Boyfriend isn't so interested in my orgasms

I'm 22, and I have been with my boyfriend for half a year. He's my age. We love each other and have really great sexual chemistry, which is important for me in a relationship.

Generally, we have sex about 1-3 times every time we see each other, which is more days than not in any given week.

Over time, I've been noticing that I spend a lot of time 'giving,' as in blowjobs, handjobs and such, where, on average, he spends little to no time 'one-way' for me.

I don't cum from sex. So usually we have foreplay, then sex (where he cums), and then afterward I masturbate. The most he does for me typically is lie next to me and occasionally pet/squeeze my breasts while I cum, and frequently he falls asleep so it's like I'm masturbating with the stimulation of a sleeping man next to me, which is hugely more stimulating than masturbating alone, but ***I want more***.

[I should add that he is enthusiastic about eating me out, which turns me on when he expresses that, but I find he goes way to fast and hard when he is, and he doesn't respond much to my asking him to slow down.]

Because I find giving pleasurable and fun, this pattern didn't really stand out much at first. Over the course of our 6 months I have had several long conversations with him about this, where I've candidly expressed how sadness and frustration is building up for me about about how little time he spends 'giving,' and how much I love his hands on me, and how I feel like he doesn't think my orgasms are very interesting, whereas I am always really actively involved in his.

Things have changed a tiny bit from all those conversations. Even though a few times we've agreed the solution is that I should always cum first during foreplay, (and when we've done that it's been great,) but then normally we revert to our old style where first we have foreplay, then he cums during sex, and then I cum while I masturbate (and he intermittently sleeps).

I think I wouldn't be so mad and frustrated and sad if I didn't love him so much, and if our chemistry wasn't so great, and if he didn't appear to want to give me pleasure. I also know he loves me deeply. But I've been trying to 'change' him and it doesn't seem to be working, so now I recognize it's my responsibility to go get what I want (break up and find a man who can't keep his hands off me). I dunno if Ill actually be able to do that right now, but I need to assess this.

What I want to know is, how typical is this behaviour for a 22yo man who's been in 4 other relationships or so? If you can tell me the likelihood of being able to find another guy who is more 'giving' I'd appreciate that. (Are my chances better if I look for someone older?) I'm looking for my odds; I'm not so interested in hearing about individual cases. ...Or are most guys like this?

 

It sounds like this whole relationship he hasn't had much interest, and you are only noticing it now. Also, you fail to communicate what you do like and don't like. And on top of that, "I think I wouldn't be so mad and frustrated and sad if I didn't love him so much, and if our chemistry wasn't so great, and if he didn't appear to want to give me pleasure.", it's all his fault.

He's the one that needs help, and you're too busy pointing fingers at him to realize it.

 

When he starts doing things the old way, just remind him about what you talked about before and see what he says. Sounds like overall you just need to communicate a bit more with him when you guys be in the act and that's about it. GL

 

Doesn't sound like your chemistry is that great to me. If you've already tried and it's still not working, perhaps it just won't. It's actually rude as fuck that he goes to sleep once he's satisfied. I'd be angry if a boyfriend did that to me repeatedly. Move on.

 

Maybe I should have left my feelings outside of my post. Thanks for your opinion, Duck. I can see how it sounds like I'm blaming him entirely. But when I say that things aren't changing, and I am aware of that, therefore it's my responsibility to go for what I want, there is no room for blame in that. I do tell him what I like when he's touching me. For example, he knows well that I prefer touches to being eaten out even though I love the attention either way. I've told him tons of times I like lighter rather than harder, etc. in different ways and at appropriate times. I tell him when I particularly like what he's doing. We talk when we're having sex. I don't think I'm being listened to is what I'm saying.

That aside, the reason I bolded the last part of my post was because the rest was background info, and I really want to know whether this is typical for both my level of communication, and for guys with his experience. So I guess poster1/2 are both addressing the first part of that--based on what I've said, I'm not saying enough and just jumping to blame. Useful, thank you. And I'm also interested in the second part of my question. Typical behaviour for guys?

 

typical man. They only care about their dicks. Maybe you should make him eat you out first then you suck him of only a little and tell him after you cum you will finish sucking him off...might work. Good luck

 

Yeah the reason I say our chemistry is great is based on when he is actually touching me, kissing me, having sex with me, etc. it is extremely pleasurable (and vice versa I understand).
I think it's rude, too, particularly as we have had several conversations about it and he knows that after I've been spending like 15-30min pleasuring him I really think the LEAST he can do is stay awake.

 

No, that's the most important part, sometimes the best advice we can get are the ones that pick up on what we aren't meaning to say.

That definitely is a problem if that is so, but what was most reflected in your post is that you are unhappy in the relationship and it's his fault. While communication problems, are pretty hard to pin on one person, generally.
I think if anything, you should have focused a bit more on how you have tried to help him, please you.

=)
Bolding that last part made your post seem rather inhumane and selfish, really.
I can't tell you how typical it is - in my relationship I care more about my girl cumming than she does (she's not tried it yet, and doesn't seem to care too much) - but I can say that getting off makes men damn sleepy. Your best bet is to get him to get you off BEFORE him -- some guys just don't have the stamina.

Personally, this response was very pleasing to me. You seem like a fair-minded person. It seems to me like you have lost the love and companionship your relationship once had.
My question to you would be - are you compatible, or was the relationship better in the beginning, simply because it was new and your personalities meshed well at first?

 

No. I'm sure some girls are just the same way.

I recently fell for a guy who's similar. He's a big part of my life, but luckily enough for me we're not so involved as you are. He's a selfish stuck-up twerp and I should treat him with the contempt he deserves.

It's not that you don't have valid reasons for pointing the finger, but you let him get away with it. Which is why my answer is- If he won't listen and you've tried (which you have) then move on.

 

If you've talked about it and told him how you feel and he doesn't care enough to fix the problem, then there isn't much else you can do. Tell him you're thinking of leaving him. Tell him if things don't change you're going to, but actually mean it. Otherwise how else do you think things will work out? You're not going to get what you want.

 

I think that's the most sensible route. I'll have to think hard for a while about actually meaning it before I actually can. Relationships require one to have a spine...

 

I know the feeling! I don't deny it's a hard thing to do but things do have to be sorted out. Good luck.

 

Damn, I forgot that bolding things brings out the inhumanity and selfish qualities in what I'm saying. (note to self: remember this!).

Mmkay, good call Dr Duck. I am shy, and really have to push myself to say anything beyond a 2-3 'thoughts on pleasing me' per playtime if I have the opportunity. It's trickier because I am often encouraging him to tell me what he likes, but he says he 'likes it all,' as well as the surprise. So I think he wants to get it perfect the first time when he's pleasing me, which means the more I give feedback the more likely it is for him to feel like he's not good enough. (He has low self confidence in this way), even if I'm concurrently expressing how much I love this and that. I know he'd rather I say that I love it all and want no changes. ...And so I keep the feedback low because the less good he feels about it means he does it less often.

Yeah... hmm.. still focusing a lot on blaming him here. Let me emphasize that I definitely could be saying more and giving more feedback.

Good question. After some thought, I think that if I see him less, and when I do see him go after just what I want--insist on cumming first etc.-- this relationship could satisfy me. ...Again, I need to know whether I have a good chance of finding a guy that loves touching his girlfriend. Cuz if that's the case I'll move on. That really was the point of my original post.

 

Well I dated a guy who was about that age and sex was always all about him. He was a total ass and I'm so glad I'm rid of that loser. He didn't care at all about me and I hate him every day for it.

 

get over it?

a lot of people don't care about me, and i'm fine with that...

 

Stop giving him blowjobs, it's really that simple.

He will most certainly cater for your needs first, if that is the situation he is facing.

 

I've got two words for you: Lorena Bobbitt.

 

Holy shit they can reattach a penis? Fuck that's kind of neat.

 

Tell him if he don't wanna lick it, he isn't gonna stick it .

 

Ahah, it was just that the statement you emboldened was so objective, that it took away any sense of humanity from you in the situation.

We have some similarities here for sure. My girl has extremely low confidence so I have a lot of trouble with certain things, where I wouldn't normally. I know how that can be.
But I've also learned how to affect her ego more positively with the things that I do say. Just think about what you want to tell him, as if you were being told it, and which way you would react best too.

My girlfriend also "likes everything", and it's really annoying, isn't it?

But that's not where it ends, I also have trouble speaking out about what I like and don't like in bed. I'm fine when we aren't in bed, but I'm bad at on-the-spot adjustment. I get too worried about 'ruining the moment'. But there's things that come pretty naturally after you try them, like "that feels so good" and nudging their hand over.

And finally, I also blame her for problems often, and I think with a low self esteem, them being so accepting of blame lets us get away with it.

I love touching my girlfriend, and my best friend is real frisky when he's not single, and I know a few relationships that seem based purely on sex - but other than that, there's not much I can tell you.

Really, with that being your response to the question - I don't think this relationship is necessary for you, and it seems to be getting to be a hassle - so, I'd say end it. But I can't answer the main question.