no idea what to call this one, but its for everyone here...

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Spyder, Nov 22, 2004.

  1. Spyder

    Spyder La dah de dah

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    I really rarely post on this forum anymore and i should, so i've compossed this peice for you all, i was thinking about it earlier when i was out walking...and it's just something i felt i had to write...




    A quiet hand in a rush of wind,
    Dark allies and sacred skin.
    In back street paths, at night.
    Where freshly cut grass fills the air
    and the sweeping moon lit clouds
    Stand holy in the sky.


    A light touch full of brushing brillience,
    In dark places and forbidden moments.
    Under moon dazed hillsides
    She kissed my cheek
    Whispered soft words
    and into the night went.
     
  2. Dandelion_Blood

    Dandelion_Blood Gremlin

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    sweet perfection, i think this is a perfect depiction of a midnight romance. It's so sensious and tentative, so carefully put, so delicate which can only servive to reflect the moment which you write about. I feel every thing, i feel apart of such an intimate moment. It's truely beautiful.


    My favourite lines definatly,

    "the sweeping moon lit clouds
    Stand holy in the sky."



    Thats just the most gorgeous description i have heard for the clouds at night and so true!
     
  3. GirlInTheGreenGrass

    GirlInTheGreenGrass Member

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    i was there with you;)
     
  4. KittenX

    KittenX Purrrific

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    First stanza for me was pretty weak compared to the last. It's just too obvious, too many stale descriptors.
    But this...
    [Under moon dazed hillsides
    She kissed my cheek
    Whispered soft words
    and into the night went.]

    As an ending it works wonders for the poem as a whole.
    By the way, it seems you've been saying "I really rarely post on this forum anymore" everytime you do post around here. Hmm well ok.
     
  5. Spyder

    Spyder La dah de dah

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    thanks for your comments

    but whats the last bit supposed to mean?

    its true that i used to post here regularly, but i was a little *too* honest for my own good, something that was resolved
     
  6. KittenX

    KittenX Purrrific

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    What it supposed to mean is....alright, 'we' get it, you don't post here much. That's all. Just wondered why you felt the need to constantly remind everyone that you no longer post here "regularly", I mean, does it really matter? The way you say it, sounds to me like you're just too good for this forum and that's why you "rarely post".

    Sorry if this sounds kinda harsh, but it's been kinda bothering me every time I read one of your replies/post around here.

    *steps off the soap box*
     
  7. Spyder

    Spyder La dah de dah

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    sorry kittenx...
     
  8. KittenX

    KittenX Purrrific

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    No worries.
     
  9. GirlInTheGreenGrass

    GirlInTheGreenGrass Member

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    and then we all thank the forum...:rolleyes:
     
  10. osiris

    osiris Senior Member

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    ...and the night never swallowed so great a morsel, engendered as it was unto the Rosy Dawn.

    eMBeMLaHV! :)
     
  11. malandoris

    malandoris Member

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    :H I feel it, and thats just groovy.:H
     

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