So, I'm pretty much brand spankin' new to these forums and have been reading a lot of posts to see if maybe someone else has been going what I'm going through, but have yet to find anyone. Anyway, first off, I'm gay, well, I'm pretty sure I am. I've never found women attractive, at least in that way, and I've always found men attractive. I was so sure I was gay that I came out to two of my friends in the last month. However, ever since I've come out it seems as though I now find men less attractive than I used to. I still find them attractive, but I don't know, just feels like I'm not as gay as I thought? But my feelings for women haven't changed either. I've thought, maybe, since I've tried to act straight all my life and convince myself that I shouldn't be in relationships with other guys and all sorts of other bullshit due to my religious upbringing, that maybe, even though I've thought that I've accepted myself, maybe I haven't fully accepted? Maybe I'm reverting to my old thinking? Is my mind playing tricks on me? I feel like I'm almost slipping into a state where I find neither men nor women attractive. I don't know what's going on honestly, and I was all prepared to come out to more people, but I feel like, should I? I mean, I don't know. It's all been very confusing and I honestly feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. Don't know if anyone else has gone through something like this or not, but would be great to know I'm not alone and that I'm not going crazy.
is it a general thing or particular as well? any particular guy you thought was attractive before --when you think about him now do you find him unattractive?
You're just having trouble coming out. For some reason something is holding you back, and you are hanging on to your 'old self' if it were, for fear of losing your comfort zone. You need to commit to your acceptance, and be happy about being gay, then you will slowly start to not feel maybe even guilty for liking the same sex. My source- gay childhood friend. Came in and out of the closet, ultimately had to accept his fate. Maybe you are the same as him, you never mentioned what your family or friends have said about your homosexuality and even if they know about it. Good luck.
Being "gay" really describes your sexual and possibly even your social behavor. Finding some men attractive is one thing. Acting upon those impulses and establishing a pattern of sexual behavior in order to satisfy them is quite another. The main purpose of coming out is to let your environment know what your pattern of sexual behavior really is, hoping that they may act accordingly. If you tell your friends that you are gay they have every right to assume that you are having sex with other men. In your case, saying "I find some men attractive at some times," is more like it. True as this may be, this disclosure does tell them much. I would hold my horses, if I were you. I would also go on and explore my sexuality before making any statements that may or may not come to haunt you later on. Once you have established a relatively constant pattern of sexual behavior, you may choose to share this with your friends. Saying anything else at this point is simply premature. KD
I'm straight - or bi-curious - or undefined -- just to let you know. I think MayQueen was right that you just need to let life run it's course. Sexuality is placed so highly in our society that one can come under quite a bit of pressure. This pressure leads us to do silly things like stress out about our sexual prowess, attractiveness, and orientation. That stress can tend to make one over-focus and over-think about certain pieces of themselves. No matter how much you focus on it, no matter how much you think about it - the answer is there inside of you, and someday it will reveal itself - maybe through a moment of revelation - maybe through a partnership. Until then, just live.
Hey, thanks for all the responses, they have given me a lot to think about, although, Duck, as you said maybe I am over thinking this whole thing. I don't know, I think I'm gonna take both MayQueen's and Duck's advice though and just live my life and not worry about this. Now to answer questions: MayQueen: I am 24 years old. meridianwest: It's just in general. It's not that I find men unattractive, just not as strongly as I once did. If that makes any sense...maybe not. The Imaginary Being: I have only told my two friends and they're completely cool with it, and I don't regret coming out to them at all, it felt right and still feels right. I feel like they're the two closest friends I have in life right now cause they know me for me. Haven't told any of my family about it, but have been wanting to tell my mom for some time. Why her? Cause she's the hardest one to come out to. I, in a sense want to get it out of the way, but also because her and I are so close, I feel that she should be among the first to officially know. I don't know how she will react, I keep hoping that it will be a good reaction, but she's a Christian so it could go in any manner of ways. She's always told me she'll love me no matter what, and in the past hasn't said anything negative about the gay community in general, so who knows.
Don't think she will react overly poorly or any stronger because she is a Christian. I am agnostic atheist and very much against the "fundamentalist" Christians - but I have known some great Christians. I mean Martin Luther King Jr. and Mister Rogers were both preachers =D If you are close, I'm sure all will be fine. I would definitely expect some time to adjust (my mum was in denial about me being atheist for about a year =P), maybe even an initially bad reaction - it's a pretty unexpected thing to hear for most - but I'm sure in the end it will be better off.
I went through a lot of what you're going through. But trust me, it will make sense in time. Accepting who you are takes time, even years. But it will all come together. I remember how hard it was for me to accept that I was gay because of my religion. Looking back on it now. I think that's so silly now because my religion is based on the bible, which says men having sex with men AND eating shrimp are abominations! And this was part of the old testament, which people don't really follow anymore. But at the time, I didn't know that, I just listened to what other people had to say without reading it for myself. There is one part in the new testament (Romans I think) that brings it up in a negative way, but it also says women must remain silent in the church, and the whole thing is really just a letter written by a man who grew up with the laws of the old testament, not Jesus himself (the person Christians are ACTUALLY supposed to follow). It's takes time, but you'll get there. And sexual desire does fluctuate. You're not going to be in the mood all the time. Just listen to what you're body is telling you it likes and you'll figure it all out. Trust me.
