LOL : "best of craigslist: Stripper Rant"

jmt · Apr 11, 2010

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/145791048.html

1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words.

33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

35) Hey DJ! You suck!

36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.
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wild-flowers · Apr 11, 2010

Lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

auri_rain · Apr 11, 2010

:smilielol5:

Sadhu · Apr 11, 2010

haha ty for posting this

DazedGypsy · Apr 11, 2010

oh god.. i can really appreciate that hahahhaa

wild-flowers · Apr 12, 2010

The part where she talks about thin shorts/pants and a really hard boner was hot...oh god I love boners

DazedGypsy · Apr 12, 2010

i do too, but in certain contexts it's just not as cool or hot haha

jmt · Apr 12, 2010

wild-flowers said:

The part where she talks about thin shorts/pants and a really hard boner was hot...oh god I love boners
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I think this is a recollection of rants from different strippers.

brack1936 · Apr 12, 2010

Classic!!! I used to work with strippers so I had an extra big laugh!! You could see they were thinking everything in the article.

inextesie · Apr 12, 2010

Hahahahaah.

The Imaginary Being · Apr 12, 2010

LMAO, That was funny.

However, Candi definitely had a thing for me. I know this because she told me and I believe her.

Jennifer19 · Apr 12, 2010

That is way to long for me to read

jmt · Apr 12, 2010

Jennifer19 said:

That is way to long for me to read
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then you fail.

SweetBlasphemy · Apr 12, 2010

haaaaaaaaaaaaahaaha

Jennifer19 · Apr 12, 2010

jmt said:

then you fail.
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I guess so

jmt · Apr 12, 2010

jennifer19 said:

i guess so
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ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

KingRooster · Apr 12, 2010

Nice. I laughed a ton.

Just a daily toke · Apr 12, 2010

Jennifer19 said:

That is way to long for me to read
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it was worth it!

lol at the dime sac part yeah you cheif that oregano strippa

brack1936 · Apr 13, 2010

I only read some of it - I'll finish it later. On another note I made a stripper wet once. She showed me too.

jmt · Apr 13, 2010

brack1936 said:

I only read some of it - I'll finish it later. On another note I made a stripper wet once. She showed me too.
Click to expand...

they get wet for everyone.

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LOL : "best of craigslist: Stripper Rant"

jmt Ezekiel 25:17

wild-flowers forever arbitrary

auri_rain Olá!Eu sou alto como uma.

Sadhu Member

DazedGypsy fire

wild-flowers forever arbitrary

DazedGypsy fire

jmt Ezekiel 25:17

brack1936 Member Lifetime Supporter

inextesie Give us what ya got

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Jennifer19 Senior Member

jmt Ezekiel 25:17

SweetBlasphemy Senior Member

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jmt Ezekiel 25:17

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LOL : "best of craigslist: Stripper Rant"

jmt Ezekiel 25:17

wild-flowers forever arbitrary

auri_rain Olá!Eu sou alto como uma.

Sadhu Member

DazedGypsy fire

wild-flowers forever arbitrary

DazedGypsy fire

jmt Ezekiel 25:17

brack1936 Member Lifetime Supporter

inextesie Give us what ya got

The Imaginary Being PAIN IN ASS Lifetime Supporter

Jennifer19 Senior Member

jmt Ezekiel 25:17

SweetBlasphemy Senior Member

Jennifer19 Senior Member

jmt Ezekiel 25:17

KingRooster Senior Member

Just a daily toke Senior Member

brack1936 Member Lifetime Supporter

jmt Ezekiel 25:17

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