Can I accept the condom?

Alright so I looked through the internet to try and find a forum where I could write down my frustration and get some response, and I certainly hope I've found a good place. I'm hoping for some good replies.

So I'm now in this new relationship with a girl, and it's going pretty good. Sex is not that great unfortunately, and that being the use of a condom the only reason.

In many of the other relationships I've been in we've only used a condom 2-3 times in the beginning to get used to eachother and build some trust, and after that we've dropped the boring condom and relied on the birth control pill.

This is frankly my first relationship ever where the girl's not on birth control pills. I thought I'd be fine using a condom but I just hate it. I can't feel anything, I've only been able to come once, it's a mood killer and it's just not the way mother nature intended us to have sex. I asked her about birth control pills and she's tried them but she's not using them any longer and basically told me I'd have to use a condom. The conversation was very short as I didn't want to pressure her. It's her body and it's truely her choice whether or not she'd like to use the pill. She just said it was stupid and I left it at that. If she ever takes the pill I want it to be of her own free will and not because of pressure.

Now, I thought I'd be able to accept it... But I don't think I am. She knows I don't like the condom, and we've never had sex since. Only oral sex and even though she's damn good it just gets boring in the end. There's nothing more I want than to feel her the 'nature' way.

I've often been thinking about breaking up because I know I can get what I want elsewhere. Lets just face it, pick up any 'love' book in the library and it'll say women feels love through romance and men feels love through sex. True love to a man is good sex, and over the years I've become a lot more emotionally attached to girls who're good in bed.

I want sex without a condom, but at the same time I do want to accept and respect her choice. As of now I am respecting and accepting it, but I'd rather just continue with oral sex than going with the condom... In the end I'm just afriad it's not going to satisfy me enough for me to stay in the relationship.

What do you guys and girls think?

 

i think you should use the condom and just have more fun with forplay.

or you could always move to the other form of birth control.

The Pull Out Method.... :rofl:

 

Well, theres nothing natural about being on the pill. I've been on the pill since I was 14 and I have no intention of staying on it anymore. I think until you've been on some kind of hormonal birth control you can't request that she goes on it.

 

Castration. Do your bit.

 

On one hand, it's her choice.

On the other hand, condoms make sex...... boring. Literally. It's just not fun, you can't feel a damn thing.

Still hormonal, but you might mention IUD's. If she's just not willing to try anything else, I guess it's up to you.... but yeah, sex with a condom is hardly better than no sex at all.

 

Get yerself snipped. Then you won't ever have to worry about it again. You'll still have that little issue of warts and the hiv, but don't worry too much about that when your concentrating on how good it feels.

 

Try various condoms.

 

There's a rather large difference between surgically disconnecting your nuts and taking a temporary hormone treatment.

 

Well aren't you selfish, if she doesn't want to go on birth control then don't count on it. You're lucky you're having sex with her at all. If I was your girlfriend and I saw this post I'd dump your ass in a heart beat. Just break up with her since you can't accept her decision. Cause even though you say you are, by thinking of breaking up with her just because of sex you are not accepting her. Birth control sucks, I've been on it for almost two years now. Its terrible for a woman's body and can have some really bad side effects, some girls are even allergic to it.

 

whats your question, should you leave her because she stands for her decision and you don't want to accept that? Or Should you stick around in case she gives in? Come on man! wheres your head? A relationship is not all about sex.Sounds to me your only in it for sex,and she wants something serious.Do her a favor and just leave.

 

ANAL.

some girls are allergic to peanuts too, but unless this one is it's pretty irrelevant.

 

Fact: Relationships built around sexual frustration don't last.

If she knows he has a problem with it, and just isn't even going to discuss ways to fix this problem, well.... she ain't looking for shit with him.

 

Unless you want to gay hump your best friend

 

I have to agree with RooRshack, on this. (At least the bit that if she isn't willing to talk about things that's kinda fucked up.) I think that both of you should be sitting down together and talking about every birth control option that is available. There's a plethora of them not just condoms and pills. Yes not everything is optimal for everyone but discussing how you both feel about each option is one step closer to a solution that both of you can be happy with.

From what I can gather, the relationship has some communication issues. If you care/love her then talk to her and explain how you feel. Explain what has happened in the past when you were sexually frustrated and express how you don't wish that to happen with her but you need a better solution. (If you do in fact care and want to stay with her, that is. )

Good luck.

xx aMused

 

Where did you get this 'fact' from?
Honestly it depends on how long they've been together,if it just started this shouldn't be an issue the focus is to get to know each other FIRST.

 

His last girlfriend?

 

lol

 

The one before that.

Though I think the last one was frustraited with me, so I suppose, that too.

It's painfully obvious.... Unless you get off to not having sex, I suppose

Almost all healthy human (mate type) relationships have a sexual factor. (duh... mating....) It may mean something different to each party, but it's still a factor, and if one party is displeased with it, the relationship will turn into a relationshit pretty fast.

 

Thanks for all the replies that was great.

I'm not lucky I'm having sex with her, no. Guys who say they're lucky because they have sex with a girl is just conveying he has little to no dignity. I wouldn't say I'm selfish as I'm actually giving this a chance.

I'm in need of a ... What'd you call that? Sparing aka punching buddy. I'm getting what I'm looking for from the replies already made, so that's great. A relationship is not all about sex no, but it certainly counts for a whole lot. I dare to say that in the modern western culture no relationship exists without sex.

Thanks to RooRshack and aMused for some good replies. I took it up with her and you were right aMused, a bit a lack of communication. She knew I didn't like the condom but she got surprised when I told her I couldn't feel anything. Of course you'll always feel something, but it's not a whole lot. The next day she told me she'd go see the doctor and get the pills.

Now's the time where I DO feel selfish because she says she'll do it for me, and that's the wrong reason. I want her to do it because she wants to herself, and not because of pressure.

Anyway I'll be good from here. I'll see what this ends up with. Thanks for all the replies.

 

Just on that last part about you feeling selfish....

You don't control her (and you shouldn't try), that means either telling her what she should or shouldn't do, or taking the responsibility for her decisions onto yourself.

A good relationship is based trust and communication. You communicate what you want out of a relationship, your partner does the same, and you either decide that you can work together or not.

The only reason you would be in a position to feel guilt over any of this, is if you either lied to her, or 'persuaded' her to change her mind.

Talking openly and honestly about your relationship with your partner is NEVER a reason to feel guilty.