Shhhh Listen I have something to say. Hush Be quiet Softly as it may. I want paint on my fingers And grass stains on my clothes. I want nature to evolve me with this dirt beneath my toes. Stop looking out. Go dance. The earth is free. It's what we should live by. It's beyond us....up above us...all around us, can't you see? Please. Let me finish. Read between the lines. Your loud and thoughtless, Look. This is just what makes me shine. Understand me. Please. We can share the earth. I will let you see...all the parts of me... exposed in it's light.
I think you have something beautiful here, though I myself would just rework it a little bit, try and throw in 2 more images like "paint on my fingers" and "grass stains on y clothes" why I thought were very fresh and beautiful. They add a certain body to the poem, which stretches a little thinner after that part. Just my opinion.
Shhhh Listen I have something to say. Hush Be quiet Softly as it may. I want paint on my fingers And grass stains on my clothes. I want flowers enclosed around me And the dirt beneath my toes. Stop looking out. Go dance. The earth is free. It's our own little playground. And I'm swinging from tree to tree. It's beyond us....and around us...it was before us, can't you see? Please. Let me finish. Read between the lines. Your loud and thoughtless, Look. This is just what makes me shine. I'm pouring out all of my colors I'm watching them all as they splatter My canvas is the sky, I wish I had a ladder. Understand me. Please. We can share the earth. I will let you see...all the parts of me... exposed in it's light. I don't know, I tried to add a little more 'body'
Thus the picture is close to perfection. Tweak your imagery a little. Youre almost there. Magic quivers on your fingertips.
