We've been together for over four years now, and over that four years weve only had sex less than ten times. She says she just has no desire to have any kind of sex be it oral vaginal anal manual or anything else. She still gives me regular blowjobs and handjobs, but I know she's not enjoying herself. We're madly in love with each other and go on romantic dates and everything, and she finds me very attrActive, but just cringes at the thought of penetration. Even when we have tried, she is always too tight to do anything. The Same thing happens even if I just finger her. She also never masturbates, never has. Does anybody have any input ?? Any similar problems? I want to show her how wonderful sex can be , I just don't want to hurt her. She means the world to me.
Might be something physical that causes her discomfort. Good luck finding a sympathetic doctor, though. Or even a competent one. Sexology is not a common field of practice.
I've read some articles on that and it happens when the person has unresolved issues, which sometimes she is not even aware of. It can be overcome with psychotherapy. She will of course have to have your genuine and honest support through it all, in order to be able to trust you on that level. Don't forget she's not doing it on purpose: this is not rational, it's unconscious.
When I see a post of yours I always cross my fingers hoping to find something helpful or at least half funny. Still haven't got any luck... (But I'm still hopeful, though)
Wow, you sure burned me! Anyways I am being helpful - the guy is obviously unhappy and thinks he can somehow make her better but the truth is that he can save himself a whole lot of headaches (and blue balls for that matter) by simply looking for someone else. Sorry if the truth hurts.
Sometimes we can't simply take the short path just because it seems easier. Yes, you're right when you say it's not gonna be easy for him and that he might gonna have his balls blue for some time, but this is what meaningful relationships are all about, I think, supporting each other through hard times and overcoming issues together. I'm positive that she'll be able to slowly overcome her issue with therapy and with his support. It is sure not gonna happen overnight and will probably take several months or even a year, but in the end it will be worth it and the bond between them will be much stronger than now. You'll probably find this very corny (yeah, I know, faggy is probably more like it. Guilty! ), but I genuinely think this is how it works.
It is. Adults in loving, committed relationships do not bail at the first sign of trouble. If this is a sexual compatibility issue, sadly, you may have to cut your losses as it will only lead to guilt and resentment, but if this is something she is willing to work toward overcoming, then there is no reason to say this relationship cannot be saved. However, she has to want to get help, and you have to be supportive and encourage her without forcing her or making her feel attacked. She can't change what has happened to her, but she can make the decision to take her life back and fight this problem.
Agreed. It sounds very harsh but I think this might be good advice. Maybe try some therapy ( for her or together). But seriously, if you are getting very little sex, and on top of that she's not into it, the relationship will prob eventually fall apart. I know if i could tell my girl wasnt into sex i would be way less turned on. Also, you're only 19 you shouldnt be getting married so young, theres so much sex for you to have. If you get married at 19, to a girl who doesnt want any part of sex or really pleasing you, you are in for a long long lifetime of sexual frustration. Youre young and other women will come along. Good luck dude. Hope everything works itself out.
To be completely honest, I think you should break up with her. The basic problem is you two are sexually incompatible. You may think now that "Love conquers all" and "We can get through this together", but the fact is, if she does not like sex, there is very little that is ever going to change that and eventually you are going to get tired of having sex 3 times a year. You both need to shake hands and move along or in two years you are going to be posting here asking for advise about cheating on your wife.
Sexorexia:a sex-starved state that arises from a coital dry spell. The person in such a state has moved way passed horny and is basically a lifeless husk. Vaginismus refers to tension in the vaginal muscles, which in turn causes painful intercourse. Women with vaginismus may have vaginal muscles that become so tight the vagina cannot be entered. They often experience pain in the genital, vaginal or pelvic area, and they fear penetration and intercourse. I was watching a T.V program on this topic, it's not that your not compatible its just something that effects the person mentally. The people on the program mentioned that they had low self of esteem and didn't feel worthy. There is also a disorder that women have that is very painful to have sex (Vaginismus), it is said to be psychological. Its not that they want to not have sex its just painful. Something such as a therapist could help this. I would recommend talking to her about it and being open and if it is maybe one of these two things then you can go from there.
Does she have any confidence issues? maybe about her weight or something? Lack of confidence is the biggest sex killer!
It is obvious she has a few unresolved issues. What they are is probably important, so you both should look for some outside assistance. If you two are committed, you better fix it now. If this is still a problem ten years from now, you might have some regrets and want to move along. That will not do either of you any good.
I wonder just how close a couple can really be with this problem. Hope for your sake and hers too,that it's fixable.
