My Wife with Gay Men advice/question

I am seeking advice from gay men or women who have romantic or strong emotional relationships with a straight woman (particularly married), that are more than just "friendly" in nature. I apologize if my post here is a bit long winded. I just wanted to fully express my thoughts and explain the situation, so that any gracious person willing to give advice could have a better grasp on it before replying. My advice question will come at the end.

I am a married man (15 years) and have several children with my wife. We lead a fairly normal life, not too complex. If you were to put us on a chart, as far as marriage, I would say we fall directly in the median. I have never doubted for one second, my wife's love, loyalty or faithfullness. She has never done, said or acted differently to lead me to believe anything but that. I have never found anything around the normal avenues of our life, that would lend clues to her being unfaithful.

Recently, my wife has been spending a lot of time with her friends, most also married like her. I have no problems at all with her going out. She missed a lot of fun being a mother all these years and any time I am not working, she goes out without question when she can. Her friends have gay friends (men) so they usually go to gay bars after dinner or a show and stay late into the morning hours having fun. I have seen photos on facebook of their last 2-3 adventures out and the more recent ones are what have me now confused and with question. The recent ones contain "racy" photos of some of the girls in her group, with ripped open shirts and mens hands reaching around from behind them, pulling down their bras to expose almost everything. There are a lot of photos of gay men grabbing the girls and doing strip tease acts, grinding on them, kissing them and simulating blowjobs to the men. My wife is not in any of these racy photos and Im wondering if she didnt partake or has just made certain that none of these photos have found their way onto facebook. I should also add that these photos were "hidden" in a secret invisible group on facebook. She is "new" to the group so to speak, so it tends me to believe that the other wive's arent quite afraid of their husbands seeing their photos, since they have been friends with these guys for a long time. I also think that if she did, my wife would have made it very clear to keep her photos off, since she is on the shy side and because of my feelings. She did have a few photos of herself that contained her hugging up on men and one where a crossdresser kissed her breast, just above her nipple, leaving a lipstick mark.

If i had just seen the photos, then maybe I would not be asking for advice. But she acted very different, both before the night in question and the few days after. Before she went out that last night, she wore an extremely low cut shirt and this came on the heels after her and friends had a conversation about how much gay men love boobs and cleavage. She also seemed to be "walking on eggshells" the day after and was very quiet and reserved. I then started to to see conversations on her facebook page which were filled with inuendo and double meaning about their nights out, things that never were said prior. When she goes out, she likes to text me back and forth from time to time during the evening. This particular night, I would text her and more and more time would expire between her replies.

I finally confronted her about the photos and conversations and of course, like a stupid straight male, handled it completely wrong. She was very defensive and kept using, "their gay guys dont worry...its nothing, they are harmless" as her reply. She looked petrified when I told her I saw the photos and I didnt know whether or not it was because she was just angry or worried that i might have seen a photo, that either she didnt realize was on facebook or one that she thought her friends deleted before me seeing it. A few days later, I confronted her in a much better, friendly way and explained to her that i was not worried that she cheated, but rather more jealous that she has been around this kind of behavior and that she can open up the way she does to new friends and not with me, when I have attempted time and time before for her to do so.

Ok...i think I have probably explained the situation as well as possible. I do not think she is engaging in actual sexual activity or has someone on the "side". Maybe I am naive in thinking this, but I truly believe she is not doing that. My question is this: is it common for married women to engage like this with gay men and is it also common for relationships to develop (more than just friends) between gay men and straight women, due to the fact there is less sexual tension and that, like my wife stated, gay men seem "harmless" in the context of their actions and from her believing this, intital emotions , touching and kissing may seem normal which may lead to things going further and further without stopping to think this is wrong.

Any help, advice or comments from experience would be greatly appreciated. Please understand I am not generalizing gay men here, although it may sound that way. I apologize if it does. Thanking anyone ahead of time for their help!

 

Hello new poster welcome to hip.

I can see this is really bothering you so i will take the time to explain my experinces wiv the gay community.
I am a straight single female, i have been in a relationship wiv a man who had little undertanding of the gay scene and this issue has come up before in my personal life.
.
Firstly may I just add your wife is 'new' to partying this may make her a little quiet after having a 'racey' night suddenly shes playing wiv the grown ups again and its all very exciting. She may even feel a little guilty, even when she has nothing to be guilty about. Looking after children and a husband can close you off a bit, i would suggest she is discovering herself and sounds a very good way to do it!
What is harmless fun can look like its out of control, but really your wife is in good hands wiv her friends and what a brilliant way to enjoy yourself and even feel liberated in the hands of gay men!

Facebook captures some pictures that are just in the moment not the whole nights events, pic's are usually taken when people do silly things the camera comes out naturally!

Gay men are very flamboyant they see no problem in talking about or touching the female form because to them it doesnt mean anything in a directly sexual way.
They have fun wiv the stigma attached to it and play it up more so for married women-
I guess the time has come she wants a little bit more of a private life and its hard for you as you have both been very close.

My advice is make a special night once a week to spend together, maybe you yourself can find something to do thats of interest to you. Then you can both talk about what you have been up too or enjoy the fact you have discovered a little bit more of yourself thats just for you.
I feel if your wife felt there was anything truely wrong in what she is doing, she would be the first one to leave!
The way I see it, this is the next phase in a forever growing relationship, i wish you many years of happiness on your future journey!
You sound a kind lovely concerned man, may you lead many men in your example. Good to know your out there
xxx

 

Just a defense mechanism, note that conversation comes from just the females, and if done in front of you main intent is possibly to get you a little angry / jealous, or just to reassure themselves they've still got it.

Of course the truthful answer is something we are never going to say to them, its just really mean face to face.

I'm more than familiar with the type of environment you are talking about, not for me, not for a lot of gay guys: the hens night out, some of them wriggle up to guys they know arent going to bight back, shake it shake it, we smile, give them some kind of compliment to let them know they've still got it, they beam.

I wouldnt worry about it, its just a phase, it'll end when she and her friends realise its all fake.

To me and some of us its just really annoying, also annoying is making a new female friend who is normal until the boyfriend / hubby enters the picture, then personality changes and she starts using one of us to try get the boyfriend jealous. At the end of the night her and boyfriend have a huge dramatic fight and then go home to have hot makeup sex, somehow managing to make the boyfriend guilty and me the bad guy, when the plan all along was for her to get hot hot makeup sex.

As for you, what is really the concern? Thats she's cheating on you? A co worker you have never heard of is probably a bigger threat, than this, I wouldnt worry about this she wouldnt let her guard down if she thought any of these guys would try anything serious.

Has your sex life diminished since this new activities have started or does she race home at the end of the night to impale herself on her hubby, If its the former get a little jealous on purpose, even if you have to fake it, she wants you a little more angry (in a controlled way) its a lot more masculine and really whats hottest to them (and us for that matter )

If you are more worried about bonding closer with other guys, this is just sort of the female version of the mid life crisis, find more exciting stuff for the two of you to do, some physical activity where she can shake it, Rockclimbing, Couples Tennis, or take dance lessons, of the more masculine variety

 

I am a gay male and my group of friends hangs around a few other gay people. When we are drunk and partying things like this always happen. I don't think it is anything to get upset about. Some people do get very upset by stuff like this, which sometimes has its ground because provacative behavior can get quite annoying. But I think that a lot of gay males, and somewhat myself included, think that breasts are just breasts and they are nothing to get exited about, and that is why they like to touch them. It is in humor. Afterall, it is just skin. I know a lot of gay males like this. They even make out with girls all the time, but they don't get turned on by it. It just makes them feel hot or something. Or, they are just drunk and get carried away all in the name of fun...