i'm so full of anger

I saw a therapist for a year or so years ago(I was 20) and I always walked out of his office feeling more frustrated than when I went in. It took a long time to not feel that and even after I stopped therapy, years later when something came up I would have like a night-lite moment and think, that's what he meant.

The whole process if frustrating as time seems to be warped when things are not as they should be.

Those in your life who have disappointed you probably already know it and they will deal with that as they have to. You have to deal with it and unfortunately there is not much that you can do as they own their behaviour and that is not yours. As far as happy, well that is relative to what people show. I have seen some of the most happy people who are emotional wrecks. All smoke and mirrors.

You can be you, as the tools are in you to be that. That is not clap trap, that is. It is harder to be who we really are as we don't fit what those around us often wish we were. That is the tough part.

A little thing you do that is great is post such funny stuff for all of us to enjoy. I am sure that is the tip of who Boogabaah really is.

Can you give yourself permission to be who you are and damn the consequences? What could be so possibly not great about who you are?

 

i don't know either. i tend to 'freeze up' when i'm out in public. i have a hard time talking to an 'audience' of 2 or more people i get all weird, turn red and forget what i'm trying to say or talk to fast and mess it all up.

i been thinking i need to somehow empower myself and build my confidence at the same time. not really sure about how to do that.

:frown: i just don't know

 

Be the lark in the sun. Be "the all-dancing, all-singing crap of the world". Get the most tremendous exercise; soreness. Set goals. Go out, have fun, get laid. Do anything.

 

How about a mental list of things you are going to want to talk about before you go out with people. Topics that you can start a conversation with. As goofy as it sounds talk to yourself. If you talk away and get feeling good about it, it may carry over when you go out.

Have you considered even a course on public speaking or what would be more fun is joining a drama club. There it might even be a little easier as it is more of a role play and it may increase your comfort level. You interact and yet you have a little bit of a protective shield as you can also be a character and it might be safer feeling.

Something else you may like is doing something with kids. Our library has a lady who comes in for story time. The kids love her and the stories. Kids are very accepting and it might just be a way to get out in a safer environment.

Most people when they are not comfortable stumble and end up feeling like an idiot when they blow a conversation. I do think though that they remember it far more than the person they were talking to.

 

Just because......

 

:grouphug: thanks.. i kinda feel like i'm just whining.. lol i seem to be going in a damn circle with this.. and i keep missing my turn :frown:

and yes.. i need some new hobbies that i have to leave the house and be involved with other people to do...

 

"...and he said, Once you really understand jiu-jitsu you would rather die than live one moment of your life without it." ~ David Mamet

 

Did something happen to you, boog? I mean, some of what just looks like your "hippie choices" seem to be true aversions.

My grandpa had a nervous breakdown when he was a kid, because living in England during WWI was horrible, and he could not wear shoes or eat meat for 2 years until someone helped him.

I don't mean that I think you should eat meat, but your not being able to wear shoes has always reminded me of what happened to my grandpa. It just doesn't seem to be choice for you, and it should be.

Sorry if I got too personal, but I like you.

 

well... yes. abusive home while i was growing up.. and actually that person still mistreats me so i avoid them. and yes i have a lot of issues that i "hide" when online... i think because i just wanna be loved for being me.

 

Just for you:grouphug:xxx

 

Boogabaah, come out, come out, where ever you are.

You know you don't need to always hide and you are loved on here. I look forward to opening your posts and I am sure many others do as well. I don't think that anyone who likes you is not going to continue to do so because of anything you reveal. You may get the odd idiot but you are going to get those no matter what.

I am not saying that you have to post anything at all in any detail, that is not anyones business.....instead I am saying that you should post from where you are, no matter where that is.

You may be delighted with the support that you do get and maybe a little surprised at how much people really do care about you.

Life be short, so maybe between everyone we can find a way to get you out and about doing something you will enjoy. Even if it is only to encourage you. Too much solitude is not a good thing for most people.

I am sorry that you have to still deal with someone who was abusive to you. Life would be so much easier if we could simply extract those from our lives, but at times that is impossible to do unless we also give up others that we do not wish to.

 

one of the things i know i need to work on is loving myself enough to be okay with what others think of me.. good or bad. i have posted a LOT of personal things on here, probably because i don't have many people i can talk to in person. i've also decided to block people that are always negative towards me or tell me "just get over it". i can't expect everyone to understand me and yet i do.. :frown: wow.. i just realized that i'm the only person that has to truly understand me.

odd thing is.. everyone i am friends with loves me for who i am, but there's always that one person that doesn't like me.. and it just ruins everything. i can't allow that to happen anymore. their not liking me is THEIR trip.. not mine. (gonna have to tell myself this repeatedly when it come up again)

doing all this spiritual work is fucking hard and at times it really sucks.. but i have to do it or live the rest of this life being miserable.

 

:grouphug:

 

Freedom's just another word for
Nothing left to lose...

Sometimes, having your life hit a wall, where there seems to be nothing left in it worth keeping, can be a blessing in disguise. If you were to change -everything-, what would you miss?

You cannot find people who will accept and love you for who you are if you always hide who you are. You have to risk the judgments of those who will not like the real you in order to find the ones who will.

Perhaps you are at a crossroads. And are waiting. Waiting until you are ready to take a step into the unknown. Bravely risking all in the name of something different, something new, something as yet unimagined. Waiting until your attachment to your comfort, your security, and the familiar fades in the shadow of the distress you feel from being trapped by it.

You can take the step. It's not that big a risk. After all, what is it that you have to lose?

 

I think that the truest words that you could ever say to yourself is that you are really the only one who does have to understand you and that what others think of you is NOT your issue and it is their issue. :grouphug:

I honestly think that unless we are happy or content with exactly who we are, then it is really difficult, if not impossible, to be happy. By happy, I don't mean jumping with glee, but rather an inner calm that radiates with all we do. Every person has their own things that are not what they might like but accepting that you have them and finding a balance with in yourself sure helps. For me I find that with meditation and yoga. I know you will find that with what works for you!

 

And then I read this, and realized I was off a bit. Nevermind. Well, it sounds like you have the right ideas and the motivation to act. It's just that you're busy slogging through the spiritual work needed to implement. Not fun during the process, and can be really disheartening. Keep at it, you sound like you've got a great head on your shoulders.

 

so odd to me how i can be myself, love me for me, at home and around only a handful of people but when i'm out and around new people i doubt myself..

i'm going out this evening with my boyfriend to his nieces graduation. i should really just test all this. something i have not done in a long time, one of the best tricks i've ever used was telling myself over and over.. "these people are already your friends! they already love you!" and you know what.. it has never failed me.

i know that there is something great out there waiting for me to catch up with it. here i have been sitting around waiting for it to come to me. i know it doesn't work that way. i've been making decisions and sticking to them. no one wants to be on their death bed and look back and realize they've done nothing.

 

I've had the same problem throughout much of my life. No matter how many awesome people tell me how wonderful I am, one look of scorn from a complete stranger can completely ruin my self-confidence. It's hard. I want so much to be pleasing, to everyone. But it just doesn't work that way. Learning to be ok with it is a long and difficult process. No matter how hard I try, not everyone is going to like me. I can only be myself, the best me I can be, and stick with those people who like me as I am.

Have fun going out tonight. Hope you meet a bunch of great folks who like you as you are.