If you had to tell a joke to get into heaven,

what would you tell? in other words, Your happiness depends on your joke being funny. So, whats the funniest joke you've ever heard? lol our class did this excercise and we decided that a giggle is better than an outright laugh, so the strawberry ass joke won.
I'm going to go brainstorm ....

 

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on
the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He
proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after
mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10.We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take
this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12.The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the
Cherry".

13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub,
thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...

14.Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at
St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Holly

 

The only good jokes I know would most definitely prevent me from entering the gates of heaven.

 

All the jokes I know are in Finnish and translating them into English would ruin all the funy stuff.

 

Mine will get me though the pearlies.



What do you call a black man with a p.h.d.






















A doctor you fucking racist. (my favorite joke ever)

 

Ok....I don't know many knee-slapping funny jokes, but I giggle every time I hear this one...

Why did the Oreo go to the doctor?

Cause he felt crumby (crummy) LOL

There's also one about a duck walking into a bar and some olives but.....

Liz