Cognitively Attracted

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by epr7142, May 2, 2010.

  1. epr7142

    epr7142 Member

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    Ok, so i have i problem in my relationship.
    Me and my girlfriend are perfect for each other. Same personalities and values, similar thought patterns and interests and give each other plenty of space.
    I am just not PHYSICALLY attracted to her.
    She is a rather small woman, and has a bone condition which will probably keep her so for a very long time. Slightly taller than me, but very skinny and petite all around. flat-chested.

    We get along great though! i love talking to her and being with her but when we kiss i dont feel it. I dont feel that physical spark ive felt before.

    What i am asking is, " Is physical attraction really that important in a relationship?"
     
  2. boguskyle

    boguskyle kyleboguesque

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    depends on what you're looking for. I think it is important to have some physical attraction. on a scale from 1-10, how would you rate your physical attraction to her?
     
  3. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

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    There is such a thing as friendship and/or causal sex, you know?
     
  4. MissEmma

    MissEmma Member

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    It sounds like maybe it would be better if you were just friends? Or some weird in between where you are friends but who act romantic and just don't have sex. But I don't know. I guess you can't exactly say to a girl, I like you, I even might love you, I just don't want to have sex with you. We don't like to feel unattractive (well, i suppose most people don't enjoy feeling unattractive regardless of gender). But if there is some easier way of easing things into a just friends sort of thing I suppose that may be good.
     
  5. epr7142

    epr7142 Member

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    Yeah i know about being friends and everything. That is how it started out. We chatted over skype and yet we both still had significant others. We both ended up breaking up with ours at a relatively similar time.

    I dont know if i mentioned before, we live 160 miles away from each other!:D
     
  6. Nyxx

    Nyxx HELLO STALKER

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    Maybe if you spent more time together...the distance thing cannot be helping matters much.
     
  7. aidanspops85

    aidanspops85 Member

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    IMO if its a problem that you have to ask help for and is always on your mind then your probably better off as just friends as others stated... in the long run it will probably end up putting a damper on your relationship for the fact that you might run into someone better looking but not as cool or emotionally connected and you just want a quick fling, then BAM, you really fucked it up...some people dont mind the physicality of a relationship while others cant get past it... just depends on what you want... hope things work out for ya
     
  8. Heat

    Heat Smile, it's contagious! :) Lifetime Supporter

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    Sure it is important. If you are that far apart in distance and you are not rather anxious to be together physically, how would you consider even being together all the time.

    I do not think it is all that there is to a relationship but I do think that once the physical goes then the rest does not seem to fare well.

    Hope all works out for both of you.
     
  9. MissEmma

    MissEmma Member

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    I dunno, I think it is possible to have a relationship with a person so long as both parties know and accept it. Also, it seems you would need to define whether that means it is okay to see other, sleep with others, etc. It might be hard to establish the fact that you aren't into the idea of sleeping with her, but if you do want a friend/relationship without sex, it isn't fair to keep her in the dark.
     
  10. CrazyDreamer

    CrazyDreamer Member

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    I think the fact that you posted this shows that the physical aspect is important to you (as it is to a certain extent for most people). We love people and are perfect matches for people who we are not physically attracted to all the time. They are called friends or in some cases best friends. I think what is difficult in your situation is that the two of you are already together. Is it just her body itself that turns you off or does she perhaps not dress nicely or not look pretty in her clothing? Some people can be physically not so attractive naked, for example, but look really nice in the type of clothing they wear. I'm not talking about tight suggestive clothing or anything like that. I mean flattering shapes and colors. Also, have you always felt this way or has perhaps something come up to make your feelings fade. have you been together long. I def wouldnt jump up and dump her if I were you. It is important to take the time to mull over things and see how you will feel after a little while. But in the end if you find that you just cant be with her try to break things off amicably and just say you think you are better as close friends.
     
  11. Wuji

    Wuji Member

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    Yeah sounds like a best friend to me, not a girlfriend.
     
  12. The Imaginary Being

    The Imaginary Being PAIN IN ASS Lifetime Supporter

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    So you are very short yourself then? Bit unfair to pass judgement yourself it would seem.
     
  13. lunarverse

    lunarverse The Living End

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    Read the book 'Sons and Lovers' by D.H. Lawrence. It is very applicable to your situation.
     
  14. lunarverse

    lunarverse The Living End

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    One cannot be both?
     
  15. Wuji

    Wuji Member

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    I mean best friend unromantically.
     

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