, giving baths, the never ending laundry, stuff like that. Sex is the last thing I want to do at the end of the day usually. I prefer early morning or afternoon sex. Actually, I prefer any time but the evening, but due to having the kids around, and my hubby's work schedule, we can't always do that. So evenings are when he makes the moves usually, and then I have a hard time. How long have you been on your med? I don't know your history with anti-depressants and whether or not this is the "one pill" that has helped more than any others (that's why I'm on mine, it's the only one that really helped) but maybe there might be something else that might not hurt your libido as much. I know that many anti-depressants are guilty of that, which really sucks because although you may be helping one part of your life, you're sometimes hurting another. Hugs.
I've been on Effexor for a year and a half.. I'm actually in the process of being weaned off, so right now I'm at the lowest dose, which is good. I've noticed some improvement from going from the higher dose to the smaller dose, so that's encouraging. Fortunately my boyfriend is understanding, but it doesn't help me feel any better about myself, you know? I think I'm going to try your quickie suggestion... spontaneous, so I don't have time to defeat myself with negative thoughts. As always hippychickmommy, thanks for the wisdom You rock!
I kind of have the same problem. My sex drive use to be in overdrive. My hubby, then BF could not keep up with me. Twice a day was not enough sometimes. But then I had a kid, and my husband started working at night. And as much as I liked sex, sleep seems so much more important. We still have sex 2 or 3 times a week, which everyne tells me is still really good, but I don't know I (and hubby) would like my sex drive to be kicked up a notch. I hardly ever inishate (sp) any more, which is a big complaint from hubby. But I just keep reminding him that it could be worse and we still have sex more than alot of other married coulpes do. We are already having "date night" but that is only because we only have sex on the weekend when he dose not have to work...
It's the anti-depressant. They are notorious for sexual side effects. Girl, at your age, I was tearing the clothes off men. I think it's definetly the meds.
OMG, I'm on Effexor too! Effexor XR. That's crazy that we're on the same med and having the same problems. Wow. Talk about a small world. *lol* Hugs.
We're kind of in the same boat too I think. Exhaustion. *lol* Aren't you pregnant? I know with my pregnancy with my oldest son, my libido was really, really in high gear. I wanted it all of the time. But with my pregnancy with my twins, I had next to no desire, probably because I could barely turn myself in bed without major pain. My OB used to tease me that he hoped for my sake that I didn't carry my twins to 40 weeks, because he didn't know where I'd put them. *lol* I have a small torso and I'm 5'3", and it was really hard carrying twins. I was miserable my third trimester. Anyway, pregnancy can affect libido quite a bit. The hormones and such. Plus you're exhausted from everything that is going on inside your body, and not to mention caring for your little girl, the house, chores, work, etc. I used to have such a high sex drive BK (before kids) that my husband could barely keep up to my sexual demands, because HE was tired! But that still never stopped him. Now my sex drive is hit and miss. I know it's pretty normal to go through this type of stall when you have little ones around because it's a lot of work, but hopefully, as they get older, my libido will be kick back in, especially since I haven't even hit my so-called "prime" yet. Hugs.
Argh me too!!! It always seems like its going to take a lot of time and its going to be so difficult to get the ball rolling so to speak and then theres all the pressure about how to do it, and make it interesting and I'm always to tired or too busy or too stressed and just want to go to bed in my trackpants and sleep rather than have sex. I mean I likethe idea of sex, very much, but its all so hard these days. It always hurts and then I cant when I want to because of the pain and ARGH!!!!
I think this kind of frustration is what sometimes make people feel the need to fake it because it will just take too much time and energy to "get there". I've never faked it (my hubby knows when I'm having a hard time because I'm very vocal about it and I vent my frustration because hey, I love having orgasms, and when it just won't happen no matter what we do, I get pissed! Not at him, but at myself!) but anyway, I can now understand why some people feel the need to fake orgasms, because they don't want it to be known that they're having a problem getting there, and most of the time it's within themselves, not what their partner is doing. They don't want to hurt their partner, so they suffer in silence, and that's probably the worst thing to do! Even though my husband understands things with me, I still feel humiliated in a way. Like, what's wrong with me? I was never like this before. At times he seemed worried and asked if I still loved him, if I still found him attractive. I felt awful, because yes, I totally adore him and I find him sexy as hell, but I just don't have that sexual urge, and I know it's my medication and I know it's exhaustion, but I still feel like "what's wrong with me?" It's like, even when you know what the reasons are, you still feel frustrated. Much peace.
I know, that many couples have different temperaments. I also had low libido. And I founded way out this problem. I began to take Sentia pills and don’t remember a longer pause than a few days when I didn’t make love with my boyfriend. I think, that these pills certainly have something to do with it.
