Issues with BJ's, porn, compatability and trust in general.

I am 28 and my boyfriend is 32. We have been dating for 2 and a half years. I love him very much and he loves me, he is the first "serious" boyfriend I've had, before him I never stayed with anyone longer than a couple months. Some issues have been recurring in our relationship that have been bothering me for quite some time, and seem to be getting worse.

The first issue is blowjobs. I gave him blowjobs early on and throughout the relationship, but I always hated it and found it intolerable. I dont like anything about BJ's: They hurt my neck, jaw and mouth, are incredibly tiring and last forever, I can't stand the taste, smell or feeling, and i definitely dont want cum or even pre-come on me, let alone in my mouth. I also feel angry that most guys' social conditioning makes them think that blow jobs are such an important (necessary and required) part of sex. Finally I told my boyfriend how I felt about it, and he said it was ok and I don't have to do it if it made me miserable. It was a huge relief. But because i know how much he loves it, I still give him BJ's occasionally, maybe once every month or two, usually when i am "sedated" by alcohol. (that is the only time i find it anywhere near tolerable). I just don't want it to have to be a "regular" part of sex or to feel obligated to do it. But he continues to make comments about it, that I don't "do it enough", that there must be something wrong with me or with my mouth, that he wishes i hadn't told him the truth and just pretended to like it. These comments hurt my feelings a lot and make me feel like he doesnt care about my feelings at all. I feel like he should be greatful to get BJ's at all, considering how it makes me feel, and not make these offensive comments, especially after telling me it was ok if I didn't want to. It makes me want to never give him a bj again. And I feel that would be my perogative, though he's fortunate that I DO care enough about him and making him feel good to do it occasionally. I should mention that I love sex and never turn him down for that, in fact I want it more often than he does usually! But I don't harass him about it because we have a healthy amount of sex and i am satisfied with it.

Well I was going to go into some of the other issues but this one is already too long! If I get some good suggestions/feedback and you are interested to hear about the rest (which I desperately need advice on!!!) then I will post more later.

 

Just don't do Deep throat. Do more licking than swallowing

 

My point is that I don't like BJ's and shouldn't be guilted into doing them... I didn't need pointers that will lead to more BJ's. Dig?

 

so if you dont like bj's then don't give bj's its as simple as that........

 

Does he perform oral sex on you?

 

not even 1/4 of the time i do it on him. I like it it but am not obsessed wit hit and would be ok with it not happening.

 

So, he only licks your pussy once every 4-8 months? What's wrong with him?

 

But see, thats OK with me! I don't feel offended or anything that he doesnt do it much, nor do i feel unsatisfied or that our sex life is lacking because of it. I just want the same respect and no more snide comments about blowjobs. Is that unreasonable?

 

No its not. My wife isn't crazy about doing it. I like it and wish I got more, and she knows that. But its part of bein a guy sometimes, that u always want more. But I don't think its ever right to make someone do something they aren't comfortable with.

And can we stop quoting a persons entire thread every time we reply please?

 

Social conditioning eh?

LOL

 

Lol. One of my biggest pet peeves.

 

you never should have done it to begin with, why would you do something you dont like to do? if you never gave him one he would know you really hate it , but by countinuing to do it ,well its your fault, its like giving the guy a present and then taking it back, not a good way to have a relationship, dont lie tell him how it is and maybe he stays or he leaves . if he leaves dont lie to the next one.

 

lol damn. maybe ur a lesbian. a girl that doesnt want to suck ther bf's cock has issues.

just the same as a dude that doesnt want to eat there gf's pussy.

i would dump u.

maybe take some horny pills... u sound like a freak.

 

I'm not too big a fan of oral in general because it fails to involve either me or my husband at the same time. I mean its nice, but its like giving massage's, always one person doing ALL the work. A hook up should involve mutual effort.

Are sports causing you to think social conditioning makes blowjobs a necessity in your life?

 

A) If you feel it's work... go shoot yourself...
B) If it's one person doing it all, all the time, look up the word partnership
C) Does the number 69 mean anything at all to you?

 

usualy id lick out my gf till she cumms, get her to suck my dick, then fuck her. i can never cumm from just a bj, no matter who does it or for how long.

but i like the feeling of a bj.

hygine is priority one. maybe thats not the case in ur relationship?
i trim my pubes right down to a porn star look, and i shave my balls.
i also shave just the top part of my legs, down to maybe 6 inch above the knee, i do this cause it looks good to woman, but i can wear short pants and no one would ever know i shaved a thing.

maybe as a couple u should have a shower together, then go into the bedroom naked n start ur sexual activites. everything is clean and nice.

i actually take my gf into the bathroom and rinse her pussy with water before i lick her out... some pussy is fine with no wash, but hers isnt...
always tastes gross, and too salty... im like STOP eating salt. its bad for u. lol.
im really upfront, and its the way i like it.

 

Already figuring I should shoot myself, eh? Tis all a matter of perspective, and once you've been sleeping in the same bed with someone for long enough, you tend to know what does and doesn't work for you as a couple. I've reached that point where some things are and aren't important to me. And having to deal with kids makes couple time a very precious thing.

 

Lol don't take that too personally.

I automatically begin taking things less seriously when they're said by people who tell other people to shoot themselves ha.

 

I never said you should shoot yourself because of the choices you make in regards to what works or does not work for you.

I quite clearly said, if you think sex is 'work', then you should shoot yourself... and I stand by that.

If your perspective on life is so twisted and fucked up that you consider sex a chore, or anything besides a natural pleasure, then whats the point in continuing on?

 

Not sexually compatible. Could even be an issue of general compatibility.

In love, there is always that desire to please your partner. Maybe you don't want to please him because deep down, you've lost feelings.