I haven't found a forum called friendship, but I guess relationships is close enough So... I just realized something about me, and the way I live, and how I'm so internally deranged by my lack of friends. And I mean good, real friends you can talk to when you're depressed, with whom you won't be afraid to exchange deep emotions, may it be laughter or bursting into tears. Last time I had a friend like that was when I was 13. Shit. The problem that I can see is, I belong to many groups of friends and classmates and whatever, let's call them gangs. Gang A thinks I fool around and go out with Gang B, Gang B thinks I fool around and go out with Gang C, Gang C thinks I fool around and go out with Gang D, and Gang D thinks I fool around and go out with Gang A. As a result, I'm not going out with no one; no one really wants me in, nor takes any steps towards bringing me closer to the group(steps which usually fails when I try, for various reasons... usually because I don't know all their codes and etiquettes and I get put apart). I'm lonely. :grouphug: :toetap05: How do I fix this?
My advice: out of all these 'gangs,' choose the one or two people you really like and try to get to know them better. Becoming part of a group can be tricky, and will probably happen anyway if you become good friends with one or two of its members.
I agree here. It is hard for people to really get to know you when they are hanging out with a bunch of people they are already friends with. They will have a ton to talk about and you won't get their jokes etc. But if you get to know an individual from a group, it may be easier for that one person to get to know you and the other members of the group will see that you are worth getting to know and hopefully begin to accept and get to know you. Personally, I find it very difficult to make friends with groups. And really I don't need a whole group. I have two best friends and they are awesome. Though it would be nice to have a wider social circle, I think that the friends I do have are closer to me than I could allow a bunch of people to be.
As Zorba and MissEmma have already said, try not to bond with a whole group, or I suppose in your case groupS, of people all at once. Sometimes it works out that way, but often times the opposite tends to occur. I think the key is to treat people as individuals with different ideas rather than a particular "gang" of people as a whole. You have to attempt to connect with each and/or selected individual(s) and see if you and the other party can get on the same wave length. This can be very difficult to achieve if you're jumping right into a group of people in the hope to "fit in". People don't use the saying "one at a time" for no valid reason, so to speak. Another thing you might want to keep in mind is, friends may come and go. This concept may be a little unsettling, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing. It could happen because a friend is no longer on the same wave length with you, or it could be because they downright betrayed you. Some friends simply drift away. Sometimes we all must go our own separate ways. But new friends enter your life. Sometimes some of the old friends stick around, or the new ones may replace your old ones completely. But that's life. The most important thing is that you surround yourself with good people. Sooner or later, you'll know who the true friends, and who the phony ones are. True friends will influence your life in positive ways, just like you influence their lives in the same manner. Those are the friends you keep. Then you'll see that it's really not about "this group" and "that group", but that it's about each of those individuals and how well you connect with them. That's what I think based on my personal experience, anyway.
