Once a cheater...?

So my lovley woman cheated on me. Im over this. She had issues...still does probably. I figured move on right? well we started talking a bit again the other day. I realized how much easier it is to talk to her then anyone else...seriously i wouldnt shut up. She knows me more then i know myself(as cliche as it sounds she does...knows me completly) and id like to think i know her.

Bottom Line; we decided almost by impulse...and it was an emotional impulse to work through some things. Maby even get back together at some point in the future. This thought makes me quite happy because the other women i have been with havnt reached close to par with my Mare. We both have our own little trust issues and are willing to at least try. However i still picture the image of her in bed with someone else and it frieghtens me. Not a single one of my friends supports my decision. Am i making a HUGE mistake? Or is it possable to recreat what once was a long time ago? maby even better...

Thoughts and stories are welcome

 

i am curious...how long were you together before she cheated...what was her explanation for what she did and who did she cheat with?? Sorry...sorry..lots of questions.

In my opnion cheating happens because there is something missing in the relationship. It could be an emotional bond that has been weakend, it could be that one person is afraid of getting serious or doesnt thnk they deserve their partner so they sabbotage things or it could mean that they havent gotten over somebody else (and then they cheat with that person they cant get over). This may be a stereotype, but a lot of people say that women cheat for reasons different than when men cheat. For women it's about the emotional connection...but hey...that's just a theory.

Either way...cheating is a huge deal and it takes a lot to "get over" it. You dont seem like you are over it because you are worried abot getting back with her. In my opinion, if the two of you are going to get back together you both have to be willing to sit down and talk about what happened, her motivations for doing so and how the two of you are feeling now. Both of you will have to be honest and open and committed to trying to work things out.

 

We dated for 3 years before she cheated. Ok heres ware im so happy you see the girl cheating for emotional reason...ok here goes.

When she was young she was rapped by a friends older brother. The amount of issues that followes her every day is hard for me to deal with...let alone her. So she said she needed a release form this last interaction...it was her only other interaction (sexualy) in her life. She stated quite matter of factly that masterbation wasnt cutting it. We live not but a half hour away, but her parents are so over protective shes almost always grounded. So seeing her was a not so frequent delight and usualy consisted of public places...no alone time ya dig? so we kissed and fondled (as much as u can pull of in sears before getting kicked out haha but it wasnt enough for her. I always knew the distence was tough on her because she really wanted some one there for her...not here for her. You follow that?

At first i was skeptic...oh btw she cheated on me with a kid whome she was friends with for a wile, but after that night he exploited it and they hate eachother now. Well she said no matter how dumb it is that was her reason and it worked...shes been seeing therapists and said shes never felt this...free. She said she wanted it to be with me unbarably but it just couldnt happen. Again skeptical?...Actualy i dont think iv ever told anyone else what her reasoning was...

No im not completly over it...but its a lot less of a factor then it was a wile ago when she told me...thats the other thing. She didnt hide it. Well thats the bacground...insights?

 

There really is no excuse for cheating on your partner, it's disrespectful, dishonest, and shows a lack of self-control. Really you can only take her word for it that she won't do it again, but if she does it again you might as well just cut her off and stop the dilly dallying. It's silly, and it's never fun being the person being cheated on.

 

Although looking back at your response, she has always seemed...scared of a serious relationship..which is what im game for. I dono. Just a thought passing through my mind...

 

I think if the two of you really want to be together you should give it a try and just work on rebuilding the trust. It's good that she has been as open with you as she has been about it (as opposed to getting caught and then confessing) but at the same time it seems like her issues are so serious such that she will need to continue working on getting over her past. Just because she cheated on you once doesnt mean it will happen again...in my opnion...it just means you guys need to work on things and actively try to make things work.

Oh..and I feel your frustrations about having to make out in Sears. LOL I was once kissing my boyfriend ouside of the department store when I was a teen and who should step out of the building across the street...my mother! Anyway.....

 

I feel this...and no its not fun. I have made it quite clear that if anything like this should happen again i wouldnt be able to be anything with her again...she understood completly. And i thought the same thing...no excuse. So does this one seem extra far fetched...or from the bottom of the heart. I dont see a middle ground..

 

I apriciate the thoughts...really i got no one to talk to this about (like i said all my friends say im a dumb ass and thats about it..great friends eh?) so any thought besides mine own is apriciated ahah.

And oh god...dont wana play 'worst make out story' but try laying on a bed making out in Sears (of corse and your grandparents come by looking to buy a bed. REALLY old fashioned grandparent (i still dont hear the end of it) and to top it off...they bought that exact bed ahahaha

 

Nothing wrong with giving her a second chance. But don't let her take advantage of your forgiveness. It just wouldn't be real.

 

I had a friend whose husband cheated on her and they decided that they would try again after being apart for about 6 months. It was a disaster until they got professional help with it as a couple. As much as they wanted to be together there were issues from that time that made it totally miserable until they resolved those.

That was about 5 years ago and they are still together. I do think some couples can work this out but I also think that counseling is not a bad idea as it not only helps to deal with why it happened but also how to make sure it does not happen again.

I hope that you work it out if that is what you wish to have happen.

 

from all of my experiences getting back with someone that broke your heart is never a good idea. Im going to be very frank with you. Your a Fucking Fool....
This is just my opinion you are free to fallow your feelings and always go with your gut. If you do get back with her i wish the best of luck to you.

 

its ok i like frank. Beleive me im catching words just like that from tons of people so its nothing new. But thanks for the luck

 

hmm...never even thought of counseling. I grew up in a close minded family unfortunatly so it never crossed my mind but il bring that up with her...sounds like a good idea.
thank you for the thoughts i apriciate it

 

Its all bullshit, most of you end up cheating on each other, its only sex for crying out loud

 

Obviously not, she was a cheater.

 

If that is going to be stuck in your head, then it won't work out.

You have to willing to forget about it, and never bring it up again with her. If she thinks you don't trust her to not do it again, it won't work out. And for your own sanity, you'll need to get it out of your head for good.

Can you do that?

 

Is that healthy? Forgive and forget? i have a lot to muse over

 

I don't know about healthy. But i think if you see a shrink, he'll say forgive and forget. And i know that women do not like the past brought up, ever, about stuff like that!

 

Agreed, not that I've ever cheated or anything. But I don't like my mistakes being thrown in my face.

That being said, I did have my ex cheat on me and I took him back 3 months later he cheated again and we broke up. I know if anyone were to cheat on me again it'd be over with a capital O. I have serious trust issues and I know I need to work them out, but I know that if I ever got cheated on again that I wouldn't take the person back. In my opinion its just not a good idea.

I also think her reason for cheating isn't a very valid reason. If you love someone I believe you will never disrespect them by cheating. Love just doesn't consist of that.

 

once a cheater always a cheater!!!
that's what i say
i've been cheated on too many times to trust anyone that's a cheater