Debate: Intimacy and Sex in a relationship: Same or 2 different things?

Hey

Thought I'd ask your views on a revelation my husband recently made to me.

He said he thinks that intimacy (which he sees as kisses and cuddles) are different than sex (the act, more 'porn-like' in his mind...) in a relationship and uses that explanation to justify his low sex drive...

What are your views on intimacy and sex in a relationship/married? Do you think they are pr should be separate things? Could you carry on with only one of the two in your relationship?

I think that's a big red flag that screams either:
a) that's a load of tosh and he's not into me
b) he's got intimacy issues (and refuses to talk about them)
c) he's a closet
d) he's lazy and selfish
e) he's a porn addict
f) any other option!
g) all of the above!

Let the debate begin!

 

I'd go with G, all of the above. But A is a bit iffy..

and while I recognize that all people are different in tastes and personal likes and dislikes, I'd say that both intimacy and sex should be expected out of any sort of serious relationship and if theres not both, theres some problems which need to either be addressed or the involved parties need to find other options in life provided one is not happy with the arrangement as it stands.

 

Good ol' Fritz, I've added that option!
I hear you mate...Need to strip down all the options before I can make an informed decision...!

 

I think you're just Baiting me with this comment.

 

i think they are separate and may also overlap.
as far as me making any judgments on your husband, i don't feel that's appropriate or fair.

how's that for an answer

 

I agree with DazedGypsy: sex and intimacy are different but they do overlap.

 

In the context of codependencies, it is different. Codependency inhibits sex.

But, now that I think of it, it's also a fake intimacy...so, I couldn't agree with the statement in the context of a codependency, either.

If he's like me, he's into you, but also into other women. And that's the rub...monogamy is cramping his style.

 

Interesting Cherea because I do think he's codependent. Thanks for your post x

 

You're welcome, and I wish you the best of luck.

 

Where do I start? I am a male in my mid 50,s ,was married 30 yrs to 1st wife, sex not very good or often in later years, divorced, married #2 about 5 yrs ago, she still wants sex regularly, I do not. I began to realize a couple yrs into the marriage that I am very bored with ordinary sex, and would like to add a partner or two, preferably male, I have tried oral sex with another man and would like to continue doing this and would give anything to share my wife with another man sexually as well as exploring my obvious bi side. I have talked with her in the past when sharing fantasies and she is not willing to share , say,s she can,t wrap her head around it. She knows that I have been with another man once, but I think she just chalked it up to a one time experiment and put it out of her mind, however I think about it daily and have very little interest in " regular man/woman " sex. I wish these strong urges and desires would have surfaced before I married again, but they didn,t and now it puts us both in a difficult situation. I know there are women out there who would probably think this an ideal win win situation, but mine does not, oh well, had to get it off my chest. I believe in Itimacy as in kissing,hugging holding hands etc. as one category ( show of affection ) and sex just for the pleasure of it to be a 2nd category, definitly not one and the same. I can love someone and not have sex with them, and just as easily have sex with someone I do not love. If you are having sex with someone you do happen to love that is even better.

 

Sex and intimacy are totally different from one another... although many women often tend to confuse the two as being one and of the same. I know from experience that the two are very different because I've done shoots where I felt no intimacy at all towards the girl that I'm having sex with.

When you have sex with someone that you don't want to kiss and do all the things that are associated with intimacy (and thus the intimacy is removed and the sex becomes just sex)... then you'll realize the difference. And then when you have sex with someone in a truly intimate manner, it's totally different, and it's fucking amazing!

 

Hey Barbatruka
I have this same issue myself at times .I have lost my partner thro illness a 12 month ago and I have now started to seek a new partner .In so doing I am now playing the field a little to find the right one ,but in doing so I am experiencing the thoughts that sex and relationships do go hand in hand but good sex is something that you can experience on its own.This is a dilema if you are in a relationship as it is very difficult for me to pesruade myself its ok but to find a woman with the same tought is very difficult.